It's technically not "ranting" if it's written down

I should be doing something productive. I like to think that in it's own way, writing is productive. It helps clear my head and organize my thoughts, at least. Of course, I should really be organizing my house, but this is more fun. Oh wait! I can do work on my sister's present right here at the computer. I'm recreating a $40 Usher concert t-shirt, because I can't bring myself to spend $40 on a t-shirt that I could make myself. Ooh, designing t-shirts could be a fun little side job...as long as it's not for taiko. Since I get paid to design for 40+ hours a week, I'm not that motivated to work at home for free. I'd rather be a creative director (a.k.a. supervisor) for the science and computer people in taiko that think that's fun. (Designing is fun when it doesn't consume your life.) Besides, if I am designing for free, I'd rather do it for someone that appreciates it, like my sister. I will be very surprised if designing for taiko is on the leader's new list of taiko "chores" that will substitute for paying a monthly due. It deserves to be on there as much as anything else, though, so I will make sure that it's added. At least I'll be more more motivated to do the big 25th anniversary stuff, I think.

That reminds me, I had a frustrating face-to-face meeting with a client last week. I designed a web cam page for The Confluence, but I was restricted to doing something that matched the rest of the site and pushed them toward a new, totally revamped site design at the same time. It's hard to do both, but considering the restrictions, I thought I did a good job...originally. Then they suggested changes, so after shaking my head and explaining why those were bad ideas (to the account person/middle man), I did them. Well, those changes were the problems that she wanted to meet with me about! Even the person that designed the rest of the site (who was not there) criticized the parts that ended up being her own design after the requested changes. At the end of the meeting, the client asked how I envisioned it without their suggestions, and as I was describing it, the account person pulled out my original design. I talked her through it and that solved all the problems that they created. We are reverting back to that design! There are well thought-out reasons behind every design decision that I make. I understand that sometimes you need to see it to understand that, but it's easier and cheaper if you just trust me. I think she will now. She was a new client, anyway.

I digress. This wasn't supposed to be a ranting post, but I probably needed to get that out. The thoughts that I really need to organize and decipher are not things that I should broadcast here, though. Let's just say that I am confused and conflicted. Every day uncovers new information to be studied.

Tonight is the Wiese family Christmas party, and I'm not particularly looking forward to it. We don't all fit that well at my grandpa's house, especially since my cousins' kids just keep multiplying, growing up and occupying more space! I remember when we could all sit in chairs around the living room. I kind of like big families, but I feel so disconnected to that side these days. Two families live in Kansas City, my cousins in St. Louis are married with kids, and one of my aunts has decided that she doesn't like my mom and we keep our distance. That aunt reminds me of the ringleader in Mean Girls and she was probably the same person in high school. I swear my mom has never done or said anything mean to this aunt, but oh, she would love to give her a piece of her mind. My aunt knows that she could, too, and I think that's the real reason behind all of it. No one else would dare to stand up to this aunt. You know, even though many people assume "the quiet ones" are pushovers, I most definitely am not. I get my strong will and sass from my mommy...and I appreciate her for that now.

The situation with my aunt and mom is sad, though, because when Grandma Wiese was in the hospital, they both spent so much time at the (understaffed) hospital for months taking care of her--more time than anyone else. They split responsibilities and seemed to bond over that. Several years later, when my grandpa was in the hospital for a few days, my aunt showed up really late to relieve my mom and dad's long "shift." I think my mom complained a little to my dad and my aunt just went off on how that surely means my mom doesn't like my grandpa, etc. It's like she lost perspective and never found it again, but I think she was just looking for a reason to blame my mom for parts of her unhappiness. My aunt's mood affects the tone of these parties, so I hope she's bringing a good mood tonight. It's almost time to go! Wish us luck.

p.s. It's been 10 years since my grandma died, but I still miss her at Christmas every year.

What, no Papyrus?

This is a handy little diagram. Note the lack of terrible font options...but wait! Comic sans is hiding in a dark, far away thread to the right.

Treading deeper water

I was tired earlier. Wait, what am I saying? I'm still tired now, but sleep is for wimps. Actually, I think I just have too many thoughts swirling in my head to sleep. They're probably not even that compelling, but I'm going to share some of them, anyway, in typical bullet style:

• The tree decorating contest at work ends tomorrow! I'm decorating it with white lights, red and gold mardi gras beads as garland, red disco balls and silver and gold ornaments. Plus, I'm putting a little snowman on top and wrapping the bottom (big red planter) in wrapping paper. It might not win, but it's pretty, anyway. Maybe I'll take a picture...with my iphone, because I for real need to find that chord that connects my camera and computer still.

• Nothing like waiting until the last minute for Christmas shopping! Ugh, I've been such a slacker, or rather, I've been decorating, schmoozing, and baking things for Christmas instead of buying much of anything. Crap. Speaking of which, I have to both make and buy something tomorrow for work on Thursday. Fantastic.

• More people tend to die around the holidays than at any other time, and three of my friends have lost either an aunt, uncle, or brother-in-law suddenly in the last few weeks. It sucks and I hate that there's not too much that I can do for them.

• Okay, Justin Bieber is 16. Why hasn't his voice changed yet?

• Around midnight last night, I discovered that after you accidentally cover your hands in something like gorilla glue, you should soak them in acetone and scrub them (without soap!). I found out secondhand, but I didn't even think I needed to know that before.

• I wonder if I should start believing in "signs" again, or if they're too conflicting to matter, anyway. Sometimes there are too many ways to spin it.

• I was just thinking, "I guess I'll go with the flow" and then my mind wandered to this mailroom part in Elf. Mailroom guy: "I gotta go with the flow man....No! I've gotta get out of the flow, that's what got me here. I mean I'm 26 years old, and I've got nothing to show for it." That's not entirely true, but in many ways, it seems almost eerily appropriate.

• I'm afraid that I'm often more loyal and understanding than I should be, and if the tables were turned, that would not be equally reciprocated. In fact, I've seen that happen in several friendships/relationships and somehow I'm always surprised. Is it them or me? Are they giving me the normal, expected amount of consideration and I'm the one going overboard? I suspect that the answer borders on "yes," and that's kind of upsetting.

• I think I honestly care about the general well-being of pretty much all of humanity, and it's not a very efficient or even necessarily healthy way to be. Evolution says that I should really only look out for myself and my closest "tribe," so to speak, but I want to look out for everyone. Of course I'm upset when I see or hear about freak accidents or people disrespecting each other, but sometimes I am more upset by people disrespecting themselves on basic levels (low self-esteem, abusing drugs, bad health habits, promiscuity, etc.). After all, you are the only thing that you can really control on any significant level. I can't respect yourself for you and you can't rely on other people to fill that gap, either. It seems like it all has to start from within and flourish from there.
  

Well, that gradually got deeper than I had planned. Oh, and there's so much more, but it's already past midnight so I'll have to cut it "short."

Diagnosis: Graphic Designer

I wrote this fun little blog post for work. It's almost a PSA. Don't let this happen to you! :)

'Tis the season for sickness

Well, the last few days didn't go quite as planned, but I'm okay with that. I'm really glad I made cookies for the cookie party on Thursday because even if I had found the time later, I wouldn't have had the motivation. It took longer than I thought, but I also made twice as much as I needed. I tend to do that when I finally get around to baking, but I literally have to schedule time for it or it will never happen. Baking and cooking are for people that are home on a regular basis, I think. My "regular" time at home before 10pm is Saturday and Sunday (daytime) and about every other Wednesday, so...limited. I don't like when someone implies that I can't do it, though; it's just that it's not a priority and so I do other things instead. Did you know that you can keep cookies moist in a container for days just by adding a piece of bread, though? (The bread gets stale but the cookies don't.) I assumed that was common knowledge because I grew up with it, but now I'm second guessing that. It really works, though!

Friday started out well. We made paper weights at Third Degree Glass Factory with work, which brings my glass blowing project count to two paper weights and an ornament. I had a quick lunch in the Loop with Joel after that, since I was close. I had a headache all day, but it was manageable until after lunch. Then, I started feeling especially miserable and actually threw up an hour after I got back to the office! I never get sick like that, so I still don't know if it was because of lunch or actual sickness, but I left work to take a 4 hour nap, anyway. My consistent lack of sleep probably caught up with me. It was really nice to hear an account person say "Your health is more important than work," because when I threw up at Momentum, I went back to work and no one even encouraged me to leave! I left work early at Momentum unexpectedly once because of a work stress-induced migraine (and got sick as soon as I got home), and even then, I felt kind of guilty or like they didn't quite believe me. How crazy is that?!

Later that night, instead of going to the Jorts party, Joel brought me soup and we watched Elf. It was sweet, especially since I was just planning on locking myself away and eating...well, I hadn't thought of that yet. I don't have much here. Elf is one of my favorite movies and it also carries some significance in our relationship, which I had forgotten.

The headache lingered into Saturday, but it was mostly gone by Our Lady of the Snows. I swear it snows every time we're there. On Thanksgiving, my aunt asked us when we were going so she would know when to expect snow! Sure enough, here it is. We saw a lot of accidents on the way home, but we made it back okay. I'm not looking forward to the drive to work tomorrow morning, though. At least I have new tires!

Parties and presents

I have a feeling that work is going to crawl by while the rest of my life whirls past this month. I have too many parties and not enough time! Last weekend I went to a "Finer Things" party dressed as Audrey Hepburn from Breakfast At Tiffany's. I just remembered that I had a similar dress and then I bought accessories (gloves, tiara, necklace), so it looks like I already have a Halloween costume for next year. This Friday a coworker is having a Jingle Bell Jorts (jean shorts) party. I think it's a revival of one of his old party themes with a Christmas twist this time, so we have to wear jean shorts with our holiday garb...? There are jorts-themed games and indoor Christmas caroling, I think. Um, don't ask me. I'm going to a Cookie Party Saturday afternoon and then Saturday night I'm staying at Our Lady of the Snows with my family. Next weekend is Christmas at my dad's side and possibly an Ugly Sweater Party, and the week after that is my work party and Christmas! Phew.

It's not just my weekends that are booked, either. I might skip taiko sometime just so I can have a night at home. I like Christmas, though. I'm not stressed, just busier than usual, which is hard to believe.

I don't remember the last time I could honestly say that life was boring and I don't like to be bored, anyway, but I do like stability and predictability on occasion. Something is always preventing that in some area of my life, though. I've learned that the only thing I can count on is change and that life is full of surprises, so I keep the future in mind but I live in the present. I don't really take anything for granted anymore, either. To quote Kung Fu Panda, of all things: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why it's called the present." :)

I like to do drawerings

I like to do "drawerings" and Illustrator is my friend, but I don't always get to do projects like that. We are kicking off the holiday season in a special edition of "Wine Wednesday" at work right about now, though, so they asked me to take a couple hours to make a simple calendar earlier today. It looks like a fun month of work! (They're giving us our own little trees to decorate, too!) I figured I'd just post the calendar instead of telling you what they were. Can you believe I'm actually showing you my work?!


Oh no! It's hard to read at this size. Well, some highlights are 3rd Degree Glass Factory, tree decorating contest, gift exchange/food day, and the Holiday Party! Speaking of which, I'm on my way to the one in the kitchen.

Time off

I haven't spent a night just chilling at home in a while, so tonight was a nice break. I was waaay behind on laundry. Besides that, I just got lost in thought and reading, I guess. I'm on another psychology/sociology kick, which can be a dangerous thing. I'm pretty intuitive, but sometimes I'm still stumped. In fact, recent evidence might have me more stumped now than I was before. I guess sometimes you can't see the forest through the trees until the trees are cut down and it's too late, though. I think that's enough analysis of that for a while. Heh, I wish my sister would just hurry up and become a certified psychologist so she can tell me the answers. I just remembered my personality type is referred to as the "Counselor," so I can't really help this compulsion to understand people. I'll get back to my current research Saturday, I hope. Why do I do this like it's a side job?

I am really looking forward to the long weekend, though. I get off work at 3 tomorrow and then I'm going to Theology at the Bottleworks with Kelsey (from taiko) and her boyfriend, I think. Yay, I have new (and fun) smart friends! Not that all of you aren't smart and fun, of course...you're just, well, "old." ;) No offense or anything. You can come, too, if you want.

Thursday is Thanksgiving at my aunt and uncle's and then Friday is shopping, the Usher concert, and Talayna's (and my unopened Italian wine?) with the friend that came with me to Italy and a friend that we met in our group. Have you experienced the sparkly disco ball explosion that is Talayna's?! Usher and that place are like two dance parties in a row, and they're past due. I should have been dancing straight through the month of November. I guess I'll try dancing my way out of it.

You know how they say "time heals all wounds?" It's meant to be taken literally, but I think it can be used loosely, too, like "time" in a musical sense. Listening to, playing, and dancing to music sure helps, anyway. :)

Oh! That reminds me. I like this song. How does she get her boobs to shoot fireworks? That would be a great party trick:

Just fine

I hate saying goodbye. I guess I technically didn't just say goodbye, though, so I hope it's not the end. Are we lying to ourselves, pretending it's not happening? I'm not sure. Sometimes I feel like I fit in better with that family than I fit in with my own, though. I wish that meant something.

I'll be okay, though. Maybe you didn't know I was ever not okay, but I've been kind of sad lately. I'm not going to get into it here, but let's just say that sometimes I need to care about myself as much as I care about everyone else. At the very least, I need people who are willing and able to return the favor. Luckily, I know a ton of people like that already. I guess you tend to accumulate people like that when you live that way yourself; it's part of that whole "you have to be a friend to have a friend" mentality.

To sum it up, my friends and family are awesome, and I don't like to brag, but I like to think that I'm pretty awesome myself. If you don't know it, I don't need you. End of story.

Ha, I can't get this song out of my head:

Because the bible says so

They're joking, right? (Please.)

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You know what else? The Senate just voted against the Paycheck Fairness Act, an act that would have made it easier to seek damages over pay discrimination based on gender. It also would have ensured employees aren’t retaliated against for seeking out info about what their colleagues get in their paychecks and would have created a new grant program to strengthen negotiation skills in girls and women. I guess it's hard to gauge pay discrimination, though. How do you prove that a man in the same role shouldn't be paid more than a woman? Still, there are rules against other kinds of discrimination. It's just kind of depressing.

The Lady, The Man, And The Liger?

I was recently listening to the "Little Lion Man" song and in my brain, that was a relatively short jump to "The Lady, Or The Tiger?" I kind of thought the story was something more along the lines of "The Man And The Lion," but I guess that would give away the ending, huh? Anyway, you probably know the story. The king finds out about his daughter's lover and puts him on trial. The suitor is placed in an arena and must pick one of two doors--one reveals a beautiful lady (that the princess hates) that he will then marry, the other reveals a vicious tiger that will tear him to pieces. The princess knows what is behind each door and on the day of the trial, she gives a signal to her lover that tells him which door to pick. That is where the story ends. The reader is left to contemplate his fate: "The more we reflect upon this question, the harder it is to answer. It involves a study of the human heart which leads us through devious mazes of passion, out of which it is difficult to find our way. Think of it, fair reader, not as if the decision of the question depended upon yourself, but upon that hot-blooded, semi-barbaric princess, her soul at a white heat beneath the combined fires of despair and jealousy. She had lost him, but who should have him?"

I don't think I fully understood the problem when I first read it in high school or whenever that was. At the time, I think I decided relatively quickly that she picked the tiger because she loved him so much that couldn't stand to see him with someone else; if she couldn't have him, no one could. The pain of losing him to death would eventually pass, but the pain of seeing him happy with someone else would linger. I realize now that is an immature and selfish kind of love, though. If she really loved him, she would want him to be happy, even if he had to be with someone else.

The biggest clue I can find that alludes to the nature or level of their relationship lies in this passage: "This royal maiden was well satisfied with her lover, for he was handsome and brave to a degree unsurpassed in all this kingdom, and she loved him with an ardor that had enough of barbarism in it to make it exceedingly warm and strong. This love affair moved on happily for many months..." Something about that "ardor," "barbarism," and "months" imply to me that this is the kind of love that burns so strong and fast in the early stages, but usually quiets down or even disappears when the newness wears off. Sure, it had the potential to blossom and mature into something deeper, but it sounds like it wasn't there yet.

I actually still think she picked the tiger, but for the reasons I just mentioned and not for the reasons I decided in high school. If she truly loved him, she would have told him to pick the lady because she wanted him to be happy, anyway.

Well, listen to me expounding on the intricacies of love...as I understand it at this very moment. I wonder how much it will change in another 10 years. All I know is my understanding is ever-evolving. Such is life.

Gravity

Sara Bareilles has sort of made the soundtrack to my life. She is so talented and I like her sassy and smart lyrics. She seems like a cool girl, too, and I think we could be friends. I saw her twice and met her last time she was in town in July, but I still really want to go to the concert tomorrow. I waited too long to decide to go, though, and now the Touhill is sold out. Winning them is my last resort...so I'm counting on my sister. :) If I somehow make it there, I will cry through this song:



I've always been sensitive but I never used to cry much, dammit. It doesn't take too much anymore, but maybe it's better this way. I'd rather feel too much than not enough, I think. Well, on second thought, maybe that's best saved for sometime later. :-/

Writing exercise

My copywriter friend posted this on his blog and I thought I'd give it a try. It's a test created by Bill Wright, Creative Director on the Burger King Account at Crispin Porter Bogusky, as a way to gauge a copywriter's skill set.

My writer friend just left 4orce, actually, so we are currently devoid of a copywriter. Maybe this is my shot!

> Give a short, persuasive argument on letting Pluto remain a planet.

Growing up, we were always taught that we had 9 planets in our solar system. There's even a song that goes, "We've got 1, 2, 3 - 4, 5, 6 - 7, 8, 9 pla-nets." If you take out the 9 it ruins the song...and the simplicity of our childhoods.

> Pen a haiku about prairie dogs.

Burrowed deep in the ground
Came to the top to look around
Saw you at Devil's Peak

> Describe toast to a Martian in 50 words or less.

Toast is bread that has been heated until it is crispy. You can eat it by itself, usually with butter, peanut butter, jelly or other sweet spreads or you can put two together, add meat, and make a sandwich. (In Italy, "toast" refers to a thin toasted sandwich.)

> Describe the color red to a blind person.

Red is a passionate and strong color. It is often used to represent anger or aggression or, on the opposite side of the spectrum, love.

> "Employees must wash their hands before returning to work" is such a boring sign. It's ubiquity has rendered it useless (a sobering thought). For all humanity, please rewrite it.

No one wants to eat shit. Use soap.

> You might be a redneck if:

Getting your food "to go" involves scraping it off the street.

> Write a really awful pun.

Ohhh, I have a moral objection to puns, but ask someone who went as an awful pun for Halloween.

> What's your favorite oxymoron?

Hilarious pun :-P

> What's your favorite retronym?

Pepsi Throwback (but I'm partial to Coke, for the record)

> Write 12 synonyms for the word "Go."

Move, proceed, start, continue, walk, run, journey, leave, begin, depart, travel, head to

> Now write 12 antonyms for the same word.

Stop, yield, halt, stay, do not enter, terminate, end...uh, that's all I can think of, but now I successfully have that "Should I Stay Or Should I Go Now?" song in my head

> Extra credit: Diagram the Preamble to the U.S. Constitution.

First of all, how would I even type that? Secondly, hell no.


What does it mean?

Dripping with satire

I have a love-hate relationship with politics. I have a lot of problems with the democratic system, in general, but I think it's still the best system out there. Republicans won the House by a landslide, but it looks like Democrats are keeping the Senate. (And at least the fact that Christine O'Donnell lost is a slight victory for intelligent females everywhere.) That could be interesting. My biggest hope is that this means that somehow both sides will have to start compromising. Wishful thinking, probably.

Congress' current "all or nothing" approach is my biggest frustration with the whole process. The point of having opposing parties should be to keep the other side in check. Now, by "in check," I don't mean "immobile"--I mean "moderate." I don't think the far left or the far right should get away with anything, actually. Their ideas should be...watered down, per se, until they are palatable to a wider range of people. Lack of compromise doesn't work well in real life, so why does it seem to be the only option in Congress? My guess is that candidates...I mean, elected officials...are more concerned with getting re-elected than with getting anything done. Give an inch to the other side and you are essentially giving away your seat at the next election.

America is "sending a message" to Congress again by turning the tables. Perfect, let's hand this back to Republicans. They did such a good job last time. Well good luck, Republicans! Show us how it's done...oh wait, that's kind of how we got here. We gave you 8 years to royally screw us over and the Democrats only got 2 years to try to fix it. We have short memories and even shorter attention spans. In a society of immediate gratification, we no longer have the patience to let anything come to fruition before we're ready to start over with the other guys. Now we came blame you in another 2 years when you don't find the magic bullet solution, either, right? Simply opposing everything without offering alternate solutions still won't get us anywhere, so I hope you come up with something soon. Oh! I know you've already thought of this, but I say we stimulate jobs by sending them overseas! (Hey, at least we're adding jobs somewhere.) Or wait, instead you could spend most of your time reverting health care back to the broken system it's always been so we don't even have to think about the economy thing. Oh hell, just revert everything back to how it was in the Bush days. You already thought of that, too? We're on the same page, then. Ooh, does this mean it's the Democrats' turn to dig in their heels and pout that you're doing everything wrong? Change indeed!

Better yet, let's all stop bullying each other and refusing to cooperate. We all live here and we all have similar problems. Maybe we can find somewhat similar solutions, too.

Funky Cold Medina

Last night was a pretty good party. There was a costume contest, free alcohol, and the special guests were old school rappers! Their big songs came out when I was like 5, but I still know them. It was pretty cool:



And these guys were terrible live, actually, but this is a fun song:



Hmm, they're 20 years older now. Let's not think about that...

Happy Halloween if I don't talk to you before then!

We're creepy and we're kooky

I'm glad I bowed out of tonight's last-minute taiko performance because it gave me time to finish my Morticia dress. It's pretty impressive that we could pull "Drive" together with such short notice, by the way, but we drilled and critiqued the hell out of that song back in February. I think it paid off!

Anyway, I'm rather proud of my dress. I mean, I altered the entire thing using scissors, duct tape, something called "Stitch Witchery" (thanks Melissa!), and one safety pin. I wish I would have taken a "before" picture because it started as a big, long rectangle dress with a rounded collar. I cut out an entire quarter of it (lengthwise), added it to the bottom and the sleeves, took it in on the sides, turned it into a v-neck and voila! Now it's form-fitting to the point that I have to take small steps when I walk. My thumb has been sort of numb for a day because the fabric was hard to cut, but I'm pretty pleased with the rest of the outcome. I can't help but laugh when I wear it with the wig because I look kind of goth. I can't wait to add the makeup (white base, smoky eyes, red lips)!

Joel is going to be Gomez, so he'll have a pinstripe suit, mustache, cigar, and black hair spray in his hair. To top it off, I will be carrying around a detached, animated hand for our pet Thing! :D We're going to what is supposed to be an epic Halloween party ("Freakfest") on Thursday, hosted by a local video production place in the Orpheum Theater. They have at least one party a year with their clients/coworkers, people in the ad business. Previous parties have included midget wrestling and a live monkey. No, really. This one will have "two Grammy-winning artists" (who knows if it's anyone I've heard of) and a 3D film of some sort.

Speaking of 3D, I just discovered that Tim Burton's next movie will be The Addams Family in 3D! Someone also came out with an Addams Family musical earlier this year. It sounds like they're making a comeback. How random.

Oh, something else that's random: I learned the Thriller dance at Six Flags on Saturday! I can't believe I just learned it. We were trying to beat a record (most people doing the Thriller dance at the same time) and we didn't beat it, but it was still awesome. I love Thriller (it's my ringtone!). And Halloween. And sleeping.

Trivial pursuits (uncensored)

I don't have time to put together a coherent and thought-provoking blog right now, so I'm just going to list various, mostly trivial things I've been thinking about. You've been warned...

• Yesss, my signature jeans are back in style! Not that they were ever out of style for me, anyway. I still can't believe I bought skinny jeans last year, but I needed them to show off my boots.

• "If you aren't selling, don't put out the display." I take it to mean don't dress provocatively if you don't want that kind of attention. Word. By the way, I was recently thinking that I never ask anyone if I look fat in anything because I honestly don't care to know. Who made them the judge, anyway? If I'm honest with myself and I think it's flattering, that's really all that should matter.
  

• People that act so important or much better than you (overly narcissistic) are usually trying to convince themselves that they truly are. Don't get me wrong--they don't lack self-confidence by any means, but they do lack self-esteem/self-respect (not to mention self-awareness). It drives their constant need for external validation and adoring fans and I think it's one of the lamest and most unattractive qualities a person can possess. So many people rely on personal validation outside of themselves, but that has to come from within (hmm, see above). It's possible to be confident, self-aware, and modest all at the same time, and it's so much better that way. You know how they say truly powerful people don't need to tell you that they're powerful? I think the same concept applies here. If you are concerned with making other people think you are superior or you rely on them to make you feel secure and worthy, you are surely lacking in those areas. (Not that, say, Mr. Stranger isn't a "worthy" human being, just that he shouldn't give other people the power to decide that for him.) Did I just get too "Dr. Phil" on everyone?
  

• Oh God, a Bee Gees movie?! If you didn't already know this, I can't stand the Bee Gees. No man should sing like that all the time, or basically ever. They say that CPR chest pumps should be timed to the beat of "Stayin' Alive." That must be the only thing that song is "good" for, then, if you can say it's good for that. I mean, imagine someone singing or playing that while they're trying to resuscitate you--that's either the last song you'll hear before you die or the first song you'll hear when you come back. It's a lose-lose situation. (Okay, there's technically more losing if you die.)
  

• I don't read Perez Hilton, by the way. I saw the post on facebook somewhere. I'm vaguely familiar with the idea that he's a whiny a**hole, though. I think I recently read a headline that said he's been talking badly about gay people. That confuses me because I could have sworn he was gay himself. I don't like to stereotype, but the guy is running a celebrity gossip site...
  

• Speaking of which, those recent suicides are terrible and this guy is awesome. Thank God we (most of us) grow out of middle school and high school drama. Everything was a big deal. What was all that fuss about, anyway? I have sort of this uneasy feeling just thinking about how peer pressure seemed to rule and how fake most of it was. Based on the tiny bits of info I just tried to gather on facebook, the coolest kids seem pretty boring now. Actually, I thought most of them were pretty boring then, too. We should compare notes. :)
  

• This is going to be another long week. I already had a tight deadline on a project, but now that project is twice as big as originally planned. Project management misunderstood exactly what we needed to produce and now, in addition to producing unexpected animation concepts, we have to allow "time" for two other companies to work on the files after I am finished. It's not my fault, but it's hitting me hard, anyway. It's frustrating because this manager never seems to know what's going on. I asked a ton of questions upfront (as usual, because she leaves so much out) and it didn't matter. I'm hoping this crazy schedule is not a trend now that the creative director is gone.

• Oh, this is my favorite song right now! No, really. Have you heard it? It's just so catchy and unexpected:
  

Cee Lo Green "Fuck You"
Uploaded by Push36. - Explore more music videos.

And on that note....Just kidding, I love you all! ;)

Cold, Hot and Cool

I was really planning on calling my friend tonight, but I got home late from work and then had to do grown-up stuff involving insurance. I probably shouldn't be doing too much talking now, anyway. I sound like I've been smoking for decades. This cold started Saturday and last night was miserable, but I'm feeling a little better now. I go on hyper defense as soon as I get sick and do whatever I can think of to get rid of it--juice, tea, cold-eez, soup, naps, etc. Maybe it's working. Joel's sick, too. He started it. At least the dreaded "man cold" doesn't usually hit him that hard. ;)

That pole dancing thing on Saturday was pretty cool. It's sort of like a sexy circus show. It reminded me that when I was a kid, I always climbed up the poles on the playground instead of sliding down them. Ha, maybe I'm a born pole dancer! Taking classes would be fun, actually, but I don't think I could ever perform it in front of a crowd. I'll probably take another hip hop class first, because I just remembered a class that I never got around to taking a year ago. It's on Mondays! The head of that dance company found me on linkedin a month ago somehow. I think it's a sign.

I found this article on yahoo today. Graphic designer is their #1 fun job that pays well! Pretty sweet. I mean, it's still work and sometimes it's stressful, but it's a hell of a lot more fun than other jobs that I could be doing.

Speaking of work, I suspect I have another busy day tomorrow, so it's time for bed. Good night!

Long time no write

So much to write, so little time. I spent most of the night baking. I started out with cupcakes (with Halloween sprinkles!) and figured I might as well make chocolate chip cookies while I was at it. By "it," I mean using the oven in any meaningful way. This might not happen again until Christmas! Sure, I'll heat things up or make pasta or whatever, but I'd rather be doing something else. I don't like to spend much time eating (as most people on the Japan trip can attest to), so I really don't want to spend much more time preparing it. I can read and follow directions with the best of them, though, if I have a recipe. (I thought anyone could cook if they had a recipe in front of them, but then someone proved me wrong.) I'm more familiar with baking, which makes sense, since I'm also more familiar with eating things that are baked. Most sweets are still better in batter/dough form. Why don't we just skip the oven entirely?! :)...Oh wait, my stomach is vaguely reminding me of why it's a good idea to let the batter solidify in the oven before I eat it. Still, I have no regrets.

I started all of this nonsense because of a going away pot luck tomorrow. The creative director-- the second in command/basically co-founder of the company/man that interviewed me--is leaving soon. He decided to move to a start-up company, but he's still leaving rather reluctantly. He has spent more time at 4orce than anywhere else, though. It's disappointing because he's a cool guy and I think I could have learned a lot more from him. Hopefully, his replacement will be just as good. The creatives are having a meeting with the CEO tomorrow to talk about next steps, but I have faith that it will turn out okay.

The weekend should be pretty awesome. Tomorrow I might swing by the Science Center for a monthly telescope viewing and then I'm going to a midnight showing of The Room, which has been called the "Citizen Kane of bad movies." I'm hoping it will be so bad that it's good, like Superfun Yeah Yeah Rocketship. I saw him for the first time last night and WOW. He wasn't dressed as a furry then, but it was still hard to look away. It was really terrible and ridiculous and fantastic all at once. Ha, check out the quotes on his facebook page.

I'm looking forward to some more avant-garde events at Atomic Cowboy in the next few days, too. The first is an "Acrobatic Pole Dancing Extravaganza" and the second is a "Bike-In Movie" showing Zombieland. The pole dancing show is actually my idea. I've never been to a strip club, but I've seen pole dancing at artsy events and I think it's pretty cool. There's usually some burlesque sprinkled in, too. Note that in burlesque, they leave something to the imagination and add some class and even talent to taking off most (but not all) of their clothes. I approve...not that anyone needed my approval. Plus, it's something different, which is usually part of my goal when I go out. The Bike-In Movie is exactly as it sounds.

I'm also going to continue to piece together my Halloween costume. I'm going as Morticia from the Addams Family and Joel will be Gomez! Oddly enough, my mom already had the perfect wig in our Halloween stash, so the hardest part will be altering a dress to fit properly. It would be a lot easier with a sewing machine...

I still have much more to say, but sleep will not allow it. I shouldn't wait this long to update my blog! I'm sure you've all been on the edge of your seats just waiting for a post. ;)

Does Everyone Really "Deserve" Love And Happiness?

I thought this was an interesting article (click the headline), and I totally agree. Simply being alive or pretty or born to a rich family or whatever else doesn't mean you deserve anything by default. I know that's a hard concept for America, in particular, though.

Let's just be honest with ourselves and each other: if you aren't such a great person, why would you automatically "deserve" someone great in return? Why should that person deserve you? We all seem to expect happiness and the best that life can offer, but we also practically expect those things to magically appear next to us on the couch (or in someone else's purse). There's a growing epidemic of entitlement that's only getting worse with the recession.

Does Everyone Really "Deserve" Love And Happiness? | The Frisky

Step away from the computer

I'm at work but I'm waiting on more projects, so here I am. I'm too fast for my own good sometimes. Um, so...what's up? I found out first thing this morning that I am off work on Friday, and that I have a long (3 1/2 hour) company "lunch" thing on Thursday! We're getting picked up by a limo bus, and I don't know what that is, but at least it sounds fancier than a regular bus. I think it's an annual meeting kind of deal and they're taking us to a secret location 8 miles away. Is that like CWE territory? Forest Park? Soulard? The east side? I don't know. I vote for Fairmount Park (horse races). I mean, they have a "playing hooky" special on weekdays and everything. Ooh, I wonder what Talayna's (the tacky karaoke/dance place on Hampton) is like in the daytime. We should try it.

Speaking of karaoke, I did that on Saturday in front of friends that have never seen me do it (which is almost everyone outside of taiko) and they were surprised. I'm not terrible--like, I could be a good backup singer--but for some reason, everyone expects me to be! Why is that? I'm musically inclined, so it seems reasonable that I could carry a tune or at least be given the benefit of the doubt. Maybe bad until proven good is just the default expectation of karaoke? I didn't claim to be either, so it was open to interpretation. Which reminds me of something I've been thinking of lately: Can tone deaf people even tell when someone else is on key? I ask because I did karaoke with someone and she thought I was off key (when I'm pretty sure I was on, at least), and then she sang and...gave new meaning to the term. It was entertaining and I'm not telling the story to put her down or anything, but it got me wondering. Maybe it's like American Idol Reject Syndrome.

Facebook has been prompting me to reconnect with the same friend for at least a week. It even "refreshes" to the same person. Is that normal? Listen Facebook, if I'm going to ignore a suggestion to reconnect with someone, I want to ignore multiple suggestions. Stop making me feel bad about this particular one. Sometimes you are totally evil and manipulative. I think Facebook is morphing into Big Brother, or maybe the anti-Christ. The computers are making us their slaves! Well, I'm breaking free! For the next few hours, at least...

Sangria and sake

I'm giving myself 15 minutes to write before I jump into everything I have to do today. Last night was a girls night out with 3 of my good friends. It had been too long! As much as I hate to say it, we are kind of like the Sex & the City girls. I'm a Miranda (the independent, career-minded one), in case you were wondering--I just seem like a Charlotte at first glance. Anyway, we spent the night sipping sangrias and martinis, talking and laughing about guys, jobs, and dreams, and doing a little dancing. The boys admired us as we passed, but to my surprise, they left us alone. It was fantastic! I really missed those girls. Tonight I get to see other people it seems like I haven't seen much lately and I have an excuse to wear my Hawaiian dress (luau theme). Why have we all been so busy lately?

After next weekend, things should slow down a little bit. I'm excited about the Japanese Festival. It's an honor to be taking the leader's parts on songs and I think I'm playing them adequately, but I wish he was still playing them instead. I'm kind of proud of myself, though. I just realized that next weekend will be the first time I've ever done a solo dance in front of a big group and all of a sudden, it's no big deal. A solo anything used to make me cringe because it meant that everyone would be looking at me and I couldn't convince myself that they were paying more attention to the other person. Now, it doesn't even matter. I have bigger things to worry about.

I'm proud of the new kids, too. They were decent when they started, but I notice a huge difference in most of them between try-outs and now. I think drilling the parts and not letting them skate by with mistakes really helped. Bad habits are hard to break, so it's best to keep them from forming in the first place, even if that means being picky while they're still just learning a song. When I put it that way, I'm surprised that was a new approach. Anyway, I think it paid off and I think it's going to be a good show, complete with costume changes and well-organized drum movements. It really is a group effort. Someone (an audience member that's somehow affiliated with the group) recently commented that they could always tell the new members from the old members at the festival, but that should be especially challenging this year. We are gearing up to kick some ass...

Gun (out of) control

Last night's topic at Theology at the Bottleworks was "Gun Control In America." I have a special interest in that because when my cousin was 13 (I was 6), he was accidentally shot at a friend's house. His friend found his dad's loaded gun, didn't think it was loaded, aimed and fired at my cousin. He's been paralyzed ever since and it's turned into nerve damage and all kinds of messy things in the past few years. Nothing ever happened to the dad that left his loaded gun out because there were not any laws against it 20 years ago. I'm not even sure there are laws against it now.

I have never had a desire to own a gun, but I'm not entirely opposed to people that have them, either. I have no problem with people that use them for sport or people that keep one around for protection in, say, the ghetto. Statistically, though, people with a gun in their home are more likely to use it on a family member or friend than a criminal. I would really like to know how many people bought a handgun for self defense and then actually used it for that purpose. My guess is those people don't "need" it as much as they think they do, and those that used it in "self defense" against a family member did so in a fit of rage.

That's not really my issue, though, that's just the reason I personally have no desire for one. If people that have guns are truly careful with them, then fine. America will never get rid of their guns, even though I wish we didn't have them. There should definitely be stricter laws on obtaining and storing them, though, and there should be (harsher?) consequences for people that are careless with them. Did you know you can get a background check for a gun in 3 minutes?! Yeah, so if I want to work with children, it takes 3 or 4 weeks for a background check, but if I have a child and want to add a gun, it takes 3 minutes. I don't even need to know how to use a gun! That bothered me so much last night that I actually spoke up (for the first time in those meetings) and pointed that out.

I guess another reason to get a gun is to protect yourself from the government or, I don't know, the apocalypse? If that makes you feel better, go for it, but I suspect that if the government really wanted to fight us there would be no contest. It wouldn't be the civil war, I doubt they would decide on hand-to-hand combat. In the case of an apocalypse, well...I guess we'll have to wait and see. We've only got a year and some change for that anyway, right?

Revised/updated Bucket List

I wrote this list 2 years ago and the skydiving thing reminded me that I made this list in the first place. I went through and bolded the things that I can cross off and italicized things that are in progress or that I'm deleting. I can cross off more than I thought! Kinda cool.

1. Visit Italy (particularly Rome, Venice, Florence, maybe Milan).
2. See Big Ben, Buckingham Palace, and Stonehenge.
3. Explore Bauhaus design and history in Germany.
4. Visit the Louvre, Moulin Rouge, and the Eiffel Tower. (still debating the 2011 trip)
5. Visit New York City during Christmas time.
6. Surf in Hawaii.
7. Road trip without a particular destination in mind.
8. Learn a second language and use it in the country of origin. (eh, I'll count some Italian)
9. Walk the Golden Gate Bridge.
10. Take a bicycle tour or go backpacking somewhere.
11. Ride a donkey to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.
12. Take a cruise.
13. See Machu Picchu and Mayan ruins.
14. Visit Dubai.
15. Travel to the 9 U.S. states I have missed (Alaska, Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Oregon, Idaho).
16. Immerse myself in the center of a big city for at least two months.
17. Swim with dolphins.
18. Sleep under the stars. (I'm reneging this one because of mosquitoes/bugs! Let's go with "Kiss while gazing at the stars" or something.)
19. Go white water rafting.
20. Go up in a hot-air balloon.
21. Rock climb on actual rocks.
22. Skydive.
23. Exhibit my photography at an art gallery (not a student one).
24. Sing a karaoke song by myself. (times 20!)
25. Compose a taiko song.
26. Minor in dance.
27. Dance or play in the pouring rain.
28. Flash a stranger once, like at Mardi Gras (oh well, why not?).
29. Spend a night in a haunted house.
30. Ride a motorcycle.
31. Ride a jet ski.
32. Ride a horse along a beach.
33. Learn how to golf.
34. Join a bowling league.
35. Protest something important.
36. Smoke weed, just to try it.
37. Learn a new skill at least once a year. (In progress)
38. Shower in a waterfall. (No thanks. Too cold!)
39. Get married.
40. Have a child (or 2).
41. Run for office of some kind (even if it's just alderwoman).
42. Take a sick day when I'm not sick.
43. Serve at a soup kitchen.
44. Fly in a helicopter.
45. Go inside the White House.
46. Teach a dance class.
47. Hang glide.
48. Own a dog.
49. See an active volcano up close.
50. Bust out my real dance moves in a public setting.

Pre-weekend boredom

The good part about leaving work early on a Friday afternoon is that I don't have to work or do anything in particular. The bad part is that almost everyone else still does, so I have to wait for their day to be over before we can play. Sure, I could clean my room or whatever--I will, eventually, but didn't I just do that a few days ago?

Anyway, I'm in the mood to write again. I've been inspired lately, I guess. My profile picture on facebook (jumping at the top of the mountain) is generally how I've been feeling. I'm skydiving with Eddie next weekend, too, which should make it that much better. I've been saying for a while that roller coasters are enjoyable but they don't get my adrenaline going, so I figure skydiving should do the trick. I'm still a little nervous about it because I have been given too much time to think about it, though. I decided to go bungee jumping like 15 minutes before I actually went, so I kind of wish skydiving happened the same way. You know, like I'd be taking a nice little ride on an airplane and then someone would offer me a parachute and the chance to jump. After a few minutes of training, I'd probably be crazy enough to do it. I'm crazy enough to do it now, anyway, but more nervous than I would be if it happened spontaneously. I wonder if preferring a (15 minute warning) spontaneous skydive over one that's planned two weeks in advance just makes me sound crazier.

That reminds me of the "passion for adventure and excitement" line in my new work bio. I was actually surprised that the writer put that in there. It's true, I just don't think many people pick up on that unless they know me well. I remember this writer once telling me I was "secretly cool," though, so I guess I'll take it. I just normally come across as the Quiet Girl, which tends to translate as "boring" and "safe." I'm not exactly "unsafe," but I enjoy taking measured risks for my own personal thrills and I like to think that I'm not that boring, so whatever. As a side note on the bio, the original opening line said I was known around the world as a "highly skilled taiko drumming machine" and I asked him to take out the "highly skilled" part. I'm not sure I would even say I'm "highly" skilled in the local group. (That's probably why I'm so annoyed by someone I consider to be an overly cocky taiko player.) We debated the "worldwide" part, too, but I figured if Japan knew about the group, he could leave it. I didn't even want to debate the "master" of the dance thing after that, although I just told him those are dance forms that I had tried. I was kind of hoping he would mention that I always wanted to be an artist and that I was a seasoned coloring contest winner at a young age, but he ran out of time.

Speaking of creative pursuits, today is International Left Hander's Day! I'm not sure if it's officially been proven or not, but I think that lefties really do tend to be more creative. Joel's left-handed and he's noticed that about musicians, too. Left-handed people make up only 10% of the population, but they probably make up about 40% of my social circle. Not all of them have active creative pursuits, but those that do tend to be especially good at them.

Lefties also tend to be especially evil, according to history. "Sinister" means "left" in Latin and similar things in many other languages. If you wrote with your left hand, you probably were also posessed by the devil. If I were conservative, I would place a political joke about the left here, but instead I'll let you use your imagination.

Well, I think I have killed enough of my time and wasted enough of yours, so I won't bother you for the rest of the weekend (unless we have a phone date). Have a good one!

The Parting of the Red Sea

If I had free time before 10pm on a weekday, I would call my long-distance friends and catch up. Since that won't happen until probably Saturday (but tomorrow if I'm lucky), I'll just catch up with this. So...let's see. Work is still going well. I can't believe how fast the days are going! I'm not begging the clock to speed up anymore. I feel like some of my co-workers don't realize how spoiled we are. Yes, sometimes annoying clients or crazy deadlines will ruin your day--I mean, it's still work--but we get to do the fun stuff compared to most people. We have variety. We play loud music and sing along if we want to, talk to each other across the room, grab a free snack from the well-stocked snack drawer or a free drink from the fridge. We have some bold red walls and bolder posters and decorations. We can wear shorts, jeans, and flip flops and don't have to clock in and out at exact times. A co-worker's little dog is practically our mascot and keeps watch by the door.

All things considered, we've got it pretty good, so it bugs me when I hear someone rave about the "awesome snack drawer" at the video production place down the street, for example. Um, hello, the lady who stocks our drawer asks for requests! I didn't realize that the addition of Pay Days would make it more awesome, anyway. I guess the grass is always greener somewhere else. Not for me, though. I know how good we have it. I mean, we had to pay the vending machine for our snacks and drinks at my last two companies. Can you believe it?! Yeah, most people can, because that's all they get.

I'm usually pretty appreciative of whatever I have, though. I guess I live with the constant awareness that "it could always be worse," no matter how "bad" it initially seems. It's all in your perspective. Talk to some people in third world countries and compare notes, or just think about their situation for a second. Now quit your damn whining, America! Okay, complaining is human nature or at least a modern cornerstone of American culture, but maybe tone it down a little, huh? Otherwise, I'm moving to Canada. :)

In other news, Joel's getting a bigger store across the street from Blueberry Hill. I think that's pretty awesome. I picked out some paint colors for the walls yesterday (because it's fun!) and maybe I'll help paint on Friday. Oddly enough, the basement of this new place is where I first met Joel's dad and 5 or 6 aunts and cousins. (I met his brother later that night, too.) His cousins had a concert there, at what used to be known as the Red Sea. That was in December of 2007, before Joel had any plans to have a store in The Loop and months before I would say we started dating. I was wondering why he invited me to a family Christmas after-party event, though. In fact, I still wonder why he did that, come to think of it. It's not like he normally introduced girls to his family. We were still just friends as far as I was concerned. I wasn't even sure he was interested! It only took another 6 months for me to confirm that he was. Ha.

So last week, Joel's dad gave me a tour of the new store. We stood in the same place where we met more than 2 1/2 years ago, only this time, Joel owned it and I knew why I was standing there. Wow, so much has changed! What an unpredictable turn of events. I guess you could say the parting of The Loop's Red Sea has revealed another miracle. :)

Full-On Double Rainbow All the Way!

It's so intense! Maybe this is old news, but I missed half of June. Have you seen the double rainbow thing? It's kind of a running joke at the office. This guy really likes rainbows:



As if that isn't enough, there's a song, too:



Catchy. I have the perfect dance for it, too. :)

Microsoft iPod Mashup

Okay, so Apple's clean and smart branding is partially why I'm an Apple snob, but I'm a designer. I can't help it! Imagine if Microsoft made the ipod:



My sister just got an iphone, which means she's suddenly cooler than me, I think. I am not caving! Yet? Oh great, now I have that "Cooler Than Me" song stuck in my head, and also Sonic the Hedgehog 2 music, by default. Why? Well, I'm pretty sure that the last 30 seconds of "Cooler Than Me" were inspired by a combination of the Emerald Hill Zone and Chemical Plant Zone, but I can't exactly place it. It definitely sounds like something out of that game, though. (I never even owned it, just played it at family and friends' houses.) You be the judge. Check this out, while you're at it.

On a(nother) completely random and unrelated topic, I was just reading something about the favorite scents of men and women. Look's like lavender and pumpkin pie is a winner for both! Wait, what? When was the last time you had lavender in your pumpkin pie? Anyway, these results make me laugh:

Scents that appeal to men-Lavender and pumpkin pie, doughnut with black licorice, and doughnut and pumpkin pie were the winners. Orange, black licorice, lily of the valley, buttered popcorn, vanilla, pumpkin pie, and lavender (alone). (Doughnuts and pumpkin pie, huh? Me too! In fact, just "dessert" is enough for me. If I meet a man that smells like that, look out.)

Scents that appeal to women-Good & Plenty and cucumber, Good & Plenty and pumpkin pie, lavender and pumpkin pie, baby powder and chocolate, and baby powder by itself. Also, unlike men, women are turned off by scents like cherry, barbecued meat, and...men's colognes. (Baby powder and chocolate? Smells like a biological clock to me.)

I guess those are reasonable, maybe. Good & Plenty, though, ladies? First of all, does that really differ from just plain black licorice that much? Second of all, have you tried them? They taste like black licorice! I just had a flashback to the first and last time I think I had them, which is funny...When the taiko group was in Chicago (well, sort of), we went to Walgreens to stock up on drinks or whatever and Joel gave me some. Ha, I'll have to ask him if he knew about that correlation back then. Maybe this whole thing was rigged!

...Well, I haven't had a random, sleep-deprived post like that in a while. You're welcome and good night!

Eat Pray Love

I just finished that Eat Pray Love (One Woman's Search for Everything) book that I mentioned earlier, after I took a little break from it for a while. The movie with Julia Roberts comes out in a few weeks and I'm sure I'll go see it, despite my apathy for Julia Roberts. I'm actually sad that I'm finished with the book, because I bought it at the Rome airport on my way home and in some ways it was an extension of the trip. The author actually starts her main journey in Rome, oddly enough.

It's an autobiography about a woman in her early 30's who decides that she needs to discover the answers to life's questions on her own. She divorces her husband, has a fling, and then spends a year "finding herself" in Italy (eating), India (praying), and Bali (loving). It was an insightful and witty book and I liked it, overall, but I felt like this woman should have spent more time figuring herself out before she got married and dragged someone else into her personal struggles. All of a sudden she realized that she had been jumping from relationship to relationship since she was 15 and that she never took time for herself.

I think that's a problem for many women, but I can't relate to that part of the story. I always thought it was common sense that a solid sense of self was required before a serious relationship, and so I took plenty of time on that. Honestly, I think people that did that first are better off. Maybe some people think they need that other person to help them define themselves, but it just seems counter-intuitive and riskier than it needs to be. How can you tell that you've lost yourself if you haven't even found yourself yet? Or at least, how can you be sure of it? For me, someone else would have just been a distraction or a complication. The author seems to agree. Relationships are supposed to help you grow, but you have to start on solid ground.

I guess the author's level of immaturity and self-absorption in the beginning just seemed more typical of someone who's 10 years younger. If you suppress yourself for that long and spend your time morphing into other people, though, that's probably where you end up. I certainly am not close to having all the answers, but I am closer than I was a few years ago and closer than this lady was at the beginning of the book. That's my journey, though. I shouldn't project that on other people, but I am my only reliable point of reference. Everyone needs to find their own way and I'm still finding mine. Maybe that never really ends.

Procrastination

I don't have time for this, really, but I can't focus on those posters that I'm supposed to be doing. You know you're having problems with procrastination when you subconsciously create a song about it. The song I am currently replaying in my head is based on the Sesame Street "Cooperation" song from my childhood, only my version goes: "Procrastination makes it happen, procrastination working together (dig it)." Catchy, right? And totally inaccurate. I blame the Sesame Street reference on the fact that Joel is going to Alaska soon, because that reminded me of another old song called "Ookyook." It seems like they played that song all the time. So cute!

Work is going pretty well, I think. My first project is to make an events poster for the office. All the designers have made one with a range of themes. Mine is going to be in the style of a 1950's monster movie poster because it's a cool style and I was on an old movie kick not too long ago. They pretty much have three things in common: 1. They are mostly illustration with cool, hand drawn type, 2. There is a woman struggling to break free/fainting from the monster (in half of them), 3. People are running/gasping in horror. Since it's for October-December, the monster is going to be a godzilla-sized turkey (Turkilla Strikes Back) possibly flailing in front of a background of fire, maybe carrying a woman, and getting shot at from the ground/helicopter. I'm struggling with turning it into a painting in photoshop, though. Hopefully by the end, I will get it.

I like my co-workers and I've gone to lunch and/or drinks with them (drinks just today and Friday) every day so far. Aside from my boss who's in his early 40's, maybe, they're all basically my age or a few years older. They're either newlyweds or single and most don't have kids. I think our personalities mesh well. I can get along with almost anyone, but that doesn't always (or usually) mean I feel like I belong with the group. I just tend to be kind of "different" in most cases, which is not always a bad thing. It's nice to naturally belong to a group sometimes, though. At an agency, we're like the same or similar brands of "different." We get it. It's nice.

Three people that I work with used to be at Momentum. At least two other people worked with or went to college with friends that are not in the business at all. (Melissa--One is good friends with David from JFK!) St. Louis really is like a big small town in some ways.

I'm still trying to gauge the potential time commitment required for this job, but it sounds like I can leave around 6 most days. As long as it's not consistently later than that like at Momentum, that's fine. I don't know if I could go back to that kind of schedule after I've had a taste of a normal 9-5 job. I was asking a co-worker (28 and newly married, for some background) about what it's typically like and she said that some people at the company work late more consistently, but she makes sure she never stays too late. Her home life trumps work. I told her my concerns and she just said to stay true to myself. I think I've gotten pretty good at that, anyway, and am not that susceptible to being overworked anymore. Sometimes I can get a little lost in it, but that's usually a good sign. The days already seem to be moving 10 times faster than they did at the insurance company and I hardly have any projects yet.

Hmm, sometimes I get lost in writing, too. Time for bed!

What goes around comes around

I went to lunch with someone from Momentum yesterday and it was nice to catch up. I found out some news that kind of made my day, too, and reminded me of more reasons why not moving to Chicago was still a good choice. Momentum unexpectedly lost a lot of Kraft business in late 2008/early 2009 and most of the team was laid off or they quit. The group creative director there, the one and only person I honestly disliked at the company and the person that put me (and many others) on the chopping block, was laid off about a year after me. As far as the person I went to lunch with knew, no one kept in touch with him or was sad to see him go--and he didn't like us, either.

Out of curiosity, I looked up some other old Chicago team members on LinkedIn. Only one person that I recognize on the creative side is still there and I don't know what became of the others. It's probably a combination of things, but my guess is that there were more layoffs than anything else. The girl that took my place on the team in Chicago lasted an entire 6 months, April-October. I can't say for sure why, but it makes me wonder if that would have been my fate, anyway. I can guarantee that she didn't even get to the real crazy parts of that job, though. Toolkit season started in late October! Now I'm pretty confident they really were screwed on that monster project, quite possibly the biggest and most expensive project of the year. It must have been easy if a peon like me was put in charge of it, though, right Mr. Pompous GCD? Surprise!

Getting laid off turned out to probably be one of the best things that happened to me, but I think it came about for the wrong reasons (the GCD's ego, for one). I get a tinge of satisfaction knowing that the Kraft team in Chicago imploded after it's St. Louis counterparts stopped coming to the rescue, anyway. I never wish bad things on people, but I just hope the group creative director got what he deserved. That seems like a fair statement. I hope I get what I deserve at this new place, too. At least, I think I do...

Yesss

I lied. This is what I've actually been doing all day:

Transition

I forgot how nice it was to be off on weekdays. The house is slightly less neglected than it was before because I'm actually here in the daytime. Granted, I've been working on posters off and on, but also sort of cleaning intermittently. I'm reading that Eat, Pray, Love book that I keep hearing about, too. I picked it up on the way back from Rome and I'm just now starting the India section. I agree with the critics that say she complains too much, but I still like her writing style and the overarching point of the book, which is her journey of personal discovery. Go figure...

Tomorrow I'm going to lunch with some old Momentum people and going on a shopping spree! I still can't believe my team gave me a $150 gift card as a going away present. Sh*t, I didn't even get a thank you card from the company that laid me off! Some of my friends there took me to lunch, though.

I'm always surprised by some of the people that do nice things for me on my way out. For example, someone brought me lunch from Chick-Fil-A on Tuesday, my last day! It was the person that I carpooled with to Toastmasters, but not someone that I talked to much otherwise. Awkward guy wasn't even there on Tuesday, by the way. Maybe I'll find another creeper at my new place to keep up the tradition...but hopefully not. It's statistically less likely at a smaller company.

The gift card is a perfect example of why it was hard to leave the insurance company. Even though I was bored to death most of the time, they really appreciated everything I did for them, no matter how small. They even praised my great work ethic, which baffles me. That was nothing! If I was working at my Momentum speed, I could have come into my insurance job like once a week. Maybe I don't even know what a bad work ethic entails. I guess I should have taken naps. I actually prefer to work at work, though, which is why I like the challenge of crazy deadlines. Sometimes, I would fake a crazy deadline at Midwest just to make it more interesting.

My year and a half at Midwest really did as much as it could do for my career, though. This move is another step in the right direction. Oh, this is the new place. Joel calls it "Four-orce," which seems valid, based on the spelling. They just changed their name/site, so there's not too much on there yet. They're making a big push towards the user experience of a website, so they have a new testing lab and "Usability Scientists." It seems like a pretty good idea.

This all came out of nowhere, but I think that's a good sign. This new place seems to really want me there. It recently occured to me that I had kind of given up on looking for/recognizing "signs" altogether, actually. Maybe I was afraid of what they might tell me or that I would read them wrong. Since my career is getting back on track, though, I am reassessing everything. As I have been reminded so many times before, often the key to navigating life is simply knowing when to let go and when to hold on. Except, it's usually not simple at all. All things considered, floating with the current has gone pretty well so far, but when does it become necessary to fight the tide?

I'm back (sort of)

It's been a while since I've posted much of anything on here, huh? It's not because I lack material to write about, that's for sure. I guess I lack focus because I'm not sure how to write about everything at once. I also lack time, but that's pretty normal. Sometimes I wonder how my version of "busy" compares to everyone else's. I tend to think that "normal" for me would qualify as "busy" for a fair amount of people. If I say I have "no time," for example, it means that I literally have maybe 30 minutes free to change clothes/eat dinner between 8am and 10pm--for a few days in a row. I just like to be out and about and I can usually relax and have fun once I get to my intended destination. Still, it doesn't leave room for home activities.

I keep myself especially entertained in the summer, so recently, I have had to practically force myself to stay home and work on some freelance. Luckily, it's fun stuff. I'm creating some posters for "The Producers" because a co-worker is in charge of a production of it. "Springtime for Hitler" is coming right along (but I can't get the song out of my head!). Next up is a "Funny Boy" poster, a musical of Hamlet.

Tuesday is my last day at my current job and then I start the new job on Monday. That means I have 3 days off and I'll be in town! Imagine the possibilities: the drive-in, Muny free seats, lunch with old Momentum people, and Third Friday at Third Degree Glass Factory top the list so far...and taiko? Uh, we'll see. I'm already bummed that the Aug. 6 performance botches my plans for Back to the Future at Union Station and the Star Party at the Science Center! Those things only happen once a month and only through Sept., I think.

So much to do, so little time. I'm still trying to squeeze a Blues Cruise, Grizzlies game, Boathouse night paddle, Live on the Levee, Jungle Boogie at the zoo, Joel's band thing, another MoBot Wed. concert, more Muny shows, a bike "amazing race" style competition, horse races, and Parties in the (old post office) Plaza into the next month! I'm pretty sure I'll get to most of it, too, because that's how I roll. :) That's why I was "busy" even when I didn't have a job, by the way, in case you were wondering.

Oh, and Italy was amazing! It's an entire country of art, history, food, wine, and ambiance. I'm really glad I got that new camera, too, because I think I got some nice pictures. I've been wanting to go there for a long time and I was not disappointed by anything...well, except the bathrooms. Most of the public ones didn't even have toilet seats and only about half of them flushed! Plus, some of them expected tips or an actual set amount of euros! I definitely appreciate even gas station bathrooms in America now. I also appreciate ice. No one goes to Italy for those things, though.

The Maryville group was a diverse mix of people, ranging from 24 to 80 years old, but we got along well. They want to continue the tradition every year, and next year they are going to France. I'm not sold yet, but I haven't ruled it out, either. I've found that it's really hard for me to turn down an opportunity to travel, though, because I think now is the perfect time to do it. I'm looking forward to San Francisco in November with taiko, at least! Then I'll just have to go to Boston, Austin, and possibly Maine and Alaska for my personal tour of America to be complete. I think I've been to 42 states so far. Maybe I'll go to the rest of them, too, at some point.

Well, it seems I have run out of time, but that should get you relatively up to speed. There's more to my story, of course, but who has time for that?

Gasp!

Did you see this new template design thing?! I don't have time for this, but I couldn't help it. Plus, I am going on vacation tomorrow, so palm trees are appropriate. I don't think they have them in Italy, do they? I'll find out soon! Still need to finish up some packing, but I'm not too worried about it. I didn't wait until the last minute, for once.

Oh, and I got a job offer today! Yeah, that place I was talking about is offering about 10% more than I make now and it's the kind of job that I really wanted before I fell into my current one. I'm pretty sure I'm going to go with it, but I hate the thought of telling my supervisor. She is amazing! Maybe I'll do some freelance for them or something. I'll also be doing some freelance poster design for "The Producers" when I get back. Someone that I work with is in charge of a show in Florissant, so that's kind of fun.

You know what's weird? Two years ago I went on a big vacation (Australia/New Zealand) and came back to NO job. This time, I'll come back to TWO jobs. Oh, life. You're funny.

Decisions, decisions

I had an interview at lunch today. Someone that I interviewed with in 2008 remembered me and contacted me out of the blue to "chat" about a new opening. Well, it went really well and I think I'm actually the top pick for the position! He said if I wasn't interested I should let him know and he'll expand his search, but he's basically set on me if I'm in. There are many factors to consider still, but if they can beat my current salary, I should probably accept it. Barring that current unknown, the pros outweigh the cons. I'm glad that I struck out on my own in my current job and broadened my experience, but I am ready to get back into an agency setting with other creatives. I've been out of it for two years now.

It was a very honest discussion. I'm sort of a seasoned veteran in my professional life already and I know what I'm looking for. Momentum burned me, so I essentially wanted to know if this agency would do the same. The person that interviewed me worked at Momentum (before my time), so he knew how to draw the comparisons. For starters, it's an agency of only 20ish people, not part of some huge global bureaucracy like IPG (parent company to Momentum and third-largest marketing/ad company in the world by revenue). This place is set up so that everyone works on all the brands instead of a team that's devoted to just one brand, which means that if they lose business, they don't also lose the people dedicated to that business. Actually, they recently acquired O'Charley's and some other business, which is why they need to add someone. Working 50-60 hours a week happens occassionally, but it's the exception and not the rule.

I'm pretty sure I would be happier there and I feel like I belong in an agency. (It's in a new office in the center of downtown, too. Cool!) I've done a lot for my current company in a year and a half, but it's too easy and I'm rather bored. I'm just not living up to my potential. I got them started with a brand image and a million templates, so most things just require maintenance. I'm launching or wrapping up some big projects but should make plenty of headway on them by July, so if I left, that work should still last them for months (in some cases, years) to come. The thing is, I was planning on going back to an agency 6+ months from now, though, not one month from now. The insurance company has been good to me and my boss is AMAZING, though, so that's the main thing holding me back. I don't want to burn bridges.

I told the interviewer many of my concerns and he had some interesting things to say. For one, he said that "the curse of being valuable is that we're always in the middle of something." In other words, 6 months from now something else will probably seem "too important to leave." He also said that I should listen to my heart and he wouldn't push me too hard, which strikes me as an unusual thing to say in an interview. He knew I was torn, though, and he's been in this kind of situation.

I'm supposed to keep him posted on my thoughts, so I will at least tell him I'm still interested and hope for an offer. I didn't know what I was getting myself into this afternoon, but now that it's had time to sink in, I would be a fool to turn it down before I even get a written offer. So...life has gotten in the way of plans again, and I don't think I mind it so much anymore. We'll see.

Maybe I should have worn more sunscreen

I ran across that old "Everybody's Free (to Wear Sunscreen)" song/speech in the car a few minutes ago. You know, the graduation speech that someone put to music back in 1998. As I sat listening to it, it occurred to me that the last time I heard it must have been sometime around my 8th grade graduation! And a peculiar thing happened--I started to cry; just a little, but enough to make me wonder where that was coming from.

I realized that I had quickly made the connection between where I was in my life the last time I had heard that song and where I am now--and how much has happened since then! Parts of that speech certainly resonate with me much more than they used to. Am I where I thought I would be? I don't know. I only remember that I always wanted to do "something with art," so in that sense, maybe. Does it matter, anyway? Probably not. Life usually doesn't like to follow plans, though. And I'm okay with that. In fact, "it" often knows where I should be better than I do. It's funny that way. Oh, so funny...after you get through the shitty parts.

Anyway, here's a flashback to the speech:

"Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75^th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen."