I'm finally excited about Japan because it feels real now. It always seemed so far away and vague before, but now there's only a month left and I have an idea of what we'll be doing there. Some highlights, as far as I can tell: Harajuku (design/style district) and kabuki (elaborate theater that seems like the Japanese version of old Globe Theater-style Shakespeare) in Tokyo; climbing Mt. Fuji; temples, old architecture, and geisha in Kyoto/Osaka; Peace Ceremony at Hiroshima on the anniversary of the attack (daytime ceremonies followed by lanterns on the river at night, in memory); relaxing at a taiko member's family hotel (opting out of the hot springs because of the sulfur allergy). Oh yeah, and then there's the taiko festival the next week, our main event. I'm hoping to squeeze in a shiatzu massage and Buddhist meditation or tea ceremony somehow, too. I think everything sounds pretty amazing.
Well, everything except for the public baths (and crazy toilets) sounds amazing. Apparently bathing (as opposed to showering) is huge in Japan, and they don't mind doing it in groups (if you know what I mean ;)...okay no, it's not that kind of naked party). It sounds like something I want to avoid as much as possible, and maybe it won't be applicable, anyway, because of the sulfur allergy. I was hoping to get an authentic experience there with my clothes on, or at least a towel. I'm the girl that doesn't even like bikinis, remember?
I had a dream last night that I got there with the taiko group and we found out we barely had to pack any clothes, anyway--we spent most of our time wearing a bedsheet to cover the front of us, with our arms awkwardly holding it up like at the doctor's office (my doctor's office, at least--I don't even get a hospital style gown!). Maybe it was more of a nightmare, come to think of it.
Speaking of dreams, does anyone else ever have a dream within a dream? Sometimes I will interpret or talk about another very recent dream while I am still dreaming, as if one dream is not complicated enough (over-analyzing at it's finest). For example, on Monday I thought that my boss called me to say she couldn't come in to work and to ask if I could come in early. Well, I "woke up" in bed and started telling someone about this, and it seemed plausible until I got to the part where my phone was disguised as a Bath & Body Works antibacterial soap bottle! (Don't ask me. It was cucumber melon, though, I know that. Also, I'm a...spy?) Silly me, I realized as I was telling it that the "soap phone" meant that it was a dream! However, I was explaining that dream to no one, because I was actually by myself. When I woke up for real, I was totally confused. Did my boss actually call me? Was I late for work? What happened to that person in my bed? Maybe that is why I'm so disoriented in the morning. Yeah, we'll go with that.
Let's see what my brain has cooked up for me tonight. Hopefully it's as good as another dream I had last night...not the sheet dress, but another one that I can't talk about (might jinx it). Well, sweet dreams!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Heavy things
I had lunch with my very first roommate from college today. I see her maybe 4 times a year still and we almost always meander into some heavy topics. This time, it happened to be a relationship issue that has been haunting her lately. It's nice to have these conversations, but it leaves me feeling contemplative and slightly emo. I am wallowing in some semi-depressing movies, which is either helping or making it worse, I'm not sure. Anyway, some important points from either conversations or movies today that I need to get off my chest:
1. Sometimes you have to do things that you don't really want to do because someone else is counting on you and/or you know it would make them happy. It's not always about doing the things you love, it's about doing things with or for the ones you love and showing your support without always being asked.
2. Don't make promises you can't or don't intend to keep. I think not following through with them is more disappointing than not actually making them in the first place.
3. There's no point in being with someone that you constantly want to change, but everyone could use some improvement once in a while. positive change=growth. Of course, you have to know their limits as well as your own.
4. Never be fake or lie in order to make other people like you or to avoid an important argument. It's not worth it. For example, if I find out later that I didn't get the whole truth from someone (and I think I usually figure it out, even though I may not always let on), it is so much worse than just hearing the truth the first time--even if it's something I may not want to hear. I hold honesty and authenticity in very high regard and I don't take kindly to bulls**t. Um, you shouldn't, either.
5. Bottom line: In relationships, women just want to know men actually care and actually appreciate them. (It's the principle behind most arguments.) That is expressed and received in different forms for different people, but figuring that out is essential to a good relationship. It's not all that complicated, I don't think. Actually, it reminds me of this article.
6. Closure is essential to moving on with anything in life. You may never get (or want) that closure from the source of the pain, so it's important to find that within yourself. We all have parts of our lives--days, months, years--that we would rather forget, but those are the things that make us who we are. Forgetting those parts would not do them proper justice, but learning from them would.
I guess I'll close with some quotes from Garden State, just because I like them and as I said, I'm feeling emo:
"Andrew: You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone.
Sam: I still feel at home in my house.
Andrew: You'll see one day when you move out, it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place." (I think home is--should be--the place where you feel safe. It's not necessarily a physical "place" at all.)
And finally: "I know it hurts. That's life. If nothing else, it's life. It’s real, and sometimes it f***in’ hurts, but it's sort of all we have."
1. Sometimes you have to do things that you don't really want to do because someone else is counting on you and/or you know it would make them happy. It's not always about doing the things you love, it's about doing things with or for the ones you love and showing your support without always being asked.
2. Don't make promises you can't or don't intend to keep. I think not following through with them is more disappointing than not actually making them in the first place.
3. There's no point in being with someone that you constantly want to change, but everyone could use some improvement once in a while. positive change=growth. Of course, you have to know their limits as well as your own.
4. Never be fake or lie in order to make other people like you or to avoid an important argument. It's not worth it. For example, if I find out later that I didn't get the whole truth from someone (and I think I usually figure it out, even though I may not always let on), it is so much worse than just hearing the truth the first time--even if it's something I may not want to hear. I hold honesty and authenticity in very high regard and I don't take kindly to bulls**t. Um, you shouldn't, either.
5. Bottom line: In relationships, women just want to know men actually care and actually appreciate them. (It's the principle behind most arguments.) That is expressed and received in different forms for different people, but figuring that out is essential to a good relationship. It's not all that complicated, I don't think. Actually, it reminds me of this article.
6. Closure is essential to moving on with anything in life. You may never get (or want) that closure from the source of the pain, so it's important to find that within yourself. We all have parts of our lives--days, months, years--that we would rather forget, but those are the things that make us who we are. Forgetting those parts would not do them proper justice, but learning from them would.
I guess I'll close with some quotes from Garden State, just because I like them and as I said, I'm feeling emo:
"Andrew: You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone.
Sam: I still feel at home in my house.
Andrew: You'll see one day when you move out, it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place." (I think home is--should be--the place where you feel safe. It's not necessarily a physical "place" at all.)
And finally: "I know it hurts. That's life. If nothing else, it's life. It’s real, and sometimes it f***in’ hurts, but it's sort of all we have."
Long live the king
A few people have asked me what I thought about Michael Jackson's death, so I'm just going to pretend like everyone wants to know and tell all (3) of you. Well, for starters, regardless of his personal life, he was one of the best entertainers of our time, truly a musical icon. He was so talented and had such a major influence on so many musicians (not to mention dancers) after him that it would be a shame not to acknowledge that. Many of his songs are classics, and I can't think of a single one that I just don't like at all.
As for the child molestation rumors that came after the prime of his career, I'm not totally convinced (and it was never proven, anyway). I'm tempted to think that those people were actually preying on him instead, and because he was already so eccentric and vulnerable (and rich), he was an easy target. He started in the music business at age 5 and it essentially robbed him of his childhood. I saw an interview where he said he would spend all day recording in a studio as a child, and he would just cry when he saw the other kids playing on the playground outside the window because he could never join them. I think he was trying to make up for that by surrounding himself with kids as an adult and sharing the childhood he never had with them. Weird? Yes, but I don't think he knew any better, and I don't think he meant any harm. He was just a tortured, lonely soul, and the mystery surrounding him just fed the rumors. I always felt like I had to defend myself even for liking his music after that.
It always seemed like until his death, he was more often ridiculed than praised. I wish people would have said such nice things about him when he was alive, but I guess that's how it goes. Mean and critical things are easier and more entertaining to talk about than nice things, until it's too late. I admit, I am not good at giving compliments or verbalizing my positive feelings, but I am not intentionally mean. Life is often hard enough as it is; why must we contribute to someone else's pain?
R.I.P.
As for the child molestation rumors that came after the prime of his career, I'm not totally convinced (and it was never proven, anyway). I'm tempted to think that those people were actually preying on him instead, and because he was already so eccentric and vulnerable (and rich), he was an easy target. He started in the music business at age 5 and it essentially robbed him of his childhood. I saw an interview where he said he would spend all day recording in a studio as a child, and he would just cry when he saw the other kids playing on the playground outside the window because he could never join them. I think he was trying to make up for that by surrounding himself with kids as an adult and sharing the childhood he never had with them. Weird? Yes, but I don't think he knew any better, and I don't think he meant any harm. He was just a tortured, lonely soul, and the mystery surrounding him just fed the rumors. I always felt like I had to defend myself even for liking his music after that.
It always seemed like until his death, he was more often ridiculed than praised. I wish people would have said such nice things about him when he was alive, but I guess that's how it goes. Mean and critical things are easier and more entertaining to talk about than nice things, until it's too late. I admit, I am not good at giving compliments or verbalizing my positive feelings, but I am not intentionally mean. Life is often hard enough as it is; why must we contribute to someone else's pain?
R.I.P.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
I would definitely bring protection
Improv seems to be returning to St. Louis, and it's about time! Maybe it never really left, I don't know, but it certainly faded after City Improv closed. Well now, every Wednesday at The Stable (old Lemp stables turned bar/brewery, so maybe it's haunted?!), an improv group called "it (the Improv Trick)" performs.
The host is a guy named Bill Chott, a native of St. Louis and a main character in The Ringer. Has anyone else seen that movie? Bill (Thomas) basically leads the charge of retarded (developmentally disabled?) people in the Special Olympics, and I thought he was actually mentally handicapped. The real Special Olympics approved the movie and provided real contestants for it. It turns out that Bill was just acting, though, and I could not look at him the whole night without cracking up. I mean, he was very convincing in the movie! I got his autograph, but I didn't tell him that directly. Instead, I said something like, "I didn't know you were from St. Louis. You were awesome in The Ringer!" Which, of course, only implies that he is an awesome actor...and retarded person. Here, see for yourself (guy in goggles):
The host is a guy named Bill Chott, a native of St. Louis and a main character in The Ringer. Has anyone else seen that movie? Bill (Thomas) basically leads the charge of retarded (developmentally disabled?) people in the Special Olympics, and I thought he was actually mentally handicapped. The real Special Olympics approved the movie and provided real contestants for it. It turns out that Bill was just acting, though, and I could not look at him the whole night without cracking up. I mean, he was very convincing in the movie! I got his autograph, but I didn't tell him that directly. Instead, I said something like, "I didn't know you were from St. Louis. You were awesome in The Ringer!" Which, of course, only implies that he is an awesome actor...and retarded person. Here, see for yourself (guy in goggles):
Monday, June 22, 2009
My little world
Occasionally I like to do these little blogs about whatever is on my mind, because I can't settle on a topic. Here we go:
- I just killed a spider with a paper towel, which is a big deal because it required me to come within arm's length of it (well, my hand was obviously even closer)! I saw it last night in my room near the ceiling and just let it go, but then it reappeared on the opposite wall on the blinds right next to my bed! It had to be stopped. It could have even been in my bed last night (it's hard to keep track of those things, you know ;-P)! That's the second one in a week, too! I stepped on the last one. Without roommates I have to fend for myself, like a big girl. I should get bug spray, I guess, but then I'll just have bug carcasses lying around for someone else (Joel) to pick up. No way I'm going anywhere near them.
- My Sister's Keeper is coming out this week and it looks good, but I think I'll wait until it comes out on video. I'd prefer to bawl my eyes out in the privacy of my own home.
- I was looking up suggestions on how to ward off jet lag, and I found that hamsters that were given a shot of Viagra recovered more quickly from jet lag. They might start prescribing the active ingredient to shift workers and frequent fliers. Um, awkward. ;)
- Ooh I have a new emoticon: v (^_^) v Get it? It's peace (a person making a peace sign)! Don't try this at home though; it's only for emoticon connoisseurs, like myself.
- Can someone please tell me why there is a single cornstalk growing along the fence in my backyard? I didn't even know what it was at first, but it's over a foot tall at this point. Maybe my neighbors grew some in their garden and it blew over here. That poor thing will have to fend for itself, probably, because I am by no means a farmer.
- I'm going to a funk concert on Friday and I'm kind of excited. My old web design teacher is in the opening band, so that's kind of cool. I forgot all about it until a friend invited me.
- Same-sex behavior has been found in nearly all animal species. I wonder what the homophobes that claim that (human) homosexuals "choose" to be that way have to say about that.
- Just in time for father's day, a new study suggests that fatherhood is part of what makes us human. Whereas 95% of males in the animal kingdom have little to no interaction with their children, humans need their fathers well beyond conception. I'm lucky to have a good relationship with my dad, and we have a decent amount in common, too. Maybe it affected me more than I knew. Read the whole article here.
- My cousin Beth (and aunt) came to my taiko performance last weekend, and I was told we looked like we were somewhat related. Oddly enough, that is my adopted cousin. She looks eerily similar to her adopted mom, though. I realized she also looks more like me than any of my other cousins, too, and we have more in common than anyone else. Ha, I guess that's sort of telling.
- I have never felt like I fit in remarkably well anywhere, especially in group situations. It's relatively rare that I find someone that I can really connect with on a number of levels. I consider myself a decent conversationalist, but it depends on the topic and the company. Many people would rather talk than listen. I like to observe group dynamics, though, and gather "data," I guess you would call it, to apply either at the moment or in the future. I just think partially because of that, I view the world differently than most people. Plus, I have a unusual mix of interests and talents that makes me sort of hard to pigeonhole. I don't want to be like everyone else, anyway, but sometimes it would just be easier. What do people even do if they're not exploring or expanding their many interests or attempting to satisfy their curiousity about random topics and current events, though? I have no idea.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Too young
My old friend's 18-year-old sister is engaged, right out of high school. I assume it's close enough to the actual wedding, too, because the honeymoon is going to be in Greece (did they win the lottery?). At first I thought my friend was the one getting married (my age), since she just bought a house with her boyfriend, but no. Seriously? I think that is a horrible idea at 18. I mean, if I married anyone then I'm pretty sure we would be divorced by now, since I have changed so much. Granted, we all change throughout our lives, but that time between high school and mid-20's is probably the biggest adjustment of all, when we're out experimenting and "finding ourselves."
I mentioned this engagement to my sister, since they used to be in the same class, and she just kind of laughed and told me that she convinced one of her friends not to propose to his girlfriend sometime last school year. Her friend and his girlfriend are just now coming up on their one year anniversary and the past 6 months have been on-again off-again too many times to count. Then she said something like, "Well, I don't know enough about [so-and-so's] relationship. They might really love each other." That's a nice sentiment, yes, and that is probably true, but that does not always equal marriage, especially at that age. I don't think you can really know enough about yourself and who/what you want in your life before you've experienced a multitude of other things and people outside of high school. I thought I was pretty self-aware and mature in high school (and I was, to an extent), but that awareness and maturity has increased exponentially since then.
Actually, it might seem counter-intuitive (or not), but it could be that combination of self-awareness and maturity that kept me from committing to any particular person for so long. I not only know myself well, I tend to know other people pretty well, whether they realize it or not. Mix that with a strong dose of intuition and you get a girl that sees the end before she has given the beginning much of a chance. If I already knew it wouldn't last beyond a few months, I figured I'd save myself the heartbreak and baggage (and time) by not getting too involved. Was that the way to go? I don't know, I am admittedly biased; but, at the same time, I am relatively unharmed and stable because of it. To each his own, I suppose.
I mentioned this engagement to my sister, since they used to be in the same class, and she just kind of laughed and told me that she convinced one of her friends not to propose to his girlfriend sometime last school year. Her friend and his girlfriend are just now coming up on their one year anniversary and the past 6 months have been on-again off-again too many times to count. Then she said something like, "Well, I don't know enough about [so-and-so's] relationship. They might really love each other." That's a nice sentiment, yes, and that is probably true, but that does not always equal marriage, especially at that age. I don't think you can really know enough about yourself and who/what you want in your life before you've experienced a multitude of other things and people outside of high school. I thought I was pretty self-aware and mature in high school (and I was, to an extent), but that awareness and maturity has increased exponentially since then.
Actually, it might seem counter-intuitive (or not), but it could be that combination of self-awareness and maturity that kept me from committing to any particular person for so long. I not only know myself well, I tend to know other people pretty well, whether they realize it or not. Mix that with a strong dose of intuition and you get a girl that sees the end before she has given the beginning much of a chance. If I already knew it wouldn't last beyond a few months, I figured I'd save myself the heartbreak and baggage (and time) by not getting too involved. Was that the way to go? I don't know, I am admittedly biased; but, at the same time, I am relatively unharmed and stable because of it. To each his own, I suppose.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Hunch
There's a website called hunch for people that need help making decisions. You ask it a question and it will narrow you down to some kind of answer. Some of them are just silly, like "Would I win a fight with a bear?" (66% no), but others are surprisingly deep, like "What is the meaning of life?" (1: To Understand Life, 2: Be Nice To People, 3: Joy). Who knew all I had to do was find this website? :P
Actually, I thought this result (1: Deism, 2: Buddhism, 3: Taoism) was especially interesting. The combination of those three would be like my ultimate religion. They don't really contradict each other, either. I already knew that I meshed with Buddhism and Taoism, but I didn't really know much about deism so I looked it up. There a few things I'm not sure about, but it fits pretty well overall. It uses reason to bring people to God instead of mysticism. Oddly enough, I believe in ghosts and things, but I'm not that crazy about including them in religion, for whatever reason. The founding fathers allegedly thought that was the way to go, too. How that got lost in translation I'm not sure, but I'm betting it had something to do with rampant Judeo-Christianity. Oh well, I now can put a name to what I believe: Buddeoism. :)
Actually, I thought this result (1: Deism, 2: Buddhism, 3: Taoism) was especially interesting. The combination of those three would be like my ultimate religion. They don't really contradict each other, either. I already knew that I meshed with Buddhism and Taoism, but I didn't really know much about deism so I looked it up. There a few things I'm not sure about, but it fits pretty well overall. It uses reason to bring people to God instead of mysticism. Oddly enough, I believe in ghosts and things, but I'm not that crazy about including them in religion, for whatever reason. The founding fathers allegedly thought that was the way to go, too. How that got lost in translation I'm not sure, but I'm betting it had something to do with rampant Judeo-Christianity. Oh well, I now can put a name to what I believe: Buddeoism. :)
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
This is what's wrong with America
I despise "The Hills" for the following reasons (and these are just two members of the show):
They took the labels off of "Mother Teresa's" shampoo!? Oh the horror. I tried watching "The Hills" once and couldn't stand it for more than 5 minutes. It's just so ridiculously excessive. Who wants to watch whiny, spoiled rich kids go through mindless, petty drama? Apparently enough people to warrant a spin-off show called "The City!" I'd like to think these are shows about people we love to hate, but sadly, I'm not sure "we" as a country actually hate them at all (my mom always says "hate is a strong word," so "extremely dislike").
I think "I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here!" is onto something, though. Think about it: if they threw all "The City" and "The Hills" people in "The Jungle" and started taping there, it would almost be worth watching. At the very least, there would be some justice in the world.
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They took the labels off of "Mother Teresa's" shampoo!? Oh the horror. I tried watching "The Hills" once and couldn't stand it for more than 5 minutes. It's just so ridiculously excessive. Who wants to watch whiny, spoiled rich kids go through mindless, petty drama? Apparently enough people to warrant a spin-off show called "The City!" I'd like to think these are shows about people we love to hate, but sadly, I'm not sure "we" as a country actually hate them at all (my mom always says "hate is a strong word," so "extremely dislike").
I think "I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here!" is onto something, though. Think about it: if they threw all "The City" and "The Hills" people in "The Jungle" and started taping there, it would almost be worth watching. At the very least, there would be some justice in the world.
Monday, June 15, 2009
All the single ladies
I feel for the single ladies. One girl will say to another, "Oh, you're so [insert compliment], I can't believe you don't have a boyfriend." It's meant as a compliment, but it seems to imply that they are doing something wrong or that they can't get a boyfriend, when it could just mean that they chose to be that way. I have never said that to anyone in my life, because I get it. I hated trying to explain why I was single, like I needed an excuse. You know what I actually needed? A good match, someone to keep me interested--not just an eligible bachelor. I mean, please....it's better to be single than to be with someone just because they are ready and willing. The latter is just a pathetic waste of time. So stay strong, ladies. Single or taken, your life should not be defined by the addition of someone else.
p.s. Of course, this entry is brought to you by Beyonce (and the letter "I"?) :)
p.s. Of course, this entry is brought to you by Beyonce (and the letter "I"?) :)
Recital recap
All in all, the recital went pretty well. It was sort of a variety show, since there were singers, pianists, and even a mime performing during transitions. Most of the kids cooperated, too, despite the fact that we kept them in the basement (green room) through the entire recital. They were adorable and for some reason kept giving me compliments on my dancing, looks, etc. and saying nice things (even a couple "Will you be my mommy?" questions). I've decided that kids basically reflect your attitudes toward them, because I've noticed that they all stay far away from the other teacher. He is an amazing dancer, but he does not like kids and does not have much patience. (I mean, a girl in one of his dances asked me to teach her a part that she hadn't learned yet, even though he was standing across the room.) On the other hand, I always seem to get at least a few enthusiastic "Hi Julie(s)" and random hugs from different kids all the time. I don't even know many of their names.
I was pretty proud of my class, and I know this sounds cheesy, but I've sort of bonded with them in just the two months that I have been there. They asked me to sit up front and subtly mime the motions because they were nervous, but they only looked at me to flash a smile when they correctly did a move that they were struggling with. It was so cute that we had that connection during the dance, and I think that happened at least once with all of them.
Two of the dances I was in went okay, but the teachers' dance was seriously a disaster. I would have been fine with leaving it out completely, since we finished it a few hours before we performed it and we knew we weren't ready. Not to mention, I waited for 3 hours in The Loop (nearby) on Friday for a practice that ended up being canceled! There are two other teachers, and while the guy in the middle could look okay free-styling, the owner and I (standing on the outside of him) were supposed to be in sync. She said we should watch each other. Well, it's pretty hard to watch and follow someone in real time, so when she started doing something different than what we practiced, I tried to keep up. She wasn't following me, so I had to try to follow her. The second half of the dance was a mess, but I think it would have been even worse if the owner and I were doing completely different things. Unbelievable. I am a hypocrite, too, because I kept telling the kids to smile and after a certain point I could not even fake it. I was pretty disgusted, because I was willing to work on it and the other two...weren't as motivated about practicing. That's exactly what happens, kids, let that be a lesson.
I really have a hard time working with people that aren't organized in these situations. The owner has no sense of time. On top of the practices that either ran over, started late, or didn't even end up happening, our 2 hour "dress rehearsal" turned into 3 hours of dancing in what ended up being a random order. We didn't even get to a few of the dances. I was pretty nervous about how that would play out in the recital, so I ended up running up and down the stairs most of the time, making sure the next group of kids were dressed and ready. It was a lot of work, but I guess I would do it again...as long as it's just once a year. Thank God it's over and I have more time...theoretically. In reality? I'd give it at least a couple of weeks. :)
I was pretty proud of my class, and I know this sounds cheesy, but I've sort of bonded with them in just the two months that I have been there. They asked me to sit up front and subtly mime the motions because they were nervous, but they only looked at me to flash a smile when they correctly did a move that they were struggling with. It was so cute that we had that connection during the dance, and I think that happened at least once with all of them.
Two of the dances I was in went okay, but the teachers' dance was seriously a disaster. I would have been fine with leaving it out completely, since we finished it a few hours before we performed it and we knew we weren't ready. Not to mention, I waited for 3 hours in The Loop (nearby) on Friday for a practice that ended up being canceled! There are two other teachers, and while the guy in the middle could look okay free-styling, the owner and I (standing on the outside of him) were supposed to be in sync. She said we should watch each other. Well, it's pretty hard to watch and follow someone in real time, so when she started doing something different than what we practiced, I tried to keep up. She wasn't following me, so I had to try to follow her. The second half of the dance was a mess, but I think it would have been even worse if the owner and I were doing completely different things. Unbelievable. I am a hypocrite, too, because I kept telling the kids to smile and after a certain point I could not even fake it. I was pretty disgusted, because I was willing to work on it and the other two...weren't as motivated about practicing. That's exactly what happens, kids, let that be a lesson.
I really have a hard time working with people that aren't organized in these situations. The owner has no sense of time. On top of the practices that either ran over, started late, or didn't even end up happening, our 2 hour "dress rehearsal" turned into 3 hours of dancing in what ended up being a random order. We didn't even get to a few of the dances. I was pretty nervous about how that would play out in the recital, so I ended up running up and down the stairs most of the time, making sure the next group of kids were dressed and ready. It was a lot of work, but I guess I would do it again...as long as it's just once a year. Thank God it's over and I have more time...theoretically. In reality? I'd give it at least a couple of weeks. :)
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Then and now
One of my old Momentum friends organized a book signing at Borders (for a friend) and I visited her today. (I even picked up a book/cd called Japanese In 30 days and another called Ten Eternal Questions.) She was the second person to interview me for my internship and one of my biggest supporters, and Momentum laid her off in late July. It was great to see that she was also doing well, and we both marveled at how much happier we are now. Oddly enough, a couple things happened today to really drive that point home for me: 1.) Momentum had their sixth round of layoffs. That makes six in a year! 2.) My boss at the insurance company told me everyone will be primarily dealing with me for design requests in the next couple months, instead of going through her first. Plus, I won't need her final approval. That makes me nervous, but I guess that's also pretty cool. Movin' on up.
Last June was an extremely significant month, and I find myself reflecting on that whirlwind time in my life. Try to keep up with my obscure impressions: A trip of a lifetime and my first vacation outside of North America. A conscious decision to open up to new things and go where life takes me. Betrayed by what I once thought was close to my "dream job" upon my return to the states. A startling hault in my life's direction and an unwanted but unstoppable vulnerability--yet, at the same time, relief. A noticeable change in perspective and priorities. A kiss that shifted the dynamics of a friendship, one that I thought would never happen and that I wasn't sure I could handle on top of everything else. A flood of conflicting emotions. Standing on the edge of the rest of my life, contemplating my next move...
I guess you could say that sometimes I just need a little extra push. I carry a keychain from New Zealand with me at all times to remind me of that month and all that happened after that. It is a spiral, and in maori (indigenous NZ tribe) culture, it represents new beginnings. I bought it on the trip, as I was anticipating the inevitability, or possibly contemplating the necessity, of a rebirth. No one said it would be easy, but it was absolutely worth it.
Last June was an extremely significant month, and I find myself reflecting on that whirlwind time in my life. Try to keep up with my obscure impressions: A trip of a lifetime and my first vacation outside of North America. A conscious decision to open up to new things and go where life takes me. Betrayed by what I once thought was close to my "dream job" upon my return to the states. A startling hault in my life's direction and an unwanted but unstoppable vulnerability--yet, at the same time, relief. A noticeable change in perspective and priorities. A kiss that shifted the dynamics of a friendship, one that I thought would never happen and that I wasn't sure I could handle on top of everything else. A flood of conflicting emotions. Standing on the edge of the rest of my life, contemplating my next move...
I guess you could say that sometimes I just need a little extra push. I carry a keychain from New Zealand with me at all times to remind me of that month and all that happened after that. It is a spiral, and in maori (indigenous NZ tribe) culture, it represents new beginnings. I bought it on the trip, as I was anticipating the inevitability, or possibly contemplating the necessity, of a rebirth. No one said it would be easy, but it was absolutely worth it.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Almost showtime
Only three more days until the recital and I can't wait. At this point, I want to get it over with and take a break. We had a pre-rehearsal tonight and I'm actually pretty proud of my class. They have tested my patience, but they're really good kids. (The whole school was there. I got several hugs and kisses from random other kids and even an accidental "mommy" reference.) The dance could still use work, for sure, but it has come a long way. Even the awkward girl can adequately fake it, and believe me, that is a compliment. Dancing just does not come naturally to everyone...and sometimes, it does not come at all. I think they are giving it their best shot and that's all I can ask. Plus, I think they had fun and learned a few things in class, and at this level, that's pretty important. It's their first recital, too. It won't be perfect, but it will be fine.
Well, listen to me. I have stumbled on a breakthrough. Yes, I can say the words "it doesn't have to be perfect" and actually, truly mean them. In fact, I have taken that a step further with this recital, because I am the one convincing the other teachers of this statement and calming them down. Sure, we would all like it to be perfect, but that's not realistic.
I am a recovering perfectionist as well as a recovering workaholic, but I've taken huge strides in the past year. I care about what I do, but I don't overdo it anymore. Okay, I have lost some sleep over it in the past few weeks, but I am mostly at peace with the whole thing. Whatever happens happens, and I have done what I can.
Well, listen to me. I have stumbled on a breakthrough. Yes, I can say the words "it doesn't have to be perfect" and actually, truly mean them. In fact, I have taken that a step further with this recital, because I am the one convincing the other teachers of this statement and calming them down. Sure, we would all like it to be perfect, but that's not realistic.
I am a recovering perfectionist as well as a recovering workaholic, but I've taken huge strides in the past year. I care about what I do, but I don't overdo it anymore. Okay, I have lost some sleep over it in the past few weeks, but I am mostly at peace with the whole thing. Whatever happens happens, and I have done what I can.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Space ice cream
Ice cream's only flaw is its ability to melt rather quickly. Soon that will not be an issue. Instead of melting into mush, the new ice cream from Coldstone and JELL-O turns into pudding! It seems like an odd but also rather amazing concept. I'm willing to give it a shot, for research purposes. Read the article here.
Monday, June 1, 2009
These small hours
How did June get here already? It's only Monday and I'm already exhausted. I went from a full day of work to 3 hours of dance practice, with about an hour break in between. The rest of this week is going to be relentless, too. Tomorrow is work and taiko. Wednesday I'll be gearing up for the recital, hopefully, which means checking out the stage, buying a costume, getting pictures taken, etc....followed by another couple hours of dance practice. Thursday is actually work and a break! Dinner with my dad while my mom and sister are at Disney World (more on that in a minute). Practice for the teachers' dance on Friday and practice for my class again on Saturday.
I have to keep reminding myself that their dance will not be perfect and it is their first recital, but it's especially frustrating when they don't know what they're doing because they've skipped practices. At least I think most of them have started practicing outside of class, and I've already seen an improvement since Saturday. It eases my nerves somewhat, because Saturday's practice made me nervous. One girl is especially uncoordinated, but I think she is trying. That's all I can ask, really, since I am starting to accept that some people just cannot dance. It's quite a challenge, though, to teach someone an entire dance when I have to give that person a detailed description of how to stand with one foot pointed to the side. I would never be able to do it without a huge amount of patience, and luckily, I never seem to run out of it.
Believe it or not, though, I do not have much patience with Disney World. The "happiest place on Earth" seems a little, well, too happy to me? Too fake, perhaps? I'm not sure. Besides, Magic Kindom severely lacks thrill rides and roller coasters, and I think that is the whole point of going to an amusement park! I was not impressed. I went with my family a couple years ago for the second time (in August), and the only way I will suffer through it again is if/when I become a parent. Somehow, my mom and sister love it, though. My sister would try to become a Disney princess if she met the height requirements (3 inches too tall, she checked). I'm so glad they are going without me this time. My sister gets in free on her birthday (June 5, she's 18!), and my mom got another free ticket from someone. Plus, they just found out that this is "Gay Pride Week" at Disney World. My mom's gaydar only goes off when it's completely obvious, too, and I fully expect she'll have a bit of a culture shock. :)
Last year my sister and I spent her birthday in New Zealand and Australia (travel day), so that's kind of hard to beat. Hmm, that means about a year ago today I was bungee jumping in New Zealand. Now that's what I call a thrill ride, and I would do it again in a heartbeat. That experience truly encompasses 2008 for me. Sometimes you just have to let yourself fall with reckless abandon and hope to God that you don't hit the ground.
Once again, I am reminded of this "Little Wonders" song. I love it:
Lyrics | Rob Thomas lyrics - Little Wonders lyrics
I have to keep reminding myself that their dance will not be perfect and it is their first recital, but it's especially frustrating when they don't know what they're doing because they've skipped practices. At least I think most of them have started practicing outside of class, and I've already seen an improvement since Saturday. It eases my nerves somewhat, because Saturday's practice made me nervous. One girl is especially uncoordinated, but I think she is trying. That's all I can ask, really, since I am starting to accept that some people just cannot dance. It's quite a challenge, though, to teach someone an entire dance when I have to give that person a detailed description of how to stand with one foot pointed to the side. I would never be able to do it without a huge amount of patience, and luckily, I never seem to run out of it.
Believe it or not, though, I do not have much patience with Disney World. The "happiest place on Earth" seems a little, well, too happy to me? Too fake, perhaps? I'm not sure. Besides, Magic Kindom severely lacks thrill rides and roller coasters, and I think that is the whole point of going to an amusement park! I was not impressed. I went with my family a couple years ago for the second time (in August), and the only way I will suffer through it again is if/when I become a parent. Somehow, my mom and sister love it, though. My sister would try to become a Disney princess if she met the height requirements (3 inches too tall, she checked). I'm so glad they are going without me this time. My sister gets in free on her birthday (June 5, she's 18!), and my mom got another free ticket from someone. Plus, they just found out that this is "Gay Pride Week" at Disney World. My mom's gaydar only goes off when it's completely obvious, too, and I fully expect she'll have a bit of a culture shock. :)
Last year my sister and I spent her birthday in New Zealand and Australia (travel day), so that's kind of hard to beat. Hmm, that means about a year ago today I was bungee jumping in New Zealand. Now that's what I call a thrill ride, and I would do it again in a heartbeat. That experience truly encompasses 2008 for me. Sometimes you just have to let yourself fall with reckless abandon and hope to God that you don't hit the ground.
Once again, I am reminded of this "Little Wonders" song. I love it:
Lyrics | Rob Thomas lyrics - Little Wonders lyrics
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