Then and now

One of my old Momentum friends organized a book signing at Borders (for a friend) and I visited her today. (I even picked up a book/cd called Japanese In 30 days and another called Ten Eternal Questions.) She was the second person to interview me for my internship and one of my biggest supporters, and Momentum laid her off in late July. It was great to see that she was also doing well, and we both marveled at how much happier we are now. Oddly enough, a couple things happened today to really drive that point home for me: 1.) Momentum had their sixth round of layoffs. That makes six in a year! 2.) My boss at the insurance company told me everyone will be primarily dealing with me for design requests in the next couple months, instead of going through her first. Plus, I won't need her final approval. That makes me nervous, but I guess that's also pretty cool. Movin' on up.

Last June was an extremely significant month, and I find myself reflecting on that whirlwind time in my life. Try to keep up with my obscure impressions: A trip of a lifetime and my first vacation outside of North America. A conscious decision to open up to new things and go where life takes me. Betrayed by what I once thought was close to my "dream job" upon my return to the states. A startling hault in my life's direction and an unwanted but unstoppable vulnerability--yet, at the same time, relief. A noticeable change in perspective and priorities. A kiss that shifted the dynamics of a friendship, one that I thought would never happen and that I wasn't sure I could handle on top of everything else. A flood of conflicting emotions. Standing on the edge of the rest of my life, contemplating my next move...

I guess you could say that sometimes I just need a little extra push. I carry a keychain from New Zealand with me at all times to remind me of that month and all that happened after that. It is a spiral, and in maori (indigenous NZ tribe) culture, it represents new beginnings. I bought it on the trip, as I was anticipating the inevitability, or possibly contemplating the necessity, of a rebirth. No one said it would be easy, but it was absolutely worth it.