Life's better with company

Go see Up In The Air if you haven't already! The movie touched on a lot of different thought-provoking themes, but I can't muster much analysis at this point, honestly. Just watch this:


Up in the Air Co-Pilot Trailer - Watch more Movie Trailers

My favorite quote is probably "Life's better with company." Actually, if you've seen the movie, that whole conversation with the groom-to-be is probably my favorite. Short and sweet, but powerful. At almost the very end of the movie, they interview people that had been fired from their jobs and had figured out how to cope. I could tell by their responses that they were real people that had been through it, or at least whoever wrote it had been through it. I've been there. People that haven't just don't seem to have the same honesty and clarity about what's really important in life. At least, not in the same way. It's like an exclusive club that no one wants to join but everyone should know about, and it puts things in perspective in a way that few things can. I'll let you in on one of our secrets--simply doing something for a living does not mean you have a life. What you do in life will never be as fulfilling and important as the people you choose to share it with.

Christmas...and stuff and things

Christmas was nice. I still have to celebrate with some friends, but otherwise, it's over. It was good to see extended family again because I have been seeing them less and less lately, especially on my dad's side. Christmases over there can be overwhelming sometimes, since we have to fit 35 people into my grandpa's average-sized house. Most of my older cousins are married and have 2 or 3 kids, and when some of those kids (boys) were younger, they just ran wild and wrestled all over the house. Almost all of my cousins (in town) are girls and I just never got used to little boys. They've grown up a little since then, though, so even though it's more crowded now, it's less stressful. This was the first year we didn't exchange gifts over there, too (just white elephant), and it was better that way.

Receiving gifts are not a big deal to me, honestly, and I really do think that it's the thought that counts, in most cases. I should mention that Joel got me an ipod to replace my stolen one, though, because it was an awesome and surprising gift. (I was planning on getting a new one eventually, but I couldn't afford it yet.) He got me the same one that I used to have (ipod classic) because he wasn't sure if I would want something else, but he said I could trade it for the ipod touch. At first I just figured I would stick with what I used to have, but now that I am looking into the options, the ipod touch is pretty fancy. My sister (and cousin) has one and let me try it out, and it not only holds music, it has applications and wi-fi. I think I might trade the classic for the ipod touch (which is actually slightly cheaper), but I feel kind of guilty about it. I mean, it's not like I am in any way ungrateful for the original present and I don't want it to seem that way. Hmm, maybe I'll just tell him that. What do you think?

You know, I think we are in a really good place right now, regardless of the gift. :)

And now for something completely different. The fact that I hate comic sans should be a given, but did you know that I hate papyrus even more?! Yes, it is the bane of my existence as a designer, and now it is the font used in Avatar. Any chance of me going to see that movie has now died, because I must boycott the font on principle. Yes, papyrus is also "earthy" and "archaic," and in this case, might actually relate to Avatar, but too many bad, fake designers before them have made papyrus unacceptable for everyone. It's like the punchline of a designer joke and it is so overused. I have seen it used on so many terrible and thoughtless "designs" in menus, church fliers, mom and pop store ads, etc., that I don't even think it's possible to use it in good design. I think people use it because it looks different than the other standard microsoft fonts, but that doesn't make it okay. Besides, any integrity the original typography may have had is completely lost at anything below headline size. I'm pretty sure it is the mark of the devil and will forever taint anything it touches. That's all I have to say about that. In this blog.

Um, well, I have plenty more to say about everything else, but I am running out of time and space, so good night!

Merry Christmas!

Before Tuesday, I hadn't really been feeling the stress of the holidays. I wouldn't even call it "stress," there has just been a lot going on. Tuesday, right after work, my family and I went to Our Lady of the Snows in Belleville. We ate at the buffet, drove through the lights, and actually stayed in the little hotel. We've been going to the light display forever, but the buffet and hotel only started becoming a tradition maybe 5 years ago. It's nice to get away from everything just for a night, though. We end up playing games at the hotel and don't even turn on the tv.

This year and last year we played a game called "Backseat Drawing." Ever heard of it? The game consists of a Director and an Artist. The Director(s) look at a word on a card and then tell the Artist(s) how to draw it, using only shape and directional terms. My sister and I make a good team because I'm good at describing what to draw and she's good at guessing it as she's drawing (then we switch and it still works pretty well). It's kind of hard, but pretty fun (probably one of my favorite games). I had never seen or heard of it before my mom bought it. She saw it on the shelf and thought it sounded interesting. Well, tonight I went to Joel's parents' house for Christmas Eve dinner, and that game was sitting (open) on the table! How random is that? Sadly, though, I had to leave before they started playing it.

I met (the rest of) his family last spring and have seen them a few times since then, but I was still nervous. Even though his parents invited me and I have a decent amount of things in common with his mom and sister, I felt kind of like I was intruding. The initial awkwardness went away after a while, though, and I was enjoying it. Joel broke out the can of bee larvae for...one of the desserts...and we all tried it--yes, even me! The newest larvae kind of looked and tasted like rice, even, but I definitely stayed away from the ones that were more fully formed (those were black and had wings?!). It was entertaining, anyway. After that, they went to start the game and I had to go home for 10pm mass. I was genuinely sad, and I'm sure they had way more fun than I did.

I had not been to church in a while, and they had all new priests. They sang almost everything they said, which the old priest didn't do. It sounds like they're making the melody up as they go, but everyone knows the same weird tune. It's kind of like watching a tone-deaf musical. Or this scene in Elf (starts around 10 seconds):



Ha, I'm sorry...or, I guess I should be. Anyway, I'm at my parents' house and Santa's coming tonight (SANTA!!!), so I should start thinking about bed. Merry Christmas!

20 Things Every Woman Should Do Before She Gets Married (supposedly)

I recently came across this little countdown, and although I'm not getting married anytime soon, I can confidently cross all but 2 or 3 of these things off of my list:

"With 11 days left until my wedding, the final countdown is in effect. Among the dozens of little things left on my to-do list, I’ve been thinking a lot about the things crossed off my to-do list long before I met my husband to-be — things that have made me a well-rounded, experienced woman ready for a lifetime commitment to another person. After the jump, 20 things every woman should cross off her list before getting married.

1. Live by herself for at least a year.
2. Live with someone else for at least a year.
3. Recover from a broken heart.
4. Have a vacation fling.
5. Take a road-trip with a group of girlfriends.
6. Relish sleeping in a queen-sized bed by herself.
7. Get her finances in order.
8. Learn to love her body.
9. Have sex with at least one person she’d never want to marry (or introduce to mom).
10. Find reliable birth control.
11. Pay off as much credit card debt and student loans as possible.
12. Spend way too much on a something frivolous.
13. Exorcise all past relationship demons.
14. Travel somewhere exotic.
15. Establish a strong circle of friends.
16. Forgive her parents for not being perfect.
17. Have at least one night she can’t quite remember.
18. Experience some really bad first dates.
19. Find hobbies that fulfill her.
20. Celebrate her 25th birthday."

Hooray for life experiences!

Surprise Secret Santa

I found a mystery present on my chair at work this morning, and I still don't know who put it there. It was a Christmas/winter bag with a mistletoe Santa hat (mistletoe hanging off the top) and a pink cashmere scarf. The scarf was wrapped in tissue paper, but the Santa hat was just placed in the bag without it. Interesting choices. My name was written on the bag and that was it. I asked the secretary if it came from the company, since she hands out the presents, and she said no. No one came by to claim it, either, so now I'm playing detective.

At first, I thought it came from a quirky marketing coworker because it seemed to fit her personality. My name was printed on the bag, though, and she always writes in cursive. (I compared samples.) I already received gifts from my boss and another marketing coworker, so that only leaves one other marketing person in the office, my boss' boss. He's a very nice man, but his assistant is on vacation and I know he wouldn't have done that himself. Anyway, if he had, he would have at least taken credit for it.

Aside from exchanging pleasantries with a few other people at work, I pretty much keep to myself. There is only one other person I can think of that might have put it there. He's about my age and swings by my desk every so often to talk about random things. We started talking when he found out I went to New Zealand, because he had been there, too, and then he kept bugging me to show him my Japan pictures. He is incapable of having a conversation with me without saying something awkward, though. Once, when my boss (which is not his boss) told him to stop bothering me, he joked that she was just jealous because I was more interesting than she was. He has a tendency to sneak up on me when I'm at my desk, too, but not intentionally.

Also, after nearly every conversation, he comes back around about 10 minutes later to apologize for something he said and to make sure I didn't "take it the wrong way," which makes it more awkward. For example, there was a special thing going on some Friday when I happened to be working, and I said that I never know about those things. He smiled and said something like, "You would know if you were usually here on Fridays," which is true--and then he came by to apologize for it later...? I honestly don't know what he's talking about when he apologizes for anything.

Oh God, do you think it's him? I have a slight tendency to collect secret admirers, or rather, guys that are just as shy or shyer than I am. It's annoying, because then I'm always playing detective. Maybe I've learned a thing or two, though. Not that it matters much now, anyway. Maybe I don't even want to know who gave it to me. I'm pretty sure the lack of tissue paper means that it came from a man, though, because men seem to have a certain aversion to it. :) Well, I won't be wearing the mistletoe hat to work, just in case. It still made my day. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go test out this hat on a certain non-coworker.

Santa Crawl and Judgement Day

Elf is on again! I am compelled to watch it every time it's on tv, even if it's just background noise. Christmas season=Elf season in my book, hence my facebook picture. I've seen it enough to recite every line, probably (though not in order), which is quite a feat for me. I never remember quotes.

You know Christmas time is in full swing when 80 drunken Santas greet you at the door of a bar, too. That happened on the way into Blueberry Hill last night. They were part of the "St. Louis Santa Crawl," apparently. The concept originated in Baltimore (Melissa, you missed it!), and it intrigues me. According to the website, "Santa Crawl does not purport to provide any service to the community, nor is it particularly wholesome. To most, Santa Crawl is retarded and unnecessary. But that's what they used to say about toothpaste and automatic transmissions, so let's not be too quick to judge." I wonder how much a woman's Santa costume goes for these days. Seriously, I think joining them would be ridiculous fun, and maybe I'll even do it next year. Rule #2 says that if attached ladies participate without at least attempting to rope some single girlfriends into coming along, though, they will be shunned. I don't know how I feel about that. What if I don't want Santa to hit on me?

Today was judgment day for the taiko beginner class. We let 6 in the group! I am still on the fence about one or two of them, personally, but I was impressed with the group, overall. I kind of had to defend one person, though. This person had the best form of anyone trying out and good rhythm, but not a lot of self confidence or energy. Confidence should come in time, though, after experience. Overconfidence is worse, I think. I mean, you can learn to fake confidence or energy, but you can't necessarily learn to fake good form and rhythm. They're beginners in front of five people that are judging their every move, after all, so they shouldn't be that confident. I guess I saw myself in this person, too. Anyway, I stand behind the decision. Judgement day is over, though, so good night!

Oh wait, in the spirit of Christmas, I will leave you with one of my favorite Christmas songs (still). This is the first time I've ever seen the video. Ha, check out those background dancers!:

Cookies and concerts

I went to a cookie party today. I brought 3 dozen cookies, traded a couple with everyone, and came home with a mix of about 3 dozen cookies from everyone else. I'm pretty proud of myself, actually, because we voted on "best cookie" and mine won! Not everyone got to try the cookies before they voted, granted, but if they hadn't tried them, they picked the one they wanted to try first. Mine were "marshmallow clouds," chocolate cookies with marshmallows melted inside, and I have to admit, they were good. Funny, because this party is basically the only time I bake anything all year. I know my desserts, though. I won a "bake sale cookbook" with a bunch of recipes that I might actually attempt, too. The thing is, I can/could cook or bake if I wanted to, but because I'm just not that particular about my own food (if it's something I like to eat, anyway), I am not motivated to spend a lot of time on it. I'd rather get eating out of the way rather quickly so I can spend time on something else (I don't know, seeing Japan, for example). I'm no Julia Child, but maybe this is a start.

I'm going to a concert at Blueberry Hill tonight. There are 10 bands playing, so I hope that doesn't mean the concert lasts forever. It doesn't start until 9. Joel played with his new band last night at a place in Dogtown. He doesn't play lead guitar that often, but he should. Even though he was playing with a bruised fingernail, it was good. They're playing at the same place next month with my old web design teacher's band! I'm pretty excited because I like them, too. The bar drew a smiley face on my hand to indicate that I was there to see the band, and it rubbed off onto my pillow when I was sleeping last night. It's kind of a cute addition, but I don't know if it will ever really come out. I was sleeping hard, one of those nights (days) where you feel like you are having the longest dream ever but can't quite come out of it.

My favorite song is currently "Hey, Soul Sister" by Train. Some of the lyrics don't make much sense, but it just makes me smile. (I apologize in advance for the crappy font, on behalf of whoever chose it.) Enjoy!:

The enneagram

I keep thinking it's Saturday, or Friday, or anything except Wednesday, really. That's actually great news, because it means I'm practically getting a 5-day weekend. Yes, I am going to work on Friday, but I will be spending most of it in a recording studio. It will probably feel like more of a field trip than actual work. Speaking of work, I think that psychological examination went well. It was more of a conversation about my experience, likes, and dislikes than anything else, and I wish that people asked questions like that in preliminary job interviews. I won't found out for sure if I'm in until my company tells me, but I think I'm fine.

And speaking of psychology, I am delving into personality theory once again. I had a gift certificate to Borders, stumbled on a book about the enneagram (any-a-gram), and couldn't help myself. I think my interest in these typology studies is twofold: 1.) It helps me understand the motivations and preferences of other people better and build more harmonius relationships, and 2.) It helps me define myself and feel like my mix of traits is not actually that different from everyone else's. The enneagram is based loosely on Jung (remember that Myers-Briggs stuff?) and breaks personalities into 9 main categories that each express a distinctive and habitual pattern of thinking and emotions:


It's not meant to put people into boxes, but rather to help break them out of them. Once you recognize the patterns in yourself and others, you can work on improving those relationships. You should relate more to one type than to the others once you take the test and get into the descriptions, but most people can relate to a little something in all of them. The descriptions can get rather complicated and involved, too, because the main types can also be broken down into...well, ALL of this. I'm getting there in my research. :) I think it's fascinating.

My test results didn't tell me anything except that I am kind of all over the board, since I never got the same result twice and identified strongly to several of the descriptions. I'm split between 4 (artist/individualist) and 9 (peacemaker), basically, but after some digging, I may lean toward 9 a little more. Apparently, "the Nine is sometimes called the crown of the Enneagram because it is at the top of the symbol and because it seems to include the whole of it. Nines can have the strength of Eights, the sense of fun and adventure of Sevens, the dutifulness of Sixes, the intellectualism of Fives, the creativity of Fours, the attractiveness of Threes, the generosity of Twos, and the idealism of Ones. However, what they generally do not have is a sense of really inhabiting themselves—a strong sense of their own identity. Ironically, therefore, the only type the Nine is not like is the Nine itself." Go figure.

More specifically, I might be a 9 with a 1 wing, which turns out to be the same type as none other than Barack Obama (and Reagan). No wonder he struck such a chord with me and, by the same token, made (makes) so many people skeptical of him. I mean, the following description is not exactly what most people think of when they hear "politician." This is how I see myself at my best, though:

"In the role of perfect mediator, the Nine's idealized self takes pride in taking the complaints of others seriously, in understanding real differences between people, and in understanding why others are upset and concerned. The Nine also takes pride in being able to see areas of common ground and working toward achieving reconciliation, and in believing that reconciliation can only be gained by cooperation.

Nines take pride in their healing touch, their ability to forgive and forget, their good-naturedness, and their likability. They also take pride in the support they give to others so that the others can thrive. They see themselves as bestowers of unstinting love and generosity to those significant to them.

Nines take pride in their candor, their uncommon common sense, their extraordinary simplicity and guilelessness. They see themselves as having no ulterior motives, no pretensions, no large egos to protect or inflate, no concern for status or prestige, no desire to impress or condemn others. Hence, they believe that they speak with the honesty of a child and the wisdom of an adult.

Nines see themselves as easygoing and have taboos against being competitive and calling attention to themselves. They take pride in their ability to bring out the best in others by creating nurturing environments. For them, that is why they are successful. But, as the Nine sees it, though they have contributed so much to everyone's welfare, because they eschew competition and calling attention to themselves, others underestimate their contributions and take them for granted."

Of course, I haven't just been reading about myself, but describing others in this way would be inappropriate for my blog. I don't know about you, but I am pretty enthralled by this stuff. Well, since I am staying in on this freezing cold and windy night, it is time to curl up on the couch with some apple cider and finally watch Once, a movie I've been meaning to get around to forever.

New Moon

I saw New Moon yesterday. I know, I know, but it only cost five canned goods as part of the "Cans Film Festival," and there was nothing else out that I wanted to see (just saw The Blind Side). I thought the movie was overly emotional, but the action scenes were good. Bella spent most of the movie forlorn over Edward's abandonment and playing with another guy's feelings. The whole time I was watching it, I kept thinking, "Edward and Bella have an unhealthy relationship." I mean, he is her whole life, her knight in shining armor...who stands or sits at the end of her bed and watches her sleep (!). She is his one reason for living, too. No wonder they can't function without each other. One of my favorite conversations in the movie goes something like this:
Bella: I told you not to get me anything (for my birthday) because I can't get you anything.
Edward: You already give me everything just by breathing.

*Sigh* Okay, if someone seriously said this to me in real life, my first reaction might involve fake gagging and a response like, "Aww, that's sweet. Now what did you do wrong?" I'm such a romantic. Maybe I just can't relate to that obsessive, life-or-death intensity of a first love like other people can, though. I never saw the merit in letting myself fall head over heels for someone that would realistically not even stick around through college, and I noticed that the friends who did get involved in those kinds of relationships usually ended up being emotionally and/or physically abused. Luckily, they eventually got out of their situations, but I can't figure out how they allowed themselves to get into them in the first place. I have never approached love with reckless abandon, though, which has probably done me both a disservice and a favor at the same time.

In any case, while I kind of understand the appeal of the "perfect" man and their Romeo & Juliet-style romance, I find it to be borderline disturbing. Here, this is exactly what I mean. What can I say? I'm a feminist. Spare me my knight in shining armor, I can "rescue" myself, thank you--but I'm not opposed to a sidekick.

Welcome to the life of a designer

This would be funnier if it wasn't painfully true. Taiko is the worst offender, which is why I don't like to spend time on anything for them. I just can't motivate myself to do thoughtful work for people that (in general) think they know better than I do (uh, sorry). At least the clients at an ad agency have some marketing or branding background.

You know when I do my best work? When the client trusts me to do my job. At my current job (and my past one, minus the jerk in Chicago), I work with people that tell me that they trust me and then actually do. A group of people that I'm working with on a project told me that yesterday, actually. :) I am a one woman design studio--not only a designer, but also an illustrator, editor, project manager, and production artist. I would prefer to work in a creative environment surrounded by creatives, and I probably will again someday, but this has given me a chance to broaden my experience. I'll let you know soon if I pass Monday's crazy test!

Gay Marriage

Awesome. I think it's worth the whole 7 1/2 minutes:

Brain drain

It's time to take a journey into my mind, so let me set the scene. I decorated for Christmas the other day and put garland and lights on the hanging ceiling, stockings on the tv stand, and candles and a pretty pointsettia on the coffee table. I also have a new light-up snowflake plug-in with cinnamon scented oil. It smells like cinnamon in here, but that's actually coming from the chair. I set the snowflake there for a while and it spilled. At least it smells good. I'm listening to the heater and I'm drinking a "yumberry pomegranate" drink. I don't know what a "yumberry" is, but it could use some more yum--probably sugar. Are you with me now? (Wait, come back!) Okay, here we go:

• It seems like there's something that I'm supposed to be doing tomorrow. So far I'm just going to a sneak preview of Everybody's Fine. It doesn't even look that good, I don't think, but it's free and I guess it's something to do. I'm going with Christie, who is having her birthday party at the Jive & Wail this weekend! Besides the fact that piano bars are naturally fun, I am excited for three more reasons:
  
  1. I kind of started the dueling piano bar trend among my friends. I organized a couple events there for no real reason and introduced them to it, and now this is the second person that's having a birthday there.
     
  2. Christie is becoming friends with my friends and has invited 4 of them to the event. I like sharing friends and it's easier to hang out with everyone when they like each other. Of course, it makes sense because we are all fabulous.
     
  3. Christie and Joel will finally meet, which is cool because I think they have a decent amount of things in common. Plus, she is one of two relevant friends that Joel still hasn't met. I have about 15 friends/acquaintances (outside of taiko) that I consider "relevant," since they are people that I hang out with (or talk to if they live far away) at least every couple of months. I never took time to count them until now, but that's pretty awesome! That's one of the main reasons that I am usually so busy. Oh, taiko takes some time, too.
  
  
• Speaking of taiko, a few of us are performing a special show for some Japan donors at The Drunken Fish on Sunday. There are only three other people playing besides me, so we have to rearrange a bunch of things. Plus, the pressure is on because of our small number. I don't really like knowing that I am statistically getting more attention than I do when we play with 10 people, but I should be fine. I'm just more comfortable imagining that everyone is looking at the person next to me. Like, I'm going to dance around on a big, loud drum on stage, but I don't want to make a scene. If you must, you can look, as long as you don't stare.
  

• I think I'm going to judge taiko tryouts for the first time this year. I had to judge every dance on dance team in high school, though, and the few times we cut people were not fun. Plus, I was unfairly judged at tryouts before, so I take it rather seriously. I tried out more than once for something I'm pretty sure I should have made the first time, and after I made it in, they sincerely apologized for the mistake. I just had to show them, as well as myself, that I deserved to be there, and not only did I make it in, I...don't want to brag, so let's just say I went above and beyond the typical member and people noticed. I just don't want to be responsible for a bad decision, because not making the cut for something that you have your heart set on hurts. On the other hand, it builds character. That's not just something people say to make you feel better when things go wrong, it's actually true.

• A (straight) married man in California is starting a petition to ban divorce in California. He reasons that if gay marriage is banned because it "destroys the sanctity of marriage," divorce should be, too. Makes sense to me. (I'm not against either.) Also, if the sanctity of marriage is a concern, America might want to stop making a spectacle of marriage on reality tv shows and drive-thru chapels in Vegas. Nothing says "marriage is sacred" quite like competing against 10 other people to gain publicity and marry a rich stranger at the end of the season, or ordering a wedding with a side of fries, right? Maybe we should worry about that first. I don't think that's in the bible, either.
  
• Tiger Woods! I don't care. Hey "news" anchors, maybe we should focus on Afghanistan or even go back to slamming Obama. (Yes, even Fox could find better things to talk about than Tiger Woods, like whether or not Obama went to church! Okay, different things to talk about.)

• I took a bunch of assessment tests for work (critical thinking, motivations, preferences, likes and dislikes of work) and now a psychologist needs to analyze them, interview me, and recommend me for the job. I was supposed to meet with him or her on Thursday in Clayton, but he rescheduled for Monday. Um, should I be worried? It's like they got my answers and thought, "Oh no, we're going to need more time! Pad the rooms!" I'm still so curious about what they've discovered, though. I think I'll pass, anyway. (It's the background check I'm worried about. I should have stayed away from the hookers and blow.)

On that note, I believe it's time for bed. Good night!

Up In The Air

I ran into someone from Momentum the other day, a writer that I worked with as an intern. He's one of the few remaining people that I know there. Of course, everyone is still overworked. It's funny, though, because they all know it, but they rationalize it to a point where they don't seem to mind, really. I'm not sure I could go back to that kind of schedule on a consistent basis, but it taught me so much. In a weird way, working at Momentum and being laid off from there were among the best things that have ever happened to me.

It takes a few months to get back off the ground, but everyone I know that has been through the same thing would agree that being let go was in many ways a blessing. Take Kevin Renick, for example. He was a proofreader there for a long time. I sat next to him in the old building in The Loop and I remember that he was on the phone with bill collectors fairly often. They laid him off, too, a year ago, and he wrote a song about it called "Up In The Air." That happened to be the name of George Clooney's new movie, and well, that song is now on the soundtrack. "This is a song about uncertainty and indecision and about trying to figure out who the heck you are and where you're going." (I guess a lay-off will do that to you at any age.) Watch, it's a pretty cool story:


Take that, Momentum! Ha. It's funny how things work out, huh?

This story also reminds me of why it's good to be nice to everyone. Kevin was a weird guy, but I was always friendly toward him and never spoke badly about him, even though some other people did. For example, he brought an unusually attractive and charismatic girl to the Christmas party a couple years ago and people joked that he must have hired her. Look who's laughing now. I never knew him well and it's not like I have reaped any tangible benefits from being nice to him, but I also have no regrets. Good for him. I would say it is about time.

p.s. He's performing at Vintage Vinyl Tuesday at 7:30, but of course, I can't go.

Black Friday

I am enjoying the extra-long weekend. Thanksgiving was small (the amount of people, not the food), but it's not actually over until tonight, after we eat with my mom's side of the family.

I went to Target, Kohl's, and Shoe Carnival and got some good deals yesterday without spending much money. Believe it or not, the past three or four years before this I got up before sunrise to participate in Black Friday. As much as I hate getting up early, there's something kind of fun about going shopping during special store hours and sales. Besides, I take a nap afterwards. I have never waited in line outside for more than 10 minutes before a store opened and I have never seen anyone run into or around the store. My experience has been surprisingly mellow, possibly because I avoid the electronics. And Wal-Mart. And the malls. This year I didn't go anywhere until 9:30, but I don't think I missed out on anything. I just bought some small, wearable odds and ends (tights, necklace, etc.). I'm especially excited about my new boots, because I had been restraining myself from buying new ones for maybe three years. I am wearing them today, along with a couple other new purchases! Black mid-calf boots, patterned tights, fitted sweater dress, statement necklace--I feel almost overly stylish, but I actually like these trends. All I need is a hat that I've been eyeing and I will be too cool for school. If you ever catch me in stirrup pants (again), though, it's a sign that I have officially gone too far and I must be stopped. Well, I'm all dressed up with nowhere to go yet, but I should get moving.

Fake Smile

I was stuck in the house waiting for the window repair guy, and I found this "Spot The Fake Smile" test. I got 19 out of 20 right, which is unusual. I read people like some people read books, though. How did you do? This is what it says at the end. Only read the first three paragraphs if you still have to take the test:

"Most people are surprisingly bad at spotting fake smiles. One possible explanation for this is that it may be easier for people to get along if they don't always know what others are really feeling.

Although fake smiles often look very similar to genuine smiles, they are actually slightly different, because they are brought about by different muscles, which are controlled by different parts of the brain.

Fake smiles can be performed at will, because the brain signals that create them come from the conscious part of the brain and prompt the zygomaticus major muscles in the cheeks to contract. These are the muscles that pull the corners of the mouth outwards.

Genuine smiles, on the other hand, are generated by the unconscious brain, so are automatic. When people feel pleasure, signals pass through the part of the brain that processes emotion. As well as making the mouth muscles move, the muscles that raise the cheeks – the orbicularis oculi and the pars orbitalis – also contract, making the eyes crease up, and the eyebrows dip slightly.

Lines around the eyes do sometimes appear in intense fake smiles, and the cheeks may bunch up, making it look as if the eyes are contracting and the smile is genuine. But there are a few key signs that distinguish these smiles from real ones. For example, when a smile is genuine, the eye cover fold - the fleshy part of the eye between the eyebrow and the eyelid - moves downwards and the end of the eyebrows dip slightly."

Happy Thanksgiving?

Someone broke into my car and stole my ipod last night while I was at taiko practice. They did the same thing to another taiko member's car. I almost always put the ipod under my seat when I park, but this time I left it in between the seats. The chargers and auxillary cord (to connect it) would have been visible still, though, and the repair guy said sometimes that's all the incentive they need. They smashed the passenger side window in with a big rock and left the rock on the seat. It even scratched up my steering wheel and the inside of the driver's side door a little. Great, little souvenirs. Rosemary was very nice and stayed to clean up the glass.

My first reaction was something like, "Come on, really?! Unbelievable." I guess after the apartment break-in, this kind of thing doesn't really phase me, though. It's actually the second time I've been a victim of a car break-in, too. The first time was maybe 5 years ago, when someone popped the lock to my friend's car and stole our coats. I hate saying that I'm a "victim," by the way, because it implies that I am helpless and that people should feel sorry for me. In cases like this I am pretty much helpless, but I'll be okay.

I'm getting my window fixed today and they are actually fixing it in my own driveway, which is great. The $350 price tag is not. The police and repair guy suggested that reporting it to insurance would not be worth it, either. It could have been worse. I've already seen it worse. I would have been more upset if they for some reason stole the umbrella that I got in Japan, since it has sentimental value. (It was on the floor of the passenger seat.) I will eventually replace my ipod, and hey, I still have a car!

Of course, I can't help but wonder why I'm the target again. I have never stolen or done property damage to anything and I wouldn't even consider it. I work hard and make an honest living for the things that I own, and someone else comes along and takes them in a matter of seconds. I'm pretty careful, too, and don't get myself involved in or provoke dangerous situations. It's not fair, and no one said it would be, but give me a break!

I used to believe in karma, but I'm pretty sure I've never done anything to deserve all of this shit. Sometimes I wonder if the universe is going out of its way to wear me down and turn me into a bitter person, like I'm too optimistic and nice for my own good. It hasn't worked yet, but if the Universe is listening, that was not an invitation to try harder. I'm still very much aware that I have so much to be thankful for, but this kind of thing cramps my style. Again.

Strongly-worded letter

My uncle never used to be a political person, but since this last election, he has been sending mass political emails. It has died down in recent months, but I received another one recently about a letter that an old veteran wrote, questioning Obama. This was my response to my uncle:

"As I've said before, please stop sending me political emails. This is a very one-sided letter and I could contradict every single opinion, but why? Is this intended to change anyone's views, anyway? I didn't send you slanted emails about how terrible Bush was when he was in office, even though...well, look where he led us. Obama hasn't even been in charge for a year and he inherited too many problems to solve in that amount of time. He's still on damage control.

I'm glad people are deciding to keep tabs on the government now, finally, but they should have done that 6 years ago, before we got into a large part of this mess. It seems people did not start caring or asking hard questions until it personally affected their wallets, and by then it was too late to stop it. I have been cringing at this trainwreck since 2003, and there is no reason (besides neglect) that anyone should be surprised at the state of this country after 8 years of the Bush administration. On top of all the bad decisions, many of them were blatant criminals, and there is numerous evidence (and court cases) to support that. So before anyone criticizes what we have now, they should first take a good, hard look at what we had before him and compare notes as fairly as possible. They obviously weren't paying attention at the time.

Ah, that felt good. :)

Thanks"

Opening the floodgates

I am in a sentimental mood today, prompted by a lullaby that my mom used to sing, my grandma's old coffee mug, a discussion about work (past and present), a drive past some recent breakfast locations. They remind me of the trials and tribulations of childhood and early adulthood and how much they have shaped who I am today. I was on the verge of tears at irregular intervals through most of the day--tears of gratitude and nostalgia, though.

Come to think of it, maybe I know where this is coming from, or at least where it started. A relatively insignificant issue got under my skin, and after some introspection, I realized it was because I was uncomfortable with the principles behind it. In fact, it touched on principles that have been subconsciously haunting me and holding me back for a very long time. It resulted in one of the most candid and significant conversations of my life, probably. Talking about my revelation did not miraculously make it go away, but just verbally acknowledging it made a difference. On top of that, I watched The Notebook last night--the last 20 minutes the first time it was on tv, and then the entire thing the second time it was on. Overall, it's still a little too sappy and dramatic for my taste, but I've seen it maybe three times and the stuff at the end never fails to make me cry! Maybe it's all an invitation to open the floodgates...

Going Rogue

My good friend Sarah Palin's book came out today! Remember, Christmas is just around the corner, which means that...someone might be running out of wood for their fireplace and paper burns well? You know, whenever I hear "going rogue," I think about this SNL skit. Tina Fey starts "going rogue" 1:30 from the end:


Do you think Sarah meant to reference the joke? Me neither, but I'm laughing anyway. She's like a caricature of herself. I can't imagine that people actually take her seriously and that I work with some of those people. I think she is an embarrassment to women in politics. *sigh* Enough already.

What else do I need to rant about? Oh! The new recommendations for breast cancer screenings! Terrible. I'd rather be safe than sorry, thanks. My mom was 45 when she was diagnosed, so if she would have waited until 50 for a mammogram, it probably would have been too late. It seems that money is trumping lives in their analysis. Not a good trend.

...Well, I just spent the rest of my night talking to my sister, since it had been probably a few weeks, and now it's time for bed. Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite! (side note: That was the "good night" exchange with my parents when I was little, but does anyone say that anymore?)

That light was not a train

About this time last year, I was putting my life back together. See Exhibit A. I am rather amused, because that "old friend" turned into a boyfriend and that two month temp job turned into a year long temp job and a soon-to-be permanent one. No "train" in sight!

I count today as a more official one year anniversary, I guess, but we're doing something tomorrow instead (skipping taiko, shhh...). Dinner, maybe? It doesn't really matter. I see it as a nod to how far we have come, as a couple and individually, though I can only speak for myself. I knew it had potential, but it was hard to get it off the ground when I was just losing a job and he was just gaining a business. When we gave it another try this time last year, I was thinking that I didn't have much more to lose and at least it would stop me from wondering "what if?" I finally decided that I needed to take a real risk for a relationship, and here we are 12 months later. I guess it never stops being a risk, does it? It seems to be worth it, anyway, and I would say that it still has potential. (I figure relationships, much like people, don't stop having potential until they have either had a long time to mature or they cease to exist.)

Also, tomorrow is the year anniversary of my interview for my current job. I started there a week later, the week of Thanksgiving. All of this seems like it happened forever ago. Growing pains, I guess, similar to the way that first through eighth grade seemed like it went in slow motion compared to high school and college. Maybe I'm getting ready to graduate! Whatever that means. At least I can finally stop holding my breath and start breathing a little easier.

The Happiness Hypothesis

I am in the middle of reading a social psychology book called The Happiness Hypothesis: Modern Truth In Ancient Wisdom, and it's pretty interesting. The book examines all kinds of research related to the positive psychology movement, which is...well, it's hard to explain right now. The only problem with reading this is that I find myself pausing in the middle of chapters just to think about what I'm reading and expand on it, which means it's taking longer than expected. I wish I could write a dissertation on more topics than I can count, but I don't know where to begin. I guess I will begin by saying that most of the book offers wisdom that I discovered on my own just in the past year or so and conclude that I don't have enough time or words to write it all here. It took the author 250 pages, after all. I'm pretty sure you can find some pieces of it in my previous blog posts, though.

As a bonus, I found out that adversity is usually most beneficial between the ages of 15 and 25. People older than 30 disproportionately recall events in that time as the most important and vivid events of their lives, because that's when life blooms and we make many of the decisions that will define our lives. The book says, "If there is a special period for identity formation, a time when life events are going to have the biggest influence on the rest of the life-story, this is it." It's scary and empowering at the same time, since I am at the tail end of that window. I have overcome that adversity, though, and the difficulties of the past two years have dramatically changed who I am today. Of course, we all change throughout our lives to some degree, but if this has become my foundation, I can live with that.

I swear the last two years feel more like five, at least. On one hand, I wish I would have had the option of pacing myself, but on the other hand, it would not have been as effective. Dealing with practically everything at the same time forced me to see things in a new way. I found an inner strength that I think will stay with me for the rest of my life, and while I will never have all the answers to life's questions, I have deciphered some pretty valuable ones already. Off the top of my head and in no particular order, I would count these as the most important:
1. Balance is key, and you could not truly appreciate the good without the bad, anyway.
2. Nurturing bonds with people will make you happier than money or status ever could.
3. Your life is what your thoughts make it.
4. Life won't follow a script, so don't attempt to make one. Focus on the present, keep one eye on the future, and see where it takes you.
5. Success in life hinges on your ability to cope with change and work with difficult people.
6. Stepping (or jumping) out of your comfort zone is almost always worth it.
7. Know yourself and be true to who you are. You can spend a lifetime figuring it out.

That covers most of what I've learned in recent years, I think. Not too shabby.

Jon Stewart strikes again!

In case you missed it:

Good news and bad news

I am just a bundle of conflicting emotions today, for a number of reasons. For starters, I found out that they are going to hire me full-time at my current job, starting January 1. That's good news, really, because it means I will actually have job security, a salary, and cheap health insurance. Plus, it's a very low stress job, I basically set my own schedule and do my own thing, and I can always count on leaving on time. The work is finally getting more interesting, too, and I am being pulled in on projects in almost all the departments. I am particularly excited about doing illustration and upcoming web design work, since I didn't have that many opportunities for that at my old job. In those respects, it's pretty ideal.

At the same time, I'm kind of sad. It means I will have to go back to working on Wednesdays and Fridays, which I haven't done since...wow, May of 2008, when I worked enough hours for a consistent 6 day work week. (I was laid off in mid-June, but it was the day I got back from two weeks in Australia.) I'm definitely going to miss those days off, but I guess I'm finally to the point where I am missing the extra money a little bit more. The job is still not as challenging as I would like it to be, but in this economy, I'll take what I can get. This means I'm locked in for a little while. I'm not planning on being there forever, though, maybe just another year or so.

I have other things on my mind, too. For example, I had a pretty scary dream last night about a grizzly bear that terrorized a boy scout event at some fancy hotel. No one actually got hurt, but weird things happened and I woke up wondering how that could be interpreted. Here's what I found: "A bear in a dream is a very rich and complicated dream symbol. In order to understand it, objective association need to be made. Bears are solitary animals and the females are solitary mothers. They hibernate in a cave and they are generally not predatory animals. A bear is only aggressive when provoked, and as such times he is dangerous and deadly. Bears in dreams may represent a period of introspection and depression. However, this may be a part of a healing cycle, where the dreamer has retreated into himself in order to regenerate and in order to create something new and valuable in his life. Do you feel that something needs protecting or is there something you are protecting? Do you feel you are in any sort of danger from some powerful force?" Hmm, very interesting. Interpret away.

What else? Oh, I have been taking advantage of this gorgeous weather. On Friday, I went to a bar with bocce ball outside, and it was fun. Saturday I spent all day (1:30pm-2am) traveling to and from Osage Beach (3+ hours) and playing taiko--it was kind of an off day for me all around and it put me in a bad mood, but I guess that's okay sometimes. Sunday I had lunch outside at a packed Fast Eddie's and saw the Michael Jackson movie later--both were pretty entertaining. Right now I'm just hanging out, still feeling a little torn and uneasy about pretty much everything. I know what will help, but I can't do anything about it for at least another day or two. Until then, I'm going to find some more distractions.

Accents

The UK Daily Mail asked 5,000 women to rank the sexiest accents, and the Irish won! I definitely agree, but I didn't know so many other women agreed with me. Here are the top 10, as reported:
1. Irish
2. Italian
3. Scottish
4. French
5. Australian
6. English
7. Swedish
8. Spanish
9. Welsh
10. American

I would put them in this order, though:
1. Irish
2. English
3. Spanish
4. Australian
5. French
6. Italian
(I can't think of 4 more to put on the list.)

The study also found that 60% of women had allowed themselves to be seduced by a man just because of his accent! Interesting. Where are these women meeting these guys with accents, anyway? Actually, come to think of it, I find foreign guys right here at home, or rather, they find me. I seem to appeal to a disproportionate percentage of Central/Eastern European and African guys, but I can't say that they have ever seduced me. I guess their accents aren't sexy enough.

Speaking of accents, I just read that newborn babies cry in their native tongues! Their melodies reflect the patterns in that language, and they think it's because babies are trying to imitate the mother in order to foster bonding. The researchers conjecture that the development of spoken language is rooted in melody, too, and that music and language might have co-evolved and share a primal form of communication system. That's pretty cool. I wonder if that explains the inherent appeal of musicians, too...

Paint A Rainbow In Your Heart

ook at this cool drop cap! Okay, you might not be as impressed as I am, but if you are, go here. Pretty fancy, huh? It's a little wonky in the actual post, though, and I don't know why. (Note to self: Find more reasons to say "wonky"...also, "scandalous.") Well, I guess this means I should fill the rest of this blog with something.

Halloween was nice. I gave out soda at my parents house (70ish kids!) and then went to the Central West End. The CWE was ridiculously crowded, but it was fun to dress up and people-watch. I stood next to the crazy dancing lady during the costume contest AND got a picture with her. She is a local celebrity as far as I'm concerned, but I'm surprised at the amount of people that don't know about her (him?). I see her at festivals and free concerts ALL over St. Louis, and I even saw her at the art fair in Belleville! My friend asked what that said about the places I visit. Ha, good point, but I don't think music and art festivals are that unusual. I just like to go to outdoor events, like a crazy lady in training. Maybe those friends just need to get out more.

My favorite group costume was Rainbow Brite and friends (purple girl, blue guy, Gloomy)! I would be Rainbow Brite if I could figure out the costume. I used to watch the show and I had a book on tape that I read/listened to all the time, especially on road trips (that and Ghostbusters). I was obsessed with the "Paint A Rainbow In Your Heart" song that played at the end. The version I listened to was sung by a woman (not these kids) and it was better than this youtube one--believe it or not--but you get the idea. Try to make it through the whole thing just once, I dare ya...and I'm pretty sure the adult version was longer than this:


They just came out with Rainbow Brite "fashion dolls" and updated her appearance. Why can't they leave her as a cute, slightly chubby little girl, though? It's like kids are encouraged to look like mini adults or at least teenagers these days, and it's kind of sad.

I digress. Where was I? Oh, Halloween. Um...that's about it.

I'm watching the news because they're talking about those pesky asian beetles, and there is one in my house! It's in my room, to be exact, but I only know it's there when it's up by the light. Apparently they bite, but I'm okay so far. :-/ They say you're not supposed to kill them, either, because that attracts another kind of beetle that eats fabric. Their advice? "If they're not in your house, leave them alone." Great, except they never say what to do if they are in your house. At least he's kind of cute, much cuter than spiders....Ooh awesome, now there's a little girl holding a "God Hates Fags" sign. *Click* Ah, The Daily Show.

Is it a full moon? (YES! I just checked.) I ask because I really noticed that most people were driving like total crap today. In one instance, I was driving 50 in the slow lane on the highway behind 5 cars, and there was a guy to my right whose lane was ending. Now, normally I would slow down and let the person in, but I was already going so slow already that I figured that was his move. Aren't the people merging supposed to be the ones adjusting their speed, anyway? Plus, he didn't bother to put on his blinker, which I assume means he didn't want to get over. (Lack of a blinker is my biggest pet peeve when driving, yet I'm the one with the ticket for not using my blinker that ONE TIME! I swear.) Well, I just kept my pace,so he had to slow down and pull in behind me. I looked in my rear view mirror and saw him give me the finger, slowly, like it was rising from the top of the steering wheel. I laughed, but felt more compelled to blow him a kiss than to return the finger as he sped past me. I didn't do either, but I wonder how he would have reacted. Maybe I'll let you know what happens the...uh, next time someone seriously gives me the finger? Scandalous!

p.s. If you live in St. Louis County, don't forget to vote on the smoking ban tomorrow!

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween! I still have to carve a pumpkin, oops! I wanted to carve something cool this year, not just a face, but I don't know if that's going to happen. Tonight I'm going to hand out soda at my parents' house because for some reason, they don't like doing it. I think the little kids in their costumes are so cute, though! Hopefully, there's something good on tv, too. I'll probably also add some more patches to my sash, since my mom just found some of my sister's.

Other than those potential extra patches, my costume is complete! I got a beanie yesterday and Joel's costume, too. He's going as a cub scout leader! Haha, scandalous. We didn't plan it like that originally, but he couldn't think of a costume and he was running out of time. I have had mine planned out for a couple weeks. I was joking that he could be a pedophile without even dressing up because he has a new beard that I think is kind of sleazy, and the idea spread from there. He's still technically a pedophile as a boy scout leader, but it's more subtle. There happened to be a boy scout store just seconds away from the girl scout store. I found a big "Cub Scout Den Leader" patch at the boy scout store, so that sealed the deal. He just needed a tan shirt and a bandana for his neck after that (and a cub scout bandana clasp). Those boy scouts were very helpful--it was like they had never seen a girl before, even though the place was fairly crowded with both men and women. Kind of funny. We're going to the Central West End tonight with a few other people, I think. Hopefully someone will have a camera because mine is broken!

I was hoping to watch a scary movie or do something scary last night, but that didn't work out at all. Maybe there's still time, though!

Time change

I hope you didn't forget to turn back your clock! Don't worry, this guy will remind you:

Scatter-brained

Why am I so tired? Maybe it's just one of those days. I blame it on the rain. Again. Anyway, it's too early for bed and I can't focus on much of anything, so I'm just going to dump some random thoughts here:

• Paranormal Activity was a pretty good movie. I basically gave up on scary movies for years because I was more grossed out than scared by any of them, but this one genuinely creeped me out and even made me jump several times. Maybe my love and knowledge of ghost stories made it more real to me, although of course the movie embellished the reports. (General reports of ghost and demon experiences, I mean.) It's refreshing to see a scary movie that successfully exploits my imagination (with suggestions) and not my gag reflex (with gore), though. I thought the days of Alfred Hitchcock-style horror were gone, but this proves that it can still exist and become popular. That reminds me, I wish there was a Hitchcock marathon on tv this year! Some network used to do that on Halloween, I think.

• I'm not exactly a grammar nazi (although I'm a stickler for spelling), but there is a Harrah's billboard on 2-70 that drives me crazy! I pass it on the way home from work. It says "1 in 5 win!" Win refers to 1, though, which means it should be plural--1 wins, 5 (don't) win. It took me just a couple seconds to notice, yet no one caught that during editing, revisions, or printing? I understand that a fresh pair of eyes on a project can help, but seriously, there are only about 8 words on the whole sign. Sometimes as a designer, "creative license" allows you to give up punctuation and things like that (using numerals instead of spelling a small number), but not that kind of grammar. For the record, though, deleting punctuation at the end of a sentence because it's a headline makes me cringe a little, but even the writer at my old job suggested it sometimes.

• I am spending too much money on health insurance and barely using any of it. I'm thankful that I haven't had to use it, but I'm also frustrated that I've been paying for it, anyway. I can't get it through my work yet, since I'm not full time, so the outside insurance takes a significant chunk of a paycheck once a month. It's starting to show. Hopefully, my company will hire me full time next month and it will take care of itself. They've been telling me October/November should be the hiring time (because of next year's budget) since April.

• I love cake, especially icing, and I have a friend that decorates cakes for fun. She has all the equipment and invited me over to see how it was done last weekend; however, she does not like cake. It's pretty cool, but it could be a potentially dangerous hobby for me. On the one hand, I would probably be forced to eat all of my mistakes so that they wouldn't go to waste. On the other hand, I would be putting so much time into them that I might not want to even eat the finished product...okay, that last part is probably crazy talk. I'm still considering taking a class at Michael's or something.

• No sign of that tiny brown beret at any regular store, which means I'll just get the authentic brownie beanie and "make it work." In my quest, though, I did find When Harry Met Sally for just $5 at Target! It's such a cute movie, one of my favorite chick flicks, and I can't believe I didn't own it before now. Joel will be thrilled, too, I'm sure. ;)
  

• I found this list of things you should do in Japan, and the only things I had no real interest in doing and did not attempt to do were sumo (eh) and the love hotel (obviously). I went into a pachinko place (SO LOUD) but couldn't figure it out, and I was going to climb Mt. Fuji until it was supposed to rain and we decided not to do that much additional walking. I can check everything else off the list, though! Awesome.

Okay, time for bed. Good night!

Real musical torture

I didn't know musical torture was considered an effective tactic, but apparently, it was used at Guantanamo Bay. A suspect would be put in a room and certain songs or songs would be blasted at ear-splitting levels for long periods of time. They just released the list of artists and it's rather amusing. A few hours of a couple of them might not be so bad, but I'm pretty positive I would begin confessing to things I didn't even do after a few hours (or minutes) of, say, The Bee Gees or the meow mix jingle! They left out Lambchop's "Song That Doesn't End" and "Blue (Da Ba Di)" somehow, though. It's still a solid list:
-- AC/DC
-- Aerosmith
-- Barney theme song (By Bob Singleton)
-- The Bee Gees
-- Britney Spears
-- Bruce Springsteen
-- Christina Aguilera
-- David Gray
-- Deicide
-- Don McClean
-- Dope
-- Dr. Dre
-- Drowning Pool
-- Eminem
-- Hed P.E.
-- James Taylor
-- Limp Bizkit
-- Marilyn Manson
-- Matchbox Twenty
-- Meatloaf
-- Meow mix jingle
-- Metallica
-- Neil Diamond
-- Nine Inch Nails
-- Pink
-- Prince
-- Queen
-- Rage against the Machine
-- Red Hot Chili Peppers
-- Redman
-- Saliva
-- Sesame street theme music (By Christopher Cerf)
-- Stanley Brothers
-- The Star Spangled Banner
-- Tupac Shakur

Halloween fun!

I have most of my Halloween decorations up (inside) and as of today, most of my Halloween costume figured out. I'm going to be a girl scout! A brownie, to be exact. I already had a brown skirt and blouse, but I grew out of my old sash. Luckily, I found a girl scout store less than 10 minutes away! I bought an extra long sash and some patches that suit me--composing art/music/writing, dance, smart cookie (cookies alone are great, but smart cookies are even better), "World Thinking Day" (why can't it be all year?!), and "people are talking" (I don't know why that's a patch, but it's amusing). I'm going to add the official "Girl Scouts U.S.A." patch from my old sash, too. I would even consider adding the patch that I designed, if I knew where it was and I got over the idea of displaying my work in public. Now I just need knee highs and some kind of hat. The girl scout store won't get a shipment of large brownie beanies until either Friday or Monday (Monday's too late), and I'm not sure that will fit, anyway. I do want a tiny hat, but I also want it to fit on my head, which is why I might go with a beret instead. Do they sell those for children? That would be an awesome find. Anyway, I'm kind of excited about the whole idea. I'm going to a costume party on Friday and Saturday.

I even remember the Girl Scout Promise, somehow. Hold up three fingers (right next to each other) and recite it with me: "On my honor, I will try to serve God and my country, to help people at all times, and to live by the Girl Scout Law." I don't even know what the Girl Scout Law is, but I'll work on it....yes I'm a dork, but you know you love it. ;)

I consider Halloween a season, kind of like Christmas. This year I was planning on going on a ghost tour of Alton, but they sold out the day before I could make a reservation! I'm disappointed, but maybe I'll go when they start up again in the spring. At some point, I also want to spend a night at a haunted mansion, I think, either Lemp or some place in Alton. In the meantime, a scary movie like Paranormal Activity and maybe a corn maze should suffice. For some reason, I'm afraid of mazes because I have an irrational fear of not being able to find my way out. Maybe I should check out the Central West End again this year, too. Oh, I just had a flashback to last year. Ha.

I think I'll skip the fake haunted houses this year, though...ooh, flashback to a third date that never should have happened last year. On second thought, I might just skip all of Soulard. :) See, this time last year I decided to be open to "other opportunities," ie. dates, and sure enough, they came along. I cringe a little when I think about it, but I don't regret it, either. What a weird time in my life, though. I wonder how I'll remember this moment in time next year. I guess I should work on making memories first, which means I have to get off the computer. Until next time...

The future?

This was a weekend of contrasts. Two of my closest friends are going through completely different things and I was there for both of them. I spent the first couple days in southern Illinois with my roommate from college, trying on Maid of Honor dresses. I got to play dress up on Saturday because the bridesmaid samples were mostly in my size. We all agreed on a beautiful dress that looks good on all of us. The next couple days I drove to and from Kansas City with a friend that I've known forever, who is going through a significant breakup. We went to visit her roommate from college, who happened to be in town from Israel.

I am somewhere in between those situations, I guess. It has sure given me a lot think about, and we all know that I already think too much. Mainly, it reminds me that maybe I should start thinking about the future again. In some ways, since my layoff and everything else last year, I had given up on planning too much of anything. After all, almost nothing in my life right now has turned out as I "planned," and I'm still pretty happy. Maybe I'm afraid to trust those things again, after they fell apart.

I guess I can't expect to float along like this forever, though. I'm just not sure how it's possible to really plan a future--things happen, people change, circumstances change. It's not that I don't have goals, it's just that I don't put too much stock into them. Maybe at some point you decide that not knowing what will happen is worth the risk of planning it anyway? It's just like everything, though, if you wait to do it until you are sure that it's right, you probably won't do much of anything.

So what do I want from life, exactly? Well, it's hard to say. I have to admit, I don't even like guessing where I will be 5 years from now, much less "forever." I should have some guidelines, and I suppose I do, but they're pretty vague. For some reason, I don't think I have ever really imagined myself with the husband, dog, 2.5 kids, and nice house with a white picket fence by the time I'm 30. It seems I have always been more interested in seeing the world, advancing my career, and pursuing my interests than rushing to the altar and starting a family; however, those two lifestyles are not mutually exclusive, necessarily. I'm just saying that while I always assumed that someday I would get married and possibly have a child, if there's time, it has never been the ultimate, final goal of my life. As much as I love (other people's) kids, too, I'm not even completely sure that having one is a requirement. If I decide that I desperately want one and am too old, there's always adoption. I don't know how life will play itself out, but somehow I know I'll be okay--hopefully better than okay.

My life is pretty balanced now, so I have plenty of hobbies and people to fall back on if one area falls apart. I have learned not to pin my hopes and dreams on one particular thing for two main reasons: 1. I miss out on everything else that I should be enjoying, and 2. If that particular thing goes away, it is devastating. I would like to say "all things in moderation" is my motto, but it's probably closer to "go big or go home." Instead of putting all my energy into one area, though, I spread it around to many areas so that I am running on all cylinders. Of course, that can lead to burnout, but I'd rather burn out from living too much than working too much (which used to be the case).

I think it comes down to this: opportunities are rare, good friends are rare, love is rare, so grab them when they come by and don't think about what happens when they end; whenever anything ends, something new begins. Who knows? Whatever comes next might even be better than before.

Super toll!

And I thought japanese TV was weird...

Where The Wild Things Are

I am exhausted and should be sleeping right now, but instead I will give you my impression of Where The Wild Things Are, because I just saw it. Yeah, my mom won tickets to the sneak preview and she's typically the only one in our family that never wins anything. (It's been a year since I've won anything, though!) Anyway, my overall impression of the movie was that...well, it was weird and I am glad I didn't pay to get in. Now, maybe I am a bad judge of these things, because although you might say I am inherently kind of weird, I don't like my movies that way. The Never Ending Story, for example? Don't get it. I only have a vague recollection of that movie, anyway, but my impression is that it lived up to it's title. The book Where The Wild Things Are is also a distant memory, so maybe that adds to my confusion.

It's not even that I didn't understand it, per se, it's more like the movie just never fully came together. It was visually appealing but not dramatically satisfying. I appreciated the aesthetics, the music, and certain themes, but the dialogue seemed overly basic and rather poorly written. It often felt like I was listening to and watching 8-year-olds (monsters) express mature emotions that were beyond their understanding or maturity level. (I just looked it up out of curiosity, and Max is, in fact, 8.) I would say that the monsters and my camp children sometimes spontaneously reacted in similar ways, but the way that the monsters discussed them came across as an adult projecting those ideas onto them and imagining what a child might say. That might be lost on some people, but I handled groups of 8-year-olds at camp for six years, after all. I know it's supposed to be an adventure from the boy's perspective, so maybe I'm also projecting, but I'm pretty sure that kids won't quite get the message, either. The rudimentary adult language and fundamental intellect of the monsters just never quite grasped the principles behind their feelings. It's like a movie about childhood made for adults, only...too emotionally simplistic (?) for my taste. The emotions themselves were deep, sure, but the expressions seemed incomplete and childish. The whole movie was like, "Why are we so sad? Max, you are our king, make us happy." Most of the movie was melancholy with dramatic splashes of emotion, and it made me feel generally uncomfortable. Maybe it did the job, then, because growing up is often relatively uncomfortable. It seems like the critics who are calling it a "masterpiece" are embellishing the narrative, though. (Update: RFT's review said "For me, it seemed like group therapy with the Muppets." Haha, agreed.) In any case, I think it's already way over-hyped, but fantasy movies were never my thing, anyway.

Sarah Silverman solves world hunger

Exactly.

Wedding break

I'm killing time between my cousin's wedding and reception. This is the cousin that I haven't seen in over a year because their family stopped coming to family functions years ago. There was never a major falling out, they just gradually stopped coming. I always suspected it had something to do with one of my outspoken aunts, and I just found out that was/is the case. It's an indirect "fight," anyway, because my aunt took some (valid) complaints to city hall and my in-laws that work there didn't like it. They all live in the same city as my grandpa, so we could see them on a regular basis if they weren't so petty. I don't plan on sticking around the reception for too long, even though I bet it will be one hell of a party. My cousin is basically a 22 year old party girl with a ton of friends and expensive taste.

When did we all get so grown up? I went to a girls' night at a friend's house, and she is married and has a 9 month old daughter. Another girl my age (didn't know her) brought her 8 month old--one of 4?! It's weird hanging out with women my age and their babies, but I only know two so far, thankfully. One of my acquaintances is married and one of my best friends will be married in May, but everyone else is still single and only a few even have a boyfriend/girlfriend. Now that I think of it, that might be a little unusual at this age, but society seems to be trending that way. We're all fabulous and career-minded, of course, but not ready to commit ourselves to long-range domestic duties yet. A house, maybe, just not another person. I think that's perfectly okay. We still get to see each other this way. I've noticed that marriage and babies have a way of isolating people from their friends, or at least the ones without those things. It's like a secret society. Don't get me wrong, though, weddings and babies can be beautiful, but they are definitely too much responsibility and maintenance at this point in my life. I'm glad I have enough friends with similar opinions.

Look! A distraction!

Oh what a day, or rather, couple of days. I'll leave it at that. I did, however, get my hair cut, my car washed, my paycheck, and a much needed happy hour with a good friend today (it still classifies as "happy hour" at 3:45 if you're a rebel), all things that had not happened in entirely too long. It almost seems like I couldn't have time for a bad day with all of that, huh? Dead wrong, which also happens to be a song by The Fray, a band who has been in heavy rotation on my ipod recently. Their newest cd is the soundtrack to my life sometimes (minus one or two songs). How did they know? My favorites are "Say When," "Happiness," and the one below, but they all have something meaningful to say.

Lyrics | The Fray lyrics - Never Say Never lyrics

Eh, I'll add some good parts from the other songs I mentioned, too. Music is my poetry:

Say When
Come across you lost and broken
You're coming to but you're slow in waking
You start to shake
You still haven't spoken, what happened
They're coming back and you just dont know when
You want to cry but there's nothing comin'
They're gonna push until you give in, say when

Maybe god can be on both sides
Of the gun never understood why
Some of us never get it so good, so good
Some of this was here before us
All of this will go after us
Never stops until we give in, give in

Happiness
Happiness damn near destroys you
Breaks your faith to pieces on the floor
So you tell yourself, that’s enough for now
Happiness has a violent roar

Happiness is like the old man told me
Look for it, but you’ll never find it all
Let it go, live your life and leave it
Then one day, wake up and she’ll be home

Look! Another distraction! I can attest to this, because that "I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit" crossed my mind today, followed by "Speeding without the threat of getting a ticket is the biggest perk to being a cop."

Case study

Sometimes I have so much to say that I am rendered speechless. When it comes to talking about my feelings, especially, I wish I could just organize my thoughts in writing and hand it over. I am mostly in touch with my emotions on an abstract and unorganized level, and that does not bode well for verbal expression. I am more comfortable expressing my thoughts than my feelings, too, because thoughts are more easily digestible. I tend to view the world with equal parts logic and emotion, though, and only prefer one over the other when it is absolutely necessary.

My feelings toward people and relationships are often ambivalent, but people themselves are ambivalent, so that seems to be the key element of viewing them objectively. How else would I study them? :) At the same time, I have a driving force to be emotionally connected to them and to take care of their feelings, as well. In a weird way, I am often more comfortable with the feelings of others than I am with my own. I am actually invigorated when I can bring out someone else's most convoluted feelings and offer direction, whereas some people would tense up or would much rather run away from those situations. Many people are so concerned with talking that they forget to listen.

I am very comfortable and careful with the vulnerabilities of other people, but I am not used to sharing my own. I prefer to keep them under wraps, either out of fear that they will fall into the wrong hands and will be used against me, or concern that they could cause (what I deem) an unnecessary burden on someone else. I fall into a counselor role easily and anything else seems unnatural or forced. That would be like if you went to a therapy session and the psychologist started telling you her problems! I think I have a natural tendency to see into someone and bring out whatever needs healing, if that person is open to it. Unfortunately, most people cannot intuit my feelings in the same way, and that can be a point of frustration. The best way I can describe it is that it feels like almost everyone else is an open book and I am hard to read.

I recently found out that my sister is sort of like that, too, which is why she is considering a degree in psychology. As kids, we were always pretty close, I think, but for the past few years, we had not been getting along too well. Something has changed already since she has moved out of the house for college, though, and I would say that we are friends again. We are more alike than we used to admit and I am glad we can relate.

I think acknowledging and defining these things in writing are good starting points for myself. Maybe it offers you some insights, as well. Now I have to figure out where to go from here...

Presidents and pinheads

Obama is on David Letterman. Cool. I mean...help! I'm being "indoctrinated"...or something, just like our kids. My good friend Sarah Palin told me that Obama wants to have "death panels" as part of his new health care system, too! All this talk of health care reminds me of that Michael Moore movie that I should have seen. By the way, can you believe I have never seen a Michael Moore movie?

Bill Clinton was on The Daily Show earlier. Even on tv, he has an almost inescapable charm. It just caught my attention when he said, "We're putting a real emphasis on women and girls." Ha yes, I bet you are. I like this renewed emphasis on women's rights, though, and I was just reading a little bit about Michelle Obama. You know how they say behind every great man is a great woman? I think that's true (mothers count, too). I'm just sayin.'

I watched too much tv tonight, but sometimes that's okay. "How I Met Your Mother" and "The Big Bang Theory" are among my favorite shows and I don't get to watch them that often. One of my favorite exchanges of the night came from Sheldon of "The Big Bang Theory," when he ran away to Texas (home) after his friends embarrassed him. It went something like this:
Sheldon: I guess I'll just hang around Texas and teach evolution to the creationists.
His mom: Hey, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
Sheldon: Evolution isn't an opinion, it's a fact...(to his friends) I forgive you. Let's go back.

I've read a few things about public opinion on evolution lately and the percentage of people that still don't "believe" it is rather shocking. It's not actually a debate, and I'm pretty sure we are the only developed country that still acts like it is. It's like we've been going backwards, but I hope we are starting to reverse that trend. I just started a book called The Age of American Unreason about the dumbing down of America, so it's been on my mind.

Oh! Friday night was kind of exciting. First, I went to the balloon glow, which is not the exciting part. That's only exciting for like 15 minutes. After that, I met up with some friends at a bar in the Central West End. Along the way, there were some street performers doing fire dancing! That was cool, but also not the exciting part. No, the exciting part happened when I pulled into my driveway at 11:45pm. I opened my car door and fiddled with my ipod for a couple minutes. Then, as I got out of the car and locked the door, a (blond, 20 or 30-something) man came running full speed from the opposite side of the house! He ran a semi-circle around me--cut across the yard, ran down the sidewalk behind my car, and disappeared to the backyard (down the driveway) of the neighbors on the other side of me. In the meantime, I got back in my car, because he was running like someone was chasing him. I'm not sure what he was doing there, but my house was dark and empty--only the living room light was on and no cars were in the driveway or parked in front. People sometimes still use my (aunt's) big backyard as a shortcut, but I don't think that's what this guy was doing. I even sort of remember a truck sitting at the stop sign (facing me) a little longer than normal, but I don't know if that was related in any way. Needless to say, it freaked me out and I didn't sleep well that night. My parents have lived here (directly behind me) 24 years of my life and it has always been a safe neighborhood. The only thing a burglar would want is this computer, anyway, and I like to assume that lightning can't strike twice.

Okay happy thoughts...I'm sort of counting on winning tickets from the Riverfront Times to see Mike Birbiglia, one of my favorite comedians, on Thursday. I just wish that RFT would tell me when I'm going to win, so I don't buy tickets before that happens. I think it's been close to a year since I've won anything, which means I am overdue by something like 6 months. Don't you hate when that happens? ;)

The sun and the wind

Oh I'm back! Just for a minute, though, so don't get your hopes up. I just remembered something from yesterday that I wanted to impart to this blog. It's a parable of the sun and the wind, in summary: "The sun and the wind were arguing about who was more powerful. They decided to test their strength on an unsuspecting traveler in a coat, to see which of them could strip him of his coat first. The wind blew furiously in an effort to tear it off of him, but he found that the man only wrapped his coat closer around him. Then the sun beamed down on him gently and the man took off his coat."

I think I've heard that before, but I'm not sure. Someone offered the story after the Theology at the Bottleworks discussion to relate it to a person in the discussion, and I thought it was a nice analogy. There's a regular at the discussions that likes to pontificate on everything, and it was especially bad last night. He talks at everyone without actually listening to them. Last night I agreed with him, mostly, but the fact that he was yelling and forcing his points made me more inclined to shut him out. It was over the top. I might skip next month's discussion on health care simply because of this man.

That man along with two of the other core regulars actually sat down with Joel and I afterward. He's very outspoken and takes some getting used to, but he was nice to us. The other two were cool. They had seen us there before and just wanted to know more about us. One of the guys said Joel and I had "great chemistry." Cute. It turns out that we still aren't sure how to answer the "How long have you been together?" question, though. It's not that important, anyway, but maybe we'll get to the bottom of it this weekend. Oh yeah, back to that whole "being productive" thing.

Playing hooky

So taiko practice is going on, and I am at home writing this instead. Yeah, about that....well, you can't blame me. I decided to go with my original plan and take an actual break. Maybe that means I will actually go to the beginner's class, but no promises. Besides, I forgot that tonight was the season premiere of "The Office" and also a surprise half hour special of SNL's Weekend Update (political and current events jokes!). I'm not sure who actually showed up to practice, but I'm pretty sure most of us needed/need a vacation. Hooray for those that are taking one!

Speaking of surprises, I am having lunch outside in The Loop tomorrow because today I discovered that some studio is putting on a free dance performance! How cool is that? Then I don't have any plans until 6, when I meet people practically next door at Forest Park for the balloon glow. Hmm...Ooh! I know! I'll finally make it over to the History Museum for the Katherine Dunham exhibit. Maybe I'll stop by the art museum, too, since I haven't been there in forever. If there's time, I'll buy myself a trench coat at Target or something. I'm not planning on buying too many fall clothes, but I think a tan trench coat is my must-have item for the fall. Wait, who even needs clothes when you have a trench coat, right? I'm obviously buying it to make flashing more convenient.

When did I start getting into fashion, anyway? I'm not really "into" it as much as I am "aware" of it, I guess. I just like to know what's going on. I'll add flashes of trends here and there if I like them, but I keep it subtle. Rock inspired purse? Check. Tights? Check. Trench Coat? I'm working on it. I'm also starting to wear more dresses and skirts because I realized that I miss them. I used to live in those things when I was little, and then I don't know what happened. On second thought, I wore a (loud, plaid) skirt for school everyday from 5-12th grade (jumper k-4), so I wonder if that is part of it. I stayed away from them for the past few years mostly because of work, too. For one thing, jeans were practically the uniform, and for another, I don't like when a dirty old man--or really, any man that I am not attracted to--checks me out. I'm not bragging, if it could somehow be construed that way. It honestly creeps me out. At my new job, though, skirts are safe and actually encouraged (business casual), so I think that's why I want to bring that outside of work, too.

Wow, three hours is such a long time for a practice. I wasted two hours and I still have time to do something productive. I'm not making any promises, though...