Friday, May 13, 2011
The End.
I have decided to start a new blog. I'll leave this as a time capsule of sorts and I'm so glad I started this writing exercise, but I don't need to stay here. I have made a conscious decision to move on in my everyday life, and that should be reflected in my blog, too. Thanks for coming along for the ride. It's been real.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Motherlover
No Mother's Day is complete without this song:
My mom ran into one of my high school teachers the other day and he told her that she did a good job raising me. That was nice of him to say, and I guess that's the reason why an unusual number of my mentors in recent years (professors, co-workers at Momentum) have requested to meet my parents. I always thought it was strange, like maybe they wanted to see if they were "normal," but now I think maybe they just wanted to...almost thank them, in some way? (They were all parents, too.) It's a tough job. The nature vs. nurture debate is ongoing and I think both play a role, but I also think that nurturing/encouraging good character heavily influences what parts/how much of "nature" takes over, if that makes sense--not to say that negligence (nature over nurture) can't motivate good character, it's just that it doesn't seem as common. Your parents could be saints, but if they don't teach you how they got there, you probably won't become a saint just by association.
Anyway, I guess my parents did do a good job, but I sure didn't make it easy on my mom. We're both stubborn, independent and opinionated, so it was probably some kind of power struggle. Most of it probably centered around the fact that she didn't let me do whatever I wanted all the time (like some other parents did), and "looking out for me" translated to "too controlling." I needed to know her reasons for everything, and deep down I knew she was probably right--just don't tell her I said that. ;) I think I had an appropriate amount of control and guidance, though, and now I thank her for that. I appreciate her much more now that I realize how much she has taught me and done for me.
I think she had a good Mother's Day. I had my mom, dad, and sister over for dinner and I made pasta, garlic bread, and salad. I should do stuff like that more often, but I need people to cook for because cooking for myself is a waste of time. I'll just eat whatever I have time to eat, just so I don't starve. Cooking should be my next hobby, though. It's not that I can't cook, it's that I haven't been motivated to do it. If other people enjoy and appreciate it, that's enough. Cooking has just never been a priority.
After dinner we all played Just Dance 2, the best Wii game ever! My mom was a natural. My dad was hilarious. We caught my neighbor sitting on his porch and watching me from across the street. Eww. My neighbor across the street and the neighbor next door are both watching me a little too closely, I would say. I've been talking about putting in real curtains here for months, but this is another reason to do that now. For some reason, my aunt's house only has sheer curtains, which are pretty pointless. One of the perks of living alone should be walking around at least partially naked, right? Not with transparent curtains and creepy neighbors. They take "looking out for me" to a whole different level. Sometimes, it really is a bad thing.
My mom ran into one of my high school teachers the other day and he told her that she did a good job raising me. That was nice of him to say, and I guess that's the reason why an unusual number of my mentors in recent years (professors, co-workers at Momentum) have requested to meet my parents. I always thought it was strange, like maybe they wanted to see if they were "normal," but now I think maybe they just wanted to...almost thank them, in some way? (They were all parents, too.) It's a tough job. The nature vs. nurture debate is ongoing and I think both play a role, but I also think that nurturing/encouraging good character heavily influences what parts/how much of "nature" takes over, if that makes sense--not to say that negligence (nature over nurture) can't motivate good character, it's just that it doesn't seem as common. Your parents could be saints, but if they don't teach you how they got there, you probably won't become a saint just by association.
Anyway, I guess my parents did do a good job, but I sure didn't make it easy on my mom. We're both stubborn, independent and opinionated, so it was probably some kind of power struggle. Most of it probably centered around the fact that she didn't let me do whatever I wanted all the time (like some other parents did), and "looking out for me" translated to "too controlling." I needed to know her reasons for everything, and deep down I knew she was probably right--just don't tell her I said that. ;) I think I had an appropriate amount of control and guidance, though, and now I thank her for that. I appreciate her much more now that I realize how much she has taught me and done for me.
I think she had a good Mother's Day. I had my mom, dad, and sister over for dinner and I made pasta, garlic bread, and salad. I should do stuff like that more often, but I need people to cook for because cooking for myself is a waste of time. I'll just eat whatever I have time to eat, just so I don't starve. Cooking should be my next hobby, though. It's not that I can't cook, it's that I haven't been motivated to do it. If other people enjoy and appreciate it, that's enough. Cooking has just never been a priority.
After dinner we all played Just Dance 2, the best Wii game ever! My mom was a natural. My dad was hilarious. We caught my neighbor sitting on his porch and watching me from across the street. Eww. My neighbor across the street and the neighbor next door are both watching me a little too closely, I would say. I've been talking about putting in real curtains here for months, but this is another reason to do that now. For some reason, my aunt's house only has sheer curtains, which are pretty pointless. One of the perks of living alone should be walking around at least partially naked, right? Not with transparent curtains and creepy neighbors. They take "looking out for me" to a whole different level. Sometimes, it really is a bad thing.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
One more thing
Okay, I'm almost done with my political rantings (for now...hey, I've been apolitical on here for a while), but someone posted this to Facebook and I totally agree. I left out in the last post that, if this mission had gone wrong, there's no question that Obama would have gotten all the blame. I'm not even expecting him to get all the credit, just a little bit. Bush can't take this one. (I tend to think Bush would have decided to bomb the shit out of the place, for one.) Instead of sharing it on Facebook and assaulting everyone's news feed, I'm posting it here! Lucky you.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Political reflections
It's hard to believe that bin Laden is dead. I feel strange about it. I guess "somber relief," as described in this article, is the best way to describe it. It doesn't bring back the thousands of innocent lives that were lost on his account, but maybe it brings some kind of closure. Maybe it means that the deaths of thousands of soldiers in the resulting war were not in vain. It's hard for me to rejoice at someone's murder, though, even if it's the murder of someone that evil. I keep thinking "an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." I'm nervous about what comes next. We've been chasing this...fear for so long, and taking out the figurehead will not make it go away. Hopefully, it will make it harder for them to organize and gain a following. Maybe it will serve as a lesson to other terrorists that America will prevail. Do I feel patriotic? Eh, once I reflect on how we got here, not particularly. This was supposed to be our goal 9 1/2 years ago, but it seems like we took a few too many detours, lost a few too many additional lives, and spent too much money on military attacks, at our own expense. I hope this is the end of an era, though.
I was patriotic after 9/11. It was great to see Americans pull together and help each other. I even liked George W. Bush and appreciated his resolve, right up until we went to Iraq. For me, it was all downhill from there. Yes, I'm glad Saddam is gone, but in many ways I think our attack on Iraq hurt us more than it helped us. I think it even recruited more people to the terrorists' cause. We got rid of the only "stability" the Iraqis knew and left many of them without jobs and basic necessities, but still expected them to welcome us as liberators. It seemed like we went in without an exit strategy. Remember how Rumsfeld predicted it would take "six days, six weeks, I doubt six months?" How did they get it so terribly wrong? The reasons for going to Iraq still do not sit well with me. I still think we decided to go there because of unfinished business from the previous Bush administration, and I've never heard a strong case against that theory. Our efforts were misguided, to say the least, and our original intention (kill bin Laden, the real person behind the 9/11 attacks) got lost in the shuffle until we gained a fresh perspective from new people. What's done is done, though.
The affect Osama's death will have on terrorist groups and people the world over remains to be seen, but he has definitely been the face of terrorism for the past decade. Removing him is a good start--and hopefully, at least a fatal blow to al Qaeda. I heard on NPR that confirming affiliation with bin Laden had been vital to recruitment. Already, the push for democracy in Egypt and other middle eastern countries is promising, and they're doing it without our direct "help." Some people are always going to hate us, though. I guess this whole thing (starting with Bush) sends the message that we will do what it takes to defeat them.
My greatest short-term hope at the moment, though, is that this will encourage both democrats and republicans to actually work together. Republicans have spent this whole time trying to make Obama out to be un-American (literally) and weak on terrorism, and here his administration is the one executing their original plan. Didn't a democratic administration handle this the same way they hoped a competent republican administration would have? How do they explain this away? Can you imagine how much credit they would give the president if he happened to be republican? (Am I asking too many rhetorical questions, and are they all rhetorical?) Some of them are already attributing it to Bush, anyway. Never mind that he sent us on a wild goose chase first and left before tying up the loose ends--or that bin Laden might have been in that complex in Pakistan for 5 years while we were fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan, or that the tips came from his courier and not tortured prisoners.
Note that when I refer to the presidents themselves, though, I am mostly referring to their administration. I am very aware that it was a team effort and that we had excellent intelligence and troops, but Obama called the final shots and took a HUGE risk, probably in the same way that Bush took a risk with the intelligence and sent us to war. The difference is, this plan was thorough and smart enough to work. We don't blame the military when a bad plan doesn't work (like Iraq), so it's a double standard to give them all the credit when a good plan does work (like Osama). Can't we even give this administration credit for that? I don't understand. If the only thing we had to do was ask Special Forces to take care of bin Laden, Bush should have done it nine years ago, or at least at some point during the seven years he was in charge after 9/11.
All I know is that conservatives will have to come up with a different spin on why Obama is such a terrible President. The whole "weak on terrorists/lacking patriotism" rhetoric won't quite work anymore. Hasn't fear-mongering and attacking Obama been their main platform? I remember right after Obama was elected, my super conservative friend told me that bin Laden came out with a video congratulating Obama (of course, it was hearsay from her dad). I never found that video, and believe me, I looked for it. (That was the first and last time we talked about politics, especially since she said liberals were dumber than conservatives--present company excluded, of course. I actually tend to believe our differences lie in our priorities and motivations.)
I am not as gung ho about Obama as I used to be, but I still believe in many of his ideals. On some level, some of those ideals are alive in all of us. It's hard to break through the....well, politics, and do something about it, especially when half of the group is already determined to reject everything you propose. I think he truly has the country's best interests in mind, though, even though I don't agree with everything that he does. In fact, I would even say W. himself had mostly good intentions, but his cronies were bumbling, self-interested idiots (who were smart marketers, I'll give them that). Maybe all of this will make us pause and remember that we must set aside our differences to achieve a common goal. Pouting when we don't get our way and refusing to work together only keep us in a counter-productive gridlock. Osama is a modern-day Hitler, not Obama--or anyone else in American politics, for that matter. Some of us (Americans) got too caught up in our own imaginary bullshit and fear of the unknown. Now I'm waiting to see what's next and hoping that it ultimately fosters more peace than war across the globe.
I was patriotic after 9/11. It was great to see Americans pull together and help each other. I even liked George W. Bush and appreciated his resolve, right up until we went to Iraq. For me, it was all downhill from there. Yes, I'm glad Saddam is gone, but in many ways I think our attack on Iraq hurt us more than it helped us. I think it even recruited more people to the terrorists' cause. We got rid of the only "stability" the Iraqis knew and left many of them without jobs and basic necessities, but still expected them to welcome us as liberators. It seemed like we went in without an exit strategy. Remember how Rumsfeld predicted it would take "six days, six weeks, I doubt six months?" How did they get it so terribly wrong? The reasons for going to Iraq still do not sit well with me. I still think we decided to go there because of unfinished business from the previous Bush administration, and I've never heard a strong case against that theory. Our efforts were misguided, to say the least, and our original intention (kill bin Laden, the real person behind the 9/11 attacks) got lost in the shuffle until we gained a fresh perspective from new people. What's done is done, though.
The affect Osama's death will have on terrorist groups and people the world over remains to be seen, but he has definitely been the face of terrorism for the past decade. Removing him is a good start--and hopefully, at least a fatal blow to al Qaeda. I heard on NPR that confirming affiliation with bin Laden had been vital to recruitment. Already, the push for democracy in Egypt and other middle eastern countries is promising, and they're doing it without our direct "help." Some people are always going to hate us, though. I guess this whole thing (starting with Bush) sends the message that we will do what it takes to defeat them.
My greatest short-term hope at the moment, though, is that this will encourage both democrats and republicans to actually work together. Republicans have spent this whole time trying to make Obama out to be un-American (literally) and weak on terrorism, and here his administration is the one executing their original plan. Didn't a democratic administration handle this the same way they hoped a competent republican administration would have? How do they explain this away? Can you imagine how much credit they would give the president if he happened to be republican? (Am I asking too many rhetorical questions, and are they all rhetorical?) Some of them are already attributing it to Bush, anyway. Never mind that he sent us on a wild goose chase first and left before tying up the loose ends--or that bin Laden might have been in that complex in Pakistan for 5 years while we were fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan, or that the tips came from his courier and not tortured prisoners.
Note that when I refer to the presidents themselves, though, I am mostly referring to their administration. I am very aware that it was a team effort and that we had excellent intelligence and troops, but Obama called the final shots and took a HUGE risk, probably in the same way that Bush took a risk with the intelligence and sent us to war. The difference is, this plan was thorough and smart enough to work. We don't blame the military when a bad plan doesn't work (like Iraq), so it's a double standard to give them all the credit when a good plan does work (like Osama). Can't we even give this administration credit for that? I don't understand. If the only thing we had to do was ask Special Forces to take care of bin Laden, Bush should have done it nine years ago, or at least at some point during the seven years he was in charge after 9/11.
All I know is that conservatives will have to come up with a different spin on why Obama is such a terrible President. The whole "weak on terrorists/lacking patriotism" rhetoric won't quite work anymore. Hasn't fear-mongering and attacking Obama been their main platform? I remember right after Obama was elected, my super conservative friend told me that bin Laden came out with a video congratulating Obama (of course, it was hearsay from her dad). I never found that video, and believe me, I looked for it. (That was the first and last time we talked about politics, especially since she said liberals were dumber than conservatives--present company excluded, of course. I actually tend to believe our differences lie in our priorities and motivations.)
I am not as gung ho about Obama as I used to be, but I still believe in many of his ideals. On some level, some of those ideals are alive in all of us. It's hard to break through the....well, politics, and do something about it, especially when half of the group is already determined to reject everything you propose. I think he truly has the country's best interests in mind, though, even though I don't agree with everything that he does. In fact, I would even say W. himself had mostly good intentions, but his cronies were bumbling, self-interested idiots (who were smart marketers, I'll give them that). Maybe all of this will make us pause and remember that we must set aside our differences to achieve a common goal. Pouting when we don't get our way and refusing to work together only keep us in a counter-productive gridlock. Osama is a modern-day Hitler, not Obama--or anyone else in American politics, for that matter. Some of us (Americans) got too caught up in our own imaginary bullshit and fear of the unknown. Now I'm waiting to see what's next and hoping that it ultimately fosters more peace than war across the globe.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
My corner of the world
The fact that I'm writing a post almost makes it seem like I have time for this. Well, I'll just shave off some time from sleeping. That's what weekends are for...well, not Sundays because of taiko...okay, that's what Saturdays are for. This Saturday I'm volunteering to help with tornado clean-up, but I don't have to get up early for that.
Anyway, I don't have an overarching theme or idea for this post, so I'm just going back to my trusty bulleted list of things I've been thinking about:
Anyway, I don't have an overarching theme or idea for this post, so I'm just going back to my trusty bulleted list of things I've been thinking about:
- I am almost sure that I'm allergic to mold. This non-stop rain has been killing me.
- The royal wedding is on in the middle of the night, thank God. Then I can stop hearing about it, right? It's everywhere, and I'm not really sure why. I'm curious about what Kate's dress will look like and that's about it. I'm betting that marrying a prince is not all it's cracked up to be. Better her than me.
- We should get back to the important news, like Obama's long-form birth certificate. It turns out he's legitimately American...but probably still a socialist muslim, so does the birth certificate mean anything? (I'm kidding, of course.) It seems like all this fodder has more to do with his race than his agenda, and it makes me sick.
- I just remembered that I used to refer to most "black" people as "brown" when I was a kid, unless their skin was really dark. I would just use it to point out a particular person, in the same way I would call someone "blond." I didn't know that there were categories, and that was nice.
- If I could ask an evangelical republican any question, it would be: "If you take the abortion issue off the table completely, do you think Jesus would be a democrat or republican? Why?" I just wonder what part of The Bible recommends the "trickle down effect" or that "each man for himself" mentality, for example. I honestly can't figure out how they relate, and I don't know if I will ever see it.
- On an unrelated note, plans for Peru are finally nailed down! I can't believe I leave in a month. Macchu Picchu, the Nazca Lines, Lima, Cuzco, some islands...this would not have happened if it was up to me to take the initiative. I did a bit of research and we are going through a travel agent, but I feel like I'm basically tagging along. That's okay, it sounds fun, anyway. We landed on South America because there are more active things to do (hiking, doonbuggies, water-related things) than say, walking around Europe. I'll go back to Europe later.
- I will go back to Europe. I don't say things I don't mean.
- For the record, I do not cuddle with or do anything more than hug my guy friends, and that applies to this trip. Things are going too well with Mick to chance it on something with absolutely no future. I'm not the kind of girl to blame bad decisions on being drunk, either. I tend to think that's just an excuse to do something you didn't want to take responsibility for when you were sober.
- Mick's intuition rivals mine, and he's picked up on more facets of my personality in 3 months than some people have in 3 years. I was going to tell you about something we planned to talk about tomorrow, but you'll probably gag. :-P I will say that "I can take down my walls around you..." (plus reasons why) is one of the most perfect things anyone could say to me, and he had no idea how hard I fought and ultimately lost that battle before. I think transparency--being comfortable with vulnerability, sincere and open--is a large part of the foundation in any solid relationship.
- I think I'm doing a pretty good job of keeping the ghosts of the past away, but some (mean, careless) comments still seep into consciousness. I try to just briefly acknowledge them, let them go, and breathe a sigh of relief. It seems to do a good job of erasing the words, and then I'm just left with a sense of...well, I think it's forgiveness and sympathy, actually. How strange.
- I've been operating on a level that I didn't even know that I could, in terms of almost everything. I feel inspired.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Tornado Awareness
My family went to look at the damage a little yesterday, the parts we were allowed to see up close. The airport (and damage) is actually 1.5 miles from my house, too! Closer than I thought. You can see some of the Bridgeton damage from 70. Before, the houses were mostly hidden by the trees, but now, most of those trees are gone. Huge trees. I used to look at Christmas lights in that neighborhood with my family every year, too. I can't imagine losing everything that quickly. Next time I have to go to the basement for a storm, I am bringing my purse. At least then I will know where to start if something like that happens, God forbid.
I get the sense that even a lot of St. Louisans still don't know what happened. They know there was a tornado somewhere North-ish, sure, but unless they watched the news and saw the leveled houses, I'm not sure they realize this was the worst tornado to hit St. Louis since 1967. It was also the first EF4 in the country so far this year (stay tuned). Tornadoes don't usually hit cities--my cousin with a meteorology degree said that usually the air is too dry, so the worst of the storms go around it. I'm still amazed that no one was really even hurt.
I'm writing about it again because it hits close to home, quite literally. I know more people than I thought in those neighborhoods. There are also some businesses at the Rock Road and 70 that are practically gone. Somehow, an old abandoned house/business is practically untouched, while most of the newer buildings around it are in pieces. The cars in the car dealership were not moved, yet the boats, RVs, airplanes (?) on the storage lot next to it are jumbled together in parts. The digital billboard is down. It's very strange how the tornado seemed to pick and choose what parts to destroy and what parts to leave.
My sister and mom are looking for opportunities to help. As my sister said, she's terrified of tornadoes and she's glad she wasn't in it, so she wants to help those who were. If they go on a weekend, I'll join them, but if it's a weekday I can't. I guess we can help pick up debris, there's so much of it.
I get the sense that even a lot of St. Louisans still don't know what happened. They know there was a tornado somewhere North-ish, sure, but unless they watched the news and saw the leveled houses, I'm not sure they realize this was the worst tornado to hit St. Louis since 1967. It was also the first EF4 in the country so far this year (stay tuned). Tornadoes don't usually hit cities--my cousin with a meteorology degree said that usually the air is too dry, so the worst of the storms go around it. I'm still amazed that no one was really even hurt.
I'm writing about it again because it hits close to home, quite literally. I know more people than I thought in those neighborhoods. There are also some businesses at the Rock Road and 70 that are practically gone. Somehow, an old abandoned house/business is practically untouched, while most of the newer buildings around it are in pieces. The cars in the car dealership were not moved, yet the boats, RVs, airplanes (?) on the storage lot next to it are jumbled together in parts. The digital billboard is down. It's very strange how the tornado seemed to pick and choose what parts to destroy and what parts to leave.
My sister and mom are looking for opportunities to help. As my sister said, she's terrified of tornadoes and she's glad she wasn't in it, so she wants to help those who were. If they go on a weekend, I'll join them, but if it's a weekday I can't. I guess we can help pick up debris, there's so much of it.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Too close for comfort
That crude sketch at the top shows approximately how close my house (B) was to the areas hit the hardest by last night's tornado, Harmann Estates in Bridgeton and the airport. There are about 4 miles between the tornado icons. I was about 2.5 miles from both. Houses were leveled from what I think has been classified as an F4 (when it hit Harmann Estates, above). It's hard to believe.
I was watching the news and I heard them say there was at least a funnel cloud at Page and 94. Then Dorsett and 270. Heading toward St. Ann. Finally, I went to the basement. It veered slightly north, just enough to miss us. I am lucky. My whole family is lucky. The weird part is, that was by no means the worst storm I had ever been through. It didn't even seem like it was raining that hard. We didn't even get hail.
My sister drove from Lindenwood to her job on the Rock Road this morning, and she said it was much worse than she expected. In the light of day, I think it was much worse than most people expected. I haven't driven the Rock Road toward 70 yet, but apparently a few business were leveled there, too. The highway sign is wrapped around a tree. I think I'm going to take a drive in that general vicinity with my family tomorrow, at my sister's request. I'm bracing myself now. You always see that stuff on tv, but I imagine it has more impact when you see it in person just down the street. Those peoples' lives changed in a matter of minutes, even seconds. I know someone whose roof and back wall of the house was torn off.
A couple of my friends called to check on me, which was really nice. Both of them were former roommates, one who lives out of town and one that I hadn't even talked to in a while. I was pleasantly surprised, but to be honest, after I heard from them I kind of wondered why I didn't hear from anyone else. Spoiled, I guess. Maybe no one knew I was that close? Sure, let's go with that. Anyway, I am fine. I don't know why, but I think there are more tornadoes like that in store for us this year. (Well, the end of the world comes any day now, I think, right?) Maybe tornadoes are like lightning in that they don't really strike the same place twice? I mean, I was close enough. It should bother someone else next time. Sure, let's go with that.
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