Maybe my luck is finally changing! I won a gas card at the Maryville alumni thing last weekend (they gave out 4)--a small victory, but every little bit helps. Lately I've been kind of concerned about how I have been entering raffles and they haven't been picking my name, because that is pretty unusual. I mean, I haven't won anything since March! Yes, of this year....I know, some people never win anything, but my family and I just do. We've gotten used to it. (One of my cousins calls us the "Cheatin' Wieses.") My dad and sister each won tickets to the Rams and Cardinals games in the past few weeks, and I figured it was my turn to win something. I don't know how much this gas card is worth, but I know I will definitely use it.
The funny thing is, I had a strong feeling that they were going to pick my name at the next drawing. I left about 15 minutes before it, but I almost stayed just to find out if I was right. Sure enough, that's when they called it. Things like that happen too often to mention without sounding like a crazy person, but trust me, I regularly have premonitions. I attribute it to an unusually strong intuition. Unfortunately, I can't control what it picks up--it might be something as trivial as an email or as important as a death. I just never know if I'm right until it actually happens, and I still don't trust it enough to tell people about it until later, if at all. By now I should definitely stop second guessing my hunches, but it's so much easier to ignore them and let my head take the lead. My intuition often knows what's best before my head figures it out, though.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Adorable
This is naturally my favorite commercial on tv right now. Cute kids dancing? You can't go wrong! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cNDSPutas8
Monday, September 29, 2008
Sleep is for babies
As you may have noticed, I am passionate about a lot of things: dance, music, art, writing, politics, truth...the list goes on. I don't just do things, I live them, and I continue to build on them. I have narrowed in on these interests through a great deal of trial and error, though, and it seems like many people never really allow themselves that opportunity. They are either waiting on a friend to join them, assume they won't like something, or are too afraid of failing to do much of anything, I guess. I would have missed out on quite a bit if I took any of those approaches.
I have always done and continue to do whatever strikes my fancy, and life would be rather boring without that motivation. Here's a list of things that I tried during my school days, to show you what I mean: soccer, softball, volleyball, track, tumbling, girl scouts, student council, speech team, bowling lessons, choir, newspaper, yearbook, musical extra and set painter, campus activities board, and, of course, dance (poms, jazz, tap, ballet, hip hop, baton, dance team). Pretty eclectic, I would say. I stuck with everything but track, musical extra, and bowling for at least 3 years, too (soccer, softball, volleyball, tumbling, girl scouts, dance 6+ years). I also slept and did homework occasionally, I suppose (and had two jobs for part of that). Not all of those activities absolutely thrilled me, but they taught me something valuable and have helped shape who I am today. I think that was an important process in discovering my talents and inclinations, but I guess everyone goes about that in their own way.
I am always looking for ways to expand my experiences and fill my schedule, and it's hard for me to understand how some people don't have the drive to at least explore the possibilities. Life is in a constant state of growth, and I think it's important to nurture that in any way possible. That seems more valuable than ever since I lost my job. I can't currently claim to be a graphic designer; however, I am a flamenco and belly dancing taiko player who volunteers with kids. Not many people can say that. :)
I have always done and continue to do whatever strikes my fancy, and life would be rather boring without that motivation. Here's a list of things that I tried during my school days, to show you what I mean: soccer, softball, volleyball, track, tumbling, girl scouts, student council, speech team, bowling lessons, choir, newspaper, yearbook, musical extra and set painter, campus activities board, and, of course, dance (poms, jazz, tap, ballet, hip hop, baton, dance team). Pretty eclectic, I would say. I stuck with everything but track, musical extra, and bowling for at least 3 years, too (soccer, softball, volleyball, tumbling, girl scouts, dance 6+ years). I also slept and did homework occasionally, I suppose (and had two jobs for part of that). Not all of those activities absolutely thrilled me, but they taught me something valuable and have helped shape who I am today. I think that was an important process in discovering my talents and inclinations, but I guess everyone goes about that in their own way.
I am always looking for ways to expand my experiences and fill my schedule, and it's hard for me to understand how some people don't have the drive to at least explore the possibilities. Life is in a constant state of growth, and I think it's important to nurture that in any way possible. That seems more valuable than ever since I lost my job. I can't currently claim to be a graphic designer; however, I am a flamenco and belly dancing taiko player who volunteers with kids. Not many people can say that. :)
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Rising in the fall
This new season signifies a new start...for real this time. I am going to stop mourning my old job and other losses, pick up the pieces and move on. Already this week, I have started online web design classes and set up an orientation time to volunteer at St. Louis Crisis Nursery (Oct. 9). I'm going to start flamenco and belly dancing classes on Saturday (well, belly dancing will start next Saturday). I will be making sure that I keep in touch with some of my closest friends each week by setting aside a certain day to either talk on the phone (if they don't live here) or meet in person. Also--and this is the kicker--I am going to be open to dating.
Now, I have never really been open to dating in my life. Dating is more like something that has to sneak up on me, and I prefer it that way. A "date" sounds so official and intimidating, almost vaguely committal. (Generally, I avoid commitment like the plague, and dates reek of potential commitment.) I'm not necessarily opposed to commitment, I just think that it should not be forced. I have always rejected being set up with anyone and even avoided just answering phone calls from guys that I met at bars and whatnot. I'm pretty open to anything at this point in my life, though, and I figure I shouldn't turn down too many opportunities anywhere. My tried and true "I'm too busy" excuse doesn't apply anymore, anyway. (Honestly, it didn't really apply when I used it--if I wanted to, I could have found or made the time.) Even though I hate the idea, this could at least be mildly entertaining, even fun. A few prospects have come up recently, and I might as well give them a shot. Maybe it's a sign, you never know. Why fight the tide?
Now, I have never really been open to dating in my life. Dating is more like something that has to sneak up on me, and I prefer it that way. A "date" sounds so official and intimidating, almost vaguely committal. (Generally, I avoid commitment like the plague, and dates reek of potential commitment.) I'm not necessarily opposed to commitment, I just think that it should not be forced. I have always rejected being set up with anyone and even avoided just answering phone calls from guys that I met at bars and whatnot. I'm pretty open to anything at this point in my life, though, and I figure I shouldn't turn down too many opportunities anywhere. My tried and true "I'm too busy" excuse doesn't apply anymore, anyway. (Honestly, it didn't really apply when I used it--if I wanted to, I could have found or made the time.) Even though I hate the idea, this could at least be mildly entertaining, even fun. A few prospects have come up recently, and I might as well give them a shot. Maybe it's a sign, you never know. Why fight the tide?
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
The Awakening
I recently found this again and I thought it was worth another post. It was written by Sonny Carroll:
A time comes in your life when you finally get it ... when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out ENOUGH!!! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening.
You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something, or someone, to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that there aren’t always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you. Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. So you begin making your way through the “reality of today” rather than holding out for the “promise of tomorrow.”
You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with...and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.
And, you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” hungry for your next fix, a new dress, another pair of shoes or looks of approval and admiration from family, friends or even strangers who pass by. Then you discover that it is truly in giving that we receive and that the joy and abundance you seek grows out of the giving. And you recognize the importance of “creating” & “contributing” rather than “obtaining” & “accumulating.
And you give thanks for the simple things you’ve been blessed with; things that millions of people upon the face of the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed and the freedom to pursue your own dreams.
And then you begin to love and to care for yourself. You stop engaging in self-destructive behaviors including participating in dysfunctional relationships. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and exercising. And because you’ve learned that fatigue drains the spirit and creates doubt and fear, you give yourself permission to rest. And just as food is fuel for the body, laughter is fuel for the spirit and so you make it a point to create time for play.
Then you learn about love and relationships, how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. And you allow only the hands of a lover who truly loves and respects you to glorify you with his touch. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say, intentionally or unintentionally, and that not everyone will always come through and interestingly enough, it’s not always about you. So, you stop lashing out and pointing fingers or looking to place blame for the things that were done to you or weren’t done for you. And you learn to keep your Ego in check and to acknowledge and redirect the destructive emotions it spawns; anger, jealousy and resentment.
You learn how to say "I was wrong" and to forgive people for their own human frailties. You learn to build bridges instead of walls and about the healing power of love as it is expressed through a kind word, a warm smile or a friendly gesture. And, at the same time, you eliminate any relationships that are hurtful or fail to uplift and edify you. You stop working so hard at smoothing things over and setting your needs aside. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to want or expect certain things. And you learn the importance of communicating your needs with confidence and grace. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that eventually martyrs are burned at the stake. Then you learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that you don’t know all the answers, it’s not your job to save the world and that sometimes you just need to Let Go.
Moreover, you learn to look at people as they really are and not as you would want them to be, and you are careful not to project your neediness or insecurities onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and relationships and that that not everyone can always love you the way you would want them to. So you stop appraising your worth by the measure of love you are given. And suddenly you realize that it’s wrong to demand that someone live their life or sacrifice their dreams just to serve your needs, ease your insecurities, or meet “your” standards and expectations. You learn that the only love worth giving and receiving is the love that is given freely without conditions or limitations. And you learn what it means to love. So you stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that “alone” does not mean “lonely” and you begin to discover the joy of spending time “with yourself” and “on yourself.” Then you discover the greatest and most fulfilling love you will ever know. Self Love. And so, it comes to pass that through understanding your heart heals; and now all new things are possible.
Moving along, you begin to avoid Toxic people and conversations. And you stop wasting time and energy rehashing your situation with family and friends. You learn that talk doesn’t change things and that unrequited wishes can only serve to keep you trapped in the past. So, you stop lamenting over what could or should have been and you make a decision to leave the past behind. Then you begin to invest your time and energy to affect positive change. You take a personal inventory of all your strengths and weaknesses and the areas you need to improve in order to move ahead. You set your goals and map out a plan of action to see things through.
You learn that life isn’t always fair and you don’t always get what you think you deserve and you stop personalizing every loss or disappointment. You learn to accept that sometimes bad things happen to good people and that these things are not an act of God... but merely a random act of fate.
And you stop looking for guarantees because you’ve learned that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected and that whatever happens, you’ll learn to deal with it. And you learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time, FEAR itself. So you learn to step right into and through your fears because to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. You learn that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophesy and you learn to go after what you want and not to squander your life living under a cloud of indecision or feelings of impending doom.
Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart’s desire. Then a sense of power is born of self-reliance. And you live with honor and integrity because you know that these principles are not the outdated ideals of a by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build your life. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful opportunity and exciting possibility.
Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side, you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.
A time comes in your life when you finally get it ... when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out ENOUGH!!! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening.
You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something, or someone, to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that there aren’t always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you. Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. So you begin making your way through the “reality of today” rather than holding out for the “promise of tomorrow.”
You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with...and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.
And, you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” hungry for your next fix, a new dress, another pair of shoes or looks of approval and admiration from family, friends or even strangers who pass by. Then you discover that it is truly in giving that we receive and that the joy and abundance you seek grows out of the giving. And you recognize the importance of “creating” & “contributing” rather than “obtaining” & “accumulating.
And you give thanks for the simple things you’ve been blessed with; things that millions of people upon the face of the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed and the freedom to pursue your own dreams.
And then you begin to love and to care for yourself. You stop engaging in self-destructive behaviors including participating in dysfunctional relationships. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and exercising. And because you’ve learned that fatigue drains the spirit and creates doubt and fear, you give yourself permission to rest. And just as food is fuel for the body, laughter is fuel for the spirit and so you make it a point to create time for play.
Then you learn about love and relationships, how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. And you allow only the hands of a lover who truly loves and respects you to glorify you with his touch. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say, intentionally or unintentionally, and that not everyone will always come through and interestingly enough, it’s not always about you. So, you stop lashing out and pointing fingers or looking to place blame for the things that were done to you or weren’t done for you. And you learn to keep your Ego in check and to acknowledge and redirect the destructive emotions it spawns; anger, jealousy and resentment.
You learn how to say "I was wrong" and to forgive people for their own human frailties. You learn to build bridges instead of walls and about the healing power of love as it is expressed through a kind word, a warm smile or a friendly gesture. And, at the same time, you eliminate any relationships that are hurtful or fail to uplift and edify you. You stop working so hard at smoothing things over and setting your needs aside. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to want or expect certain things. And you learn the importance of communicating your needs with confidence and grace. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that eventually martyrs are burned at the stake. Then you learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that you don’t know all the answers, it’s not your job to save the world and that sometimes you just need to Let Go.
Moreover, you learn to look at people as they really are and not as you would want them to be, and you are careful not to project your neediness or insecurities onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and relationships and that that not everyone can always love you the way you would want them to. So you stop appraising your worth by the measure of love you are given. And suddenly you realize that it’s wrong to demand that someone live their life or sacrifice their dreams just to serve your needs, ease your insecurities, or meet “your” standards and expectations. You learn that the only love worth giving and receiving is the love that is given freely without conditions or limitations. And you learn what it means to love. So you stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that “alone” does not mean “lonely” and you begin to discover the joy of spending time “with yourself” and “on yourself.” Then you discover the greatest and most fulfilling love you will ever know. Self Love. And so, it comes to pass that through understanding your heart heals; and now all new things are possible.
Moving along, you begin to avoid Toxic people and conversations. And you stop wasting time and energy rehashing your situation with family and friends. You learn that talk doesn’t change things and that unrequited wishes can only serve to keep you trapped in the past. So, you stop lamenting over what could or should have been and you make a decision to leave the past behind. Then you begin to invest your time and energy to affect positive change. You take a personal inventory of all your strengths and weaknesses and the areas you need to improve in order to move ahead. You set your goals and map out a plan of action to see things through.
You learn that life isn’t always fair and you don’t always get what you think you deserve and you stop personalizing every loss or disappointment. You learn to accept that sometimes bad things happen to good people and that these things are not an act of God... but merely a random act of fate.
And you stop looking for guarantees because you’ve learned that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected and that whatever happens, you’ll learn to deal with it. And you learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time, FEAR itself. So you learn to step right into and through your fears because to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. You learn that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophesy and you learn to go after what you want and not to squander your life living under a cloud of indecision or feelings of impending doom.
Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart’s desire. Then a sense of power is born of self-reliance. And you live with honor and integrity because you know that these principles are not the outdated ideals of a by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build your life. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful opportunity and exciting possibility.
Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side, you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Girl power
Let me just say, again, that my friends are awesome. I can't stress that enough these days. I can talk to about 5 girlfriends and a few guys about anything. They all represent different parts of me, it seems, and they each specialize in different areas of life. I would be lost without them. Sometimes just relating to them is enough. It reassures me that rain or shine, we are all in this together.
I look at my other girlfriends that are technically unattached, and I realize that some guys are just idiots. :) Seriously, these girls are amazing--smart, attractive, driven, down-to-earth, talented, kind--and any guy would be lucky to have them. They meet someone practically every time they go out. Of course, these girls won't take just "any guy," but sometimes even the ones they want won't make the effort. They know that those guys should not be worth the trouble, but somehow it does not make things easier. He will either come around or he won't, and she may or may not be available when he makes a decision. Who knows? By the time he realizes how much he cares about her, she could be waking up next to the guy that already knew. Those are my girls, and they shouldn't have it any other way.
The song in my head now is "Irreplaceable" by Beyonce:
You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby)
You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'
You're irreplaceable
I look at my other girlfriends that are technically unattached, and I realize that some guys are just idiots. :) Seriously, these girls are amazing--smart, attractive, driven, down-to-earth, talented, kind--and any guy would be lucky to have them. They meet someone practically every time they go out. Of course, these girls won't take just "any guy," but sometimes even the ones they want won't make the effort. They know that those guys should not be worth the trouble, but somehow it does not make things easier. He will either come around or he won't, and she may or may not be available when he makes a decision. Who knows? By the time he realizes how much he cares about her, she could be waking up next to the guy that already knew. Those are my girls, and they shouldn't have it any other way.
The song in my head now is "Irreplaceable" by Beyonce:
You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby)
You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'
You're irreplaceable
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Keep on keepin' on
I played taiko without my hand brace today, for the first time in over 5 weeks! My hand doesn't feel quite right yet, but it doesn't hurt. I used the lighter bachi (sticks), anyway. Playing taiko again put me in a great mood. On top of that, they played the "Cupid Shuffle" right afterwards. There's a dance that goes with it that is so much fun! (I learned that dance on Beale Street in Memphis.) I didn't even care that I was the only one dancing to it for the first half of the song (behind the stage, but still). I was not drunk, just high on life. Ha, it was magical. :) I've been in a funk lately and I needed that pick-me-up. Hopefully this mood will carry into the week.
My life is in a holding pattern, but I refuse to just sit back and wait for things to get better. I can only do so much to fix my circumstances right now, but I have to make the best of what I have and am looking for tangible ways to improve it. For starters, I am making the room at my aunt's house my own by painting the walls and putting up my decorations. This week, I am starting flamenco lessons and will hopefully set up a schedule to volunteer at the St. Louis Crisis Nursery, since dance and kids are the two things that always cheer me up. That will help me occupy my days, and friends and taiko will continue to keep me busy most nights.
It feels good to reconnect with people that I lost touch with or that I just didn't get to see as much as I wanted to, and opportunities to hang out with them are popping up all over the place. Sarah (college roommate of 3 years) is even visiting this weekend, so I'm looking forward to that! Plus, I have been going out and unintentionally meeting some interesting new prospects; however, I'm not sure what to do about them yet. I mean, I am single...maybe, kind of. Ha! It's complicated, but I'm sure I'm overthinking it. I think the answer will come when I decide to really think less and feel more. We'll see. All things considered, I guess things aren't so bad. They could be worse. I just have to keep on keepin' on.
My life is in a holding pattern, but I refuse to just sit back and wait for things to get better. I can only do so much to fix my circumstances right now, but I have to make the best of what I have and am looking for tangible ways to improve it. For starters, I am making the room at my aunt's house my own by painting the walls and putting up my decorations. This week, I am starting flamenco lessons and will hopefully set up a schedule to volunteer at the St. Louis Crisis Nursery, since dance and kids are the two things that always cheer me up. That will help me occupy my days, and friends and taiko will continue to keep me busy most nights.
It feels good to reconnect with people that I lost touch with or that I just didn't get to see as much as I wanted to, and opportunities to hang out with them are popping up all over the place. Sarah (college roommate of 3 years) is even visiting this weekend, so I'm looking forward to that! Plus, I have been going out and unintentionally meeting some interesting new prospects; however, I'm not sure what to do about them yet. I mean, I am single...maybe, kind of. Ha! It's complicated, but I'm sure I'm overthinking it. I think the answer will come when I decide to really think less and feel more. We'll see. All things considered, I guess things aren't so bad. They could be worse. I just have to keep on keepin' on.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Hear what I am not saying
Do not be deceived by my silence. I want to tell you everything at once, but my thoughts cloud my head and choke my words. Maybe I just don't know where to begin, or where to end. There is no easy answer. I don't expect you to hear what I am not saying, but I think that you already do. We fight many of the same battles, separate but parallel. Drained, distracted, uncertain. Trying to secure our places in the world. Our futures depend on how we handle the present, now more than ever. Where do we go from here?
This new song by Sarah McLaughlin is haunting:
And tell me how do you feel
It’s so confusing
If you let it all go, it’ll fall apart
Do you want me to stay and say I still want you
U want me 2, don’t you?
I hope there’s forgiveness
In the distance between us
Can we make what lies ahead of us a better place to be?
This new song by Sarah McLaughlin is haunting:
And tell me how do you feel
It’s so confusing
If you let it all go, it’ll fall apart
Do you want me to stay and say I still want you
U want me 2, don’t you?
I hope there’s forgiveness
In the distance between us
Can we make what lies ahead of us a better place to be?
White privilege
Freakin' awesome: http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=106899383&blogID=432871257
Race (or gender) should have absolutely no impact on the outcome of this election, but I'm sure many people (consciously or subconsciously) won't be able to get past that. I can't believe racism and sexism still exist on this level in America. If nothing else, this election has become an eye-opening study in sociology for me.
Race (or gender) should have absolutely no impact on the outcome of this election, but I'm sure many people (consciously or subconsciously) won't be able to get past that. I can't believe racism and sexism still exist on this level in America. If nothing else, this election has become an eye-opening study in sociology for me.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Extra! Extra!
I will try to keep this political ranting short, but I will burst if I don't write this down. For starters, I think it's funny that McCain's platform strategy switched from "experience" to "change" once Palin got on board. How do you even claim to run on change when your party is the reason for this mess? Like "Ha, get a load of the last government screw-ups! Sure, I agreed with them more than 90% of the time, but you can trust that I will be different." How does that work? McCain is running a dirty campaign. I even used to like him 4 years ago, before he lost his integrity. Even Karl Rove (of all people) said that McCain's campaign lies and negative attacks have gone "too far." Others have called them "shamelessly misleading," "thoroughly dishonest," and "a toxic mix of lies and double-speak." Sadly, negative campaigns tend to work, but I hope people are smart enough to see through it this time. I know Obama truly has been trying to run a clean campaign, but I think at this point more attack ads against McCain are fair game. It should be so easy, especially with the major hits on Wall Street today.
I did some volunteer work for Obama's campaign last week and I plan to do more. It's exciting to be around other people that are enthusiastic about it, and one of the campaign leaders is even my age. Hopefully, Obama will win and I can spare you from these political blogs. Give me a break, though; I've been desperately waiting for a new President for 5 years! Now we're down to just 7 weeks. Thank God. Um, in reference to Bush, I think I'm also entitled to say "I told you so."
In other news, I'm going to start taking flamenco classes on Saturday. There's a place that offers them for only $10 an hour, any week that I decide to go. Flamenco dancing will definitely be something different. In flamenco, they use their heels much more than their toes; in tap, it's the opposite. Flamenco involves a lot of stomping and twisty hand motions. The hand and arm stuff come naturally, but the rest might be a challenge. That is exactly why I should do it, though. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing, right?
I did some volunteer work for Obama's campaign last week and I plan to do more. It's exciting to be around other people that are enthusiastic about it, and one of the campaign leaders is even my age. Hopefully, Obama will win and I can spare you from these political blogs. Give me a break, though; I've been desperately waiting for a new President for 5 years! Now we're down to just 7 weeks. Thank God. Um, in reference to Bush, I think I'm also entitled to say "I told you so."
In other news, I'm going to start taking flamenco classes on Saturday. There's a place that offers them for only $10 an hour, any week that I decide to go. Flamenco dancing will definitely be something different. In flamenco, they use their heels much more than their toes; in tap, it's the opposite. Flamenco involves a lot of stomping and twisty hand motions. The hand and arm stuff come naturally, but the rest might be a challenge. That is exactly why I should do it, though. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing, right?
Friday, September 12, 2008
Awkward
So...I just got a facebook friend request from the person that interviewed me a few weeks ago! He sent me an email earlier today saying that they've just been really busy and I am definitely still in the running for the job. Uh, I guess I'll just let him see my limited profile because I can't really deny him...
Because of this, I decided to check my privacy settings. It turns out everything was set for "friends of friends" to see my profile (we have 2 friends in common)?! When did that happen? I know I did not set that myself, ever. At the most I would have set it so that "networks and friends" can see my profile. Wow, Facebook, I don't know how you did it (maybe added more options and just defaulted to that?), but that's pretty sneaky. Myspace is already closed off to only my friends, and then my blog is sometimes even more limited (especially this one). I'm not worried about that.
I am worried that he saw that picture of me doing crack with those hookers, though. How embarrassing! Oh wait, there's no evidence of that. Phew. I don't think I have anything incriminating on there, then, but it makes me uncomfortable. What if this guy despises...I don't know, Elf or The Colbert Report? What if he hates dancing, bungee-jumping taiko players even more?! Then I'm screwed. I guess I wouldn't want to work for anyone that hated those things, anyway. I still am very conscious of keeping my work life and my social life separate, though, so I'd rather just "deny" this guy. Any suggestions?
Because of this, I decided to check my privacy settings. It turns out everything was set for "friends of friends" to see my profile (we have 2 friends in common)?! When did that happen? I know I did not set that myself, ever. At the most I would have set it so that "networks and friends" can see my profile. Wow, Facebook, I don't know how you did it (maybe added more options and just defaulted to that?), but that's pretty sneaky. Myspace is already closed off to only my friends, and then my blog is sometimes even more limited (especially this one). I'm not worried about that.
I am worried that he saw that picture of me doing crack with those hookers, though. How embarrassing! Oh wait, there's no evidence of that. Phew. I don't think I have anything incriminating on there, then, but it makes me uncomfortable. What if this guy despises...I don't know, Elf or The Colbert Report? What if he hates dancing, bungee-jumping taiko players even more?! Then I'm screwed. I guess I wouldn't want to work for anyone that hated those things, anyway. I still am very conscious of keeping my work life and my social life separate, though, so I'd rather just "deny" this guy. Any suggestions?
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Lalala
I need a job...
Rose-colored glasses are really not that practical. I actually prefer blue:
You See the World Through Blue Colored Glasses 
You judge all your interactions through the lens of hope. You try to get all the facts before forming your opinion.
You face challenges with wisdom. You know that all bad things pass, and you have the confidence to see problems through.
You see love as the utmost expression of trust. Your relationships tend to be peaceful and stable.
At your worst, you can be cool, melancholy, and detached. You sometimes have to step back from emotionally charged situations.
You are at your happiest when you are able to reflect and relax.
Got a headache that won't seem to go away? The shakes? Obviously, you've been away from me for too long and are experiencing withdrawal:
You Are the Guru 
You are eager to help everyone who crosses your path, even those who don't want to be helped.
You are a natural healer. People feel at peace when they are with you.
You are so good for people, in fact, that they go through withdrawal once you're gone.
You quietly do your own thing, without openly resisting. You secretly try to fix every problem.
Your biggest regret is not being able to help as many people as you'd like.
Rose-colored glasses are really not that practical. I actually prefer blue:
You judge all your interactions through the lens of hope. You try to get all the facts before forming your opinion.
You face challenges with wisdom. You know that all bad things pass, and you have the confidence to see problems through.
You see love as the utmost expression of trust. Your relationships tend to be peaceful and stable.
At your worst, you can be cool, melancholy, and detached. You sometimes have to step back from emotionally charged situations.
You are at your happiest when you are able to reflect and relax.
Got a headache that won't seem to go away? The shakes? Obviously, you've been away from me for too long and are experiencing withdrawal:
You are eager to help everyone who crosses your path, even those who don't want to be helped.
You are a natural healer. People feel at peace when they are with you.
You are so good for people, in fact, that they go through withdrawal once you're gone.
You quietly do your own thing, without openly resisting. You secretly try to fix every problem.
Your biggest regret is not being able to help as many people as you'd like.
Your Independence Level: High |
 You are extremely self reliant and autonomous. You are definitely into doing your own thing. But you also wouldn't turn down help if you needed it. You follow your own path, but you don't do so blindly. |
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Process of paradoxy
Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Right now, my state can only be described as temporary. I am between jobs, between apartments...my hand is between a brace. As it turns out, security is a state of mind, not a state of being. I have never felt so unstable and conflicted before, but I have also never been so acutely aware of my life. I do not have the will or the energy to suppress my feelings anymore, it seems, so I feel everything more intensly and all at once. I now fully acknowledge my feelings, evaluate them, and decide how to deal with them, instead of trying to ignore them or hold them back.
Somehow, I am losing control and gaining it at the same time. I am going with the flow but taking responsibility for what comes next. I am narrowing in on the things that are causing more harm than good and trying to let them go. In the midst of this mess, I am finding clarity. Life hangs in the balance of these contradictions.
Somehow, I am losing control and gaining it at the same time. I am going with the flow but taking responsibility for what comes next. I am narrowing in on the things that are causing more harm than good and trying to let them go. In the midst of this mess, I am finding clarity. Life hangs in the balance of these contradictions.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Take it or leave it
My patience with everything seems to be running thin these days and my usual "wait and see" approach is turning into a "take it or leave it" attitude on several fronts. I'm prepared to tell it like it is, to your face (tactfully, I hope), but I expect you to do the same. I am not in the mood for unnecessary drama or immaturity from anyone.
Case in point: For the first time ever, I defended my mom against my aunt at a family thing last night. Now, I admit that I do not get along with my mom very well, and I usually play devil's advocate; however, my aunt flipped out for no reason. Things have been tense between my parents and this aunt since she secretly blew up at my dad in January (again mostly unfounded), but it had never come out into the open like this before. My parents were trying to stay out of it. I called her out on her b.s. in one simple statement and I have no remorse. Basically, I have no tolerance for petty, manipulative "adults," no matter who they are (that's not what I said).
I am also realizing (again) that I should only be surrounding myself with people that consistently show that they care about me. No use in trying to spend time with someone that can't give me the time of day. That person might not see my value, but there are plenty of other people that already do. I have options and I shouldn't put those on hold so I can "wait and see" about something else (applies to my job search, too). Step up or step aside.
Case in point: For the first time ever, I defended my mom against my aunt at a family thing last night. Now, I admit that I do not get along with my mom very well, and I usually play devil's advocate; however, my aunt flipped out for no reason. Things have been tense between my parents and this aunt since she secretly blew up at my dad in January (again mostly unfounded), but it had never come out into the open like this before. My parents were trying to stay out of it. I called her out on her b.s. in one simple statement and I have no remorse. Basically, I have no tolerance for petty, manipulative "adults," no matter who they are (that's not what I said).
I am also realizing (again) that I should only be surrounding myself with people that consistently show that they care about me. No use in trying to spend time with someone that can't give me the time of day. That person might not see my value, but there are plenty of other people that already do. I have options and I shouldn't put those on hold so I can "wait and see" about something else (applies to my job search, too). Step up or step aside.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
My first love?
Confidence in myself has been fluctuating since the lay-off, but until recently it had been heading consistently downhill. I have a renewed sense of confidence in my abilities, though, and I owe it to a career workshop that I attended last week. I accomplished major things as an intern and junior art director that many senior level people cannot claim, and I should be proud of that. However, just when I was ready to dismiss the company for their bad choice and move on, I received an email from the head of the St. Louis office. His friend at MoBot is looking for a designer and he wanted me to apply; he thought it sounded like a good fit. So...that's nice of him. I'll try that.
Sadly, I'm realizing that I almost treated my job like a romantic relationship, which helps explain why I mostly avoided them in my personal life. I loved my job and it broke up with me, basically. I don't really regret the time that I put into it, though, because it made me a better person. It still wants me to succeed and it's trying to "set me up" with one of its friends, who might be better for me, anyway. I'll be more careful this time around and make sure I don't invest too much of my time into it, though. I guess you could say that I'm on the rebound. Weird. Well, maybe it's for the best.
Sadly, I'm realizing that I almost treated my job like a romantic relationship, which helps explain why I mostly avoided them in my personal life. I loved my job and it broke up with me, basically. I don't really regret the time that I put into it, though, because it made me a better person. It still wants me to succeed and it's trying to "set me up" with one of its friends, who might be better for me, anyway. I'll be more careful this time around and make sure I don't invest too much of my time into it, though. I guess you could say that I'm on the rebound. Weird. Well, maybe it's for the best.
One step at a time
This entire song pretty much sums up my life right now:
Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch
You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting
[Chorus:]
We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's
Supposed to happen that we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time
You believe and you doubt
You're confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew
You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting
[Chorus]
When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
when you need to find the strength
It's the faith that makes you stronger
The only way you get there
Is one step at a time
Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch
You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting
[Chorus:]
We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's
Supposed to happen that we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time
You believe and you doubt
You're confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew
You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting
[Chorus]
When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
when you need to find the strength
It's the faith that makes you stronger
The only way you get there
Is one step at a time
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Thank you, Jon Stewart (and Eddie)
I. LOVE. THIS:
It totally calls republicans out on their double standard! There's even a cameo by the man I love to hate, Karl Rove. These people would be tearing Sarah Palin limb from limb (and parading her head around on a stick) if she were the democratic VP choice, no doubt about it. I completely agree, for example, that Palin's personal matters should not factor into her politics, but I'm also pretty sure that republicans thrive on that when the tables are turned. Plus, they accuse the "liberal media" of using the gender card when, in fact, that is obviously what they are doing?
Don't tell me this woman made the cut based on her qualifications (boobs do not count). I only see Sarah Palin as a front woman/yes-woman, much like Condolleeza Rice; if she truly had independent opinions and power (like Hillary Clinton), these men would not be so supportive. They think they're doing women a favor, but frankly, I am insulted. If they're going to appease women by putting one on the ballot, at least put someone there that is worth our admiration or respect (Elizabeth Dole?). As much as I would love to see a woman VP (or President), I want to see her there only because she is the best person for the job.
p.s. Eddie (from taiko) sent me the Daily Show link. He thought it was pointless for me to then post it because he claims he's the only one that reads my blogs...what nerve! :-P
It totally calls republicans out on their double standard! There's even a cameo by the man I love to hate, Karl Rove. These people would be tearing Sarah Palin limb from limb (and parading her head around on a stick) if she were the democratic VP choice, no doubt about it. I completely agree, for example, that Palin's personal matters should not factor into her politics, but I'm also pretty sure that republicans thrive on that when the tables are turned. Plus, they accuse the "liberal media" of using the gender card when, in fact, that is obviously what they are doing?
Don't tell me this woman made the cut based on her qualifications (boobs do not count). I only see Sarah Palin as a front woman/yes-woman, much like Condolleeza Rice; if she truly had independent opinions and power (like Hillary Clinton), these men would not be so supportive. They think they're doing women a favor, but frankly, I am insulted. If they're going to appease women by putting one on the ballot, at least put someone there that is worth our admiration or respect (Elizabeth Dole?). As much as I would love to see a woman VP (or President), I want to see her there only because she is the best person for the job.
p.s. Eddie (from taiko) sent me the Daily Show link. He thought it was pointless for me to then post it because he claims he's the only one that reads my blogs...what nerve! :-P
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Convention comedy marathon
I didn't see much of the democratic convention at all, but these are some quick impressions:
- Strong, intelligent women kind of stole the show. Go Michelle and Hillary!
- Joe Biden might not have been my pick, but I did catch his entire speech and he's not so bad after all.
- Okay, who invited God? Several politicians ended speeches with "God bless such and such" or "God bless America." Everyone knows that God only attends republican conventions.
Speaking of the republican convention:
- VP nominee Sarah Palin seems to be a cheap marketing ploy. McCain now officially has no right to speak about Obama's "lack of experience." I mean, just last month Palin actually asked, "What exactly does a VP do every day?" Don't worry, though, according to a reporter at Fox News, her proximity to Russia and Canada as Alaskan governor gives her meaningful foreign policy experience.
- Another reporter said 7 in 10 republicans still approve of Bush, which means that McCain's voting record (90% the same as Bush) could work to his advantage . . . I laughed nervously at what I can only assume to be a joke, and then I changed the channel.
Sponsored by Right Guard
I thought this was funny. Here are the ten phrases most likely to make a man break out in a sweat, as reported by Right Guard deodorant (America's most-trusted news source?):
1. We need to talk
2. The boss wants to see you now
3. I've had a bit of an accident
4. Can I borrow your credit card?
5. There's a leak (upstairs/in the bathroom etc)
6. Did you remember my birthday?
7. I've got something to tell you
8. You know that xxx (tenner/car/lawnmower etc) that you lent me?
9. You haven't forgotten we're going out tonight
10. Now I know it looks bad but...
Off the top of my head, mine would go something like this:
1. HR needs to talk to you
2. Can I have your number?
3. I've had a bit of an accident
4. Remember me?
5. Do you have a boyfriend?
6. Who needs designers? I know what I'm talking about. (This makes my blood boil, which then produces sweat)
7. What happened to that xxx (cd/money etc) that I lent you?
8. Don't take this the wrong way but...
9. Did you get that email/message?
10. Let me see it (portfolio, dance move, any number of things...).
1. We need to talk
2. The boss wants to see you now
3. I've had a bit of an accident
4. Can I borrow your credit card?
5. There's a leak (upstairs/in the bathroom etc)
6. Did you remember my birthday?
7. I've got something to tell you
8. You know that xxx (tenner/car/lawnmower etc) that you lent me?
9. You haven't forgotten we're going out tonight
10. Now I know it looks bad but...
Off the top of my head, mine would go something like this:
1. HR needs to talk to you
2. Can I have your number?
3. I've had a bit of an accident
4. Remember me?
5. Do you have a boyfriend?
6. Who needs designers? I know what I'm talking about. (This makes my blood boil, which then produces sweat)
7. What happened to that xxx (cd/money etc) that I lent you?
8. Don't take this the wrong way but...
9. Did you get that email/message?
10. Let me see it (portfolio, dance move, any number of things...).
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