Only everyone else can do it

Okay, so once again I don't technically have time for this, but I'm doing it anyway. I'm giving myself until 11:10. I am bracing myself for ridiculous amounts of taiko through April 15, and then I am taking a break the entire week after that. It's even STL Design Week, which is perfect! (More on that later.)

I'm in the next three Friday performances, but I have personal ties to the next two, so I don't even want to skip them. (Except that Friday has become date night, so I'm trying to rework that.) The one at Webster was requested by the second grade Japanese Language School teacher and the one after that is at Lindenwood, where my sister goes. Oh, and I'm also finishing up the business cards and at least starting the cd booklet design. Next week I'll gather the construction images for the taiko Facebook page...ooh, unless I can pawn it off on someone else.

By the way, I'm kind of tired of not being able to get away with anything. There's someone who leaves practice early every week without any explanation to anyone, and still no one questions him. I wouldn't let myself get away with it, for one, but I doubt that no one would ask me about it. I would feel guilty for expecting them to just notice, accept and work around the pattern all on their own. In fact, when I said that I would be late to practice for a work-sponsored demolition ball event, someone else wrote back to tell me that she noticed this person left early on Tuesdays and that I needed to be there before that! Don't worry, I missed 1 1/2 hours of the work party for 2 1/2 hours of practice so he could practice for 1 hour and ascend into...I mean, leave. Hell, it felt like saying I had to meet at the downtown performance location tomorrow (instead of the studio) was frowned upon more than usual. I'm not saying it was because I was the one doing it, necessarily, but....okay, yeah I am. And this is possibly the first time I've ever done that. I guess when you set high expectations for yourself, other people learn to expect more out of you. That's my only rationale for why the chronically flaky people are allowed to be chronically flaky while the consistently responsible people are chastised for any amount of flakiness or "bad" behavior.

Maybe it's just me, because I never could get away with anything. I think it's genetic. My mom likes to tell the story of how she skipped school along with everyone else on senior skip day, yet she was one of maybe 5 people that got in trouble because the principal decided she was one of the ring leaders! She wasn't, but I think it illustrates my point. I swear, getting away with something because "everyone else is doing it" still doesn't seem to apply to me. I wanna be a cool kid, too!

Well, it's actually midnight. So much for that 11:10 deadline, huh? Once I started talking, I had more to say than I thought.

Onward and upward

Okay, so I know I said I was cleaning--and I was--but it's time for a break. It's like I've been hibernating and it's just time for a spring cleaning of everything. Plus, I'm going to see Dr. Zhivegas at Ameristar tomorrow, and that might include hanging out at my house. I'd rather it didn't, but I do live the closest, so I should be ready. That's my motivation, real or imagined. It just needs to happen. Have you ever seen Dr. Zhivegas? They play cover songs from the 70's to now that are SO much fun to dance to. The guy has a bedazzled microphone and I want to BE that backup singer (the black girl).

Anyway, why am I here? Oh yes, procrastination. So...what's up, guys? Oh, right. *crickets*

Well, life is fabulous here, in case you hadn't heard. This past week at work has been especially uplifting. The project managers invited me to lunch and basically asked me what they could do better or what I would suggest to the people who maybe aren't as good at managing themselves. I think they're doing a great job, anyway, but I didn't know what to tell them about how I came to be apparently so great at time management. Momentum helped, but I've also been practicing this work/life juggling act for almost as long as I can remember. I don't know how to teach it, it's just engrained. Plus, the writer at work told me I'm a really good writer (another work post coming soon), and the team was happy with my concepts for a big long-term project that we presented today.

And that's just work stuff! Outside of work, things are just as good, I think. It feels like I'm firing on all cylinders. A weight has most definitely been lifted, and it was a weight that I either wasn't consciously aware of or that I had become accustomed to--probably some of both. Heh, I even bet that "weight" has a proper name (and some improper ones, lol).

Today I was thinking about how I often don't notice how bad things are when I'm in the thick of them. I know they're wrong or not ideal, but it's not until later--after I've had some separation and have broken the cycle of tolerance that I had built up--that I look back and say "Whoa, that will never happen again" or "I knew I was right about that." And rest assured that if it's something I had control over, it will never happen again. I don't think I make the same mistakes twice, once I've had time to reflect on and evaluate them. I just tend to make the most of what I have at any given time, I guess, and sometimes I don't have as much to work with. Part of me knew that when I was in the middle of it, but part of me also knew that it could be worse. However, I failed to acknowledge that it could also be THIS MUCH BETTER! Why didn't I factor that into the equation earlier? Oh, maybe it's because I was still crawling out of the 2008 pit of "It can't get worse? Well watch this." If that sounds dramatic, it was. I had to crawl before I learned to walk again, though, and now I'm skipping and jumping, too. And dancing, of course (that didn't stop, but pretend it did for the purposes of this metaphor). ;)

I don't know where I'm going from here, and I'm okay with that. All I know for sure is that I've gotten this far and I don't want to go back. I can only compensate for both good and bad parts of the past by creating a better present and future. Leave the past in the past. It's there for a reason. Onward and upward.

Group Hug

I can't wait for the weekend! Tomorrow I'm hanging out/dancing/singing(?) in The Grove area with the boy. Eh, I'll call him "MJ" instead. (A good MJ, like Michael Jackson, as opposed to that insufferable jerk on the Morning Show.) Did I mention how well he treats me without any prodding or direction, and how I'm trying hard to stay grounded? Yes, several times? Well good, it doesn't get old--in fact, it's still quite new! If nothing else, I've already learned that good guys like him are out there and dating doesn't have to be a chore. Gah, I laugh at and simultaneously curse my past self over that on a regular basis, but hey, any future relationship is bound to be better. (Since it's already easy to find better dates, I guess you could say, but I don't think I mean that as harshly as it seems in writing.) I would compare it to my first job at Momentum--I worked so hard, and under such ridiculous circumstances, that it has made everything since then seem pretty easy. At my current job, at least every other week I say or think something like "Pshht, is that all you got? This is nothing compared to the craziness at Momentum."

I digress. Saturday morning is rehearsal for next week's talent show (with the kids), and they're pretty close to ready. That afternoon I'm going to a Dance St. Louis show at The Fox with my dance friend (from work), and I'm so excited! Amy (from taiko) found out they were giving them away at her work and was nice enough to ask if I wanted them. It's so awesome that she even thought to offer them to me in the first place! Speaking of taiko, practices at the new place are going well, and I like that we all seem comfortable contributing. It's a more organic process now, and it reminds me of my favorite quote on leadership, from Lao Tzu: "To lead people, walk beside them ... As for the best leaders, the people do not notice their existence. When the best leader's work is done the people say, 'We did it ourselves!'" That sounds familiar, maybe because I prefer to kind of blend in, anyway. I am simultaneously flattered and slightly annoyed at the concept, though. The one working relatively behind-the-scenes is not as glamorous or well-known as the one stealing the spotlight, but just as important to the success of the show.

Oh well, group hug! I'm feelin' and givin' the love. And well, it doesn't get much better than that, so I'll quit while I'm ahead.

Winning

I think I'm caught up on my sleep, thanks to today. For some reason, I had not gone to bed before 2am in a week, and it was starting to get to me. That's why I skipped taiko. Well that, and I spend an additional hour teaching taiko on Saturdays. We have two more weeks until the talent show, and they're pretty close to ready. I'm proud of them. One girl just isn't catching on, but she always has a big smile on her face, so I don't think anyone will care. They're all cute. I don't even know their names, but I'm going to miss them. Most of the parents stayed in the room for the first couple of weeks, but now they mostly just leave me to it. (Except now that I think of it, a couple dads have been there most weeks. Hmm...) I prefer not to have adult supervision, anyway, since I'm more comfortable with kids.

I think this has inspired me to look for more volunteering opportunities with kids. Maybe I'll actually help at the Crisis Nursery now, since I signed up and got approval just in time to get a job and get busy again. The background check took two months! Too bad I wasn't trying to get a gun--then, it would have taken two minutes! I still say something is wrong with that.

Anyway, this whole weekend was nice and low-key, but I didn't really get around to cleaning like I had hoped. I don't even remember what I did on Friday. It must have been exciting. :) Yesterday, I wandered around Mardi Gras with a friend around 7pm, when most people were drunk and possibly yelling at each other. We were clearly too sober and everything was closing, so after a few minutes we went to Lafayette Square instead (The Chocolate Bar!). We ended up talking for hours and it was really nice to catch up.

Today, I was a lazy bum until it was time to meet the boy (sure, I'll call him that). We wanted to do something outside this afternoon, but the sun was deceiving, since it was still cold. Hopefully, it will warm up soon! I'm getting cabin fever. You know what else? He tries to come up with new things to do or places to go. That's not exactly easy, since I've done a lot, but he has come up with some things already. I don't mind going somewhere that I've been before, anyway, especially since he suggests some of my favorite places, coincidentally. I'm keeping my options kind of open, but he still seems to be winning. It appears I could also have a hot girlfriend, too, if I wanted one. I am so amused at my options, and I'm having trouble keeping track of them.

These days, "winning" only makes me think of Charlie Sheen. At least he's embracing his public meltdown, I guess...? I can't tell if we're laughing at him or with him, and maybe it's better that way. It seems like he is actually winning. You and me both, man. You and me both. :)