Something up my sleeve

I can't believe I'm a hip hop dance teacher! Well, I will be getting the Monday class to myself in a few weeks, anyway. I visited yesterday and those kids are so cute! There are only 4 of them (8-12 year olds), too, so I can definitely handle that. I mean, this job is the perfect way to combine my love of dance (especially hip hop) and my love of kids. I really missed both.

The idea of becoming a dance teacher had crossed my mind, but I basically gave up on that idea without trying. After I quit dancing school for dance team, I lost those connections and figured it would be too hard to walk in cold somewhere. I do have a few pretty cool dance accomplishments up my sleeve that I forgot about, but I never have a reason to mention them. Actually, I didn't even mention them to the owner, she just knew that I loved dance and choreography and that I had some experience. The school just opened in October, so they are still trying to establish themselves and figure out the best classes to offer. I might end up teaching other things, but I want to start slow. I will also probably be their designer and help out with the summer camp. It's hard to believe that this opportunity just fell into my lap.

I will be choreographing most of this class's dance to "1, 2 Step" (3 minutes). There's already a dance built into it, though, so I'll start with some of that. I'm nearly bursting at the seems with 3 years of pent-up dance moves, anyway, I think. Also, oddly enough, I made up a dance to the same song in college. I don't remember much of it, but it was sort of hard for the dance team to learn, so I'll probably just start from scratch for the pre-teens.

This sounds counter-intuitive, but I actually think that simplifying a dance for the beginner class will be more challenging than making what I consider to be a typical dance. History has shown that I don't quite understand the average person's interpretation of an "easy" dance. I'll have to figure out how to challenge them without overwhelming them.

We have 8 weeks of practice before the recital, so there's a lot to do. I'll be performing a few things with the other teachers and the adult class, at least a hip hop dance or two. You have to have a certain...I'll call it a grounded, exaggerated dance style and a cocky, irreverent attitude to do hip hop justice, and somehow, once I'm comfortable with a dance, I'm pretty sure I have that. No, really. Stop laughing. No one that I have met since college has seen me really dance and they probably don't believe me. Well, I guess I'll just have to show them. Get ready, I'm about to blow my white girl cover. ;)

Free association

I should just go to bed. I spent all day running around and I am rather tired, but I am compelled to write something. What? I don't know yet. Maybe it will materialize in this process. Or maybe not, in which case I just wasted 5 minutes of your life. It's time for some mindless entertainment on this blog though, right? It feels like it's been bogged down with articles and opinions lately, so let's lighten it up a little. There's plenty more where that other stuff came from, though. Stay tuned...

You know, I realized today that I don't really mind doing laundry. I put it off for way too long and then spend several hours on it, but then I turn it into a game: How many other things can I do while I wait for the timer to go off? Shower and fix hair? Check. Lunch? Check. Read a certain amount of pages in a book? Watch a movie? The possibilities are endless! Um, relatively. It's a race against the clock!...Okay, I need to get out more.

Actually no, that's the problem. I have been going out so much that I am finding joy in mundane activities like laundry, probably mostly because it gives me an excuse to be at home for a certain amount of time. Am I over-scheduling myself again? Possibly. It's so tempting, though. There are so many things I want to do and just not enough days in the week to do them. I'm used to a busy routine, and this time I'm filling it up with fun stuff, so I haven't quite figured out where to draw the line.

Starting tomorrow, I have a weekly event (outside of work) planned every day except Friday and Saturday (and Sat. is questionable with occasional belly dancing). Should I pass on Wednesday's new flamenco class? I guess I have until Wednesday to decide, but oh it's hard to pass up a dance class. I'm already supposed to set aside time for happy hour with Ali on that day...I have to schedule phone calls with my other friends that live out of town just to make sure we keep in touch.

Super multi-tasking is fun for me, though. I think I have been pursuing at least one hobby on nearly a weekly basis since kindergarten. I just always seemed to be interested in participating in or learning something outside of work or school, and it was never forced on me. Sometimes I wonder how I did it all. Did I sleep?

Do I even sleep now? Good question. Maybe I'll find out in a minute...

Miss (Fiercely) Independent

Sometimes, when I look around at other twenty-somethings in the dating world, I am a bit baffled. It seems as though more than a few people just don't feel comfortable enough with themselves to stand on their own, and they "need" that other person to "complete" them in some way...all in a matter of like, 3 months, too. I am not an expert on relationships, for sure, but I have always been under the impression that you have to complete yourself before you can truly attempt to feel complete with someone else. Relying on someone else to "fix" you or to make you happy won't work in the long run, because those decisions come from within.

A relationship should be a lovely bonus in life, not the be-all end-all of existence. Also, in my observations, becoming too attached too quickly comes across as a little desperate and dangerous. I thought these were universally accepted ideas, but I am finding that they do not come as easily to everyone; or at least, while many people would probably agree in theory, they do not reflect that in practice. Anyway, I recently came across a yahoo article that basically validates my take on relationships, and here are some highlights (italicized parts for emphasis):

"Since most twenty-somethings are entering their first serious romantic relationship, expectations of what it's supposed to be like are fueled by advertisements and Hollywood rather than real-life experience. And this is where the guys have my utmost sympathy. Let's examine one of the most popular aaahh-inducing lines in a movie: "You complete me" from "Jerry McGuire". He even says it in front of a room of the woman's closest friends! After that, the two embrace in a "you-are-my-soulmate" hug.

I bring this line up because I see so many twenty-somethings craving a relationship in the hopes that it will complete them in some way -- make them happier, relieve some kind of stress, keep them on par with their peers, or please their parents. The most dangerous thing you can expect or do in a relationship is to hold onto the expectation that the person you are with is there to do something for you. That is not the point of a relationship.

A healthy relationship is defined by two independent people who share a love for each other but are not dependent on each other. Whether you are currently swaying to your own beat, sashaying between different partners, or waltzing with one person in particular, it's important that you take the time to dance alone, to understand your personal rhythm, before matching yours to another. Take some single time, especially in your 20s, to learn who you are sans a plus one. You have the rest of your life to share a tube of toothpaste with someone else so enjoy these years of being on your own -- savor it. Living your own life, making your own decisions about your future, and dealing with the "real world" is a plate-full. Serious relationships can make it more difficult for you to figure yourself out, and not knowing who you are can do damage to future relationships. Think of it this way: ideally you'll get married and have a long life together. You'll be with this other person for decades, maybe even over half a century, so what's the rush? You will probably change more in your 20s than during any other decade in your life. So fall in love with yourself.

And if you are in a relationship, just be sure that you are conscious of continuing to develop your own sense of identity. Sure, a relationship takes compromise, but maintaining your own sense of individuality and independence is important. Do things alone, enjoy time with friends or on hobbies without your mate, and continue to invest in your own personal growth.

The best relationship is when two people that complete themselves come together to enjoy each other. Look for your "soul-match," not a fantasy "soulmate" who will complete you in some way -- that's your job!

I realize this is not exactly the making of a greeting card or Blockbuster Romantic Comedy; but I guarantee you, if you learn how to complete yourself in your 20s, you will eventually attract your "soul-match." Remember, we attract a reflection of ourselves, so consider working on completing yourself as an investment into upping the quality of your lifetime companion."

Metamorphosis

My current circumstances remind me how far I have come personally in recent years, especially in recent months. The work situation hasn't improved much, but I think this part-time deal is a blessing in disguise. I am not exhausted at the end of the day/week, so I am open to so many more opportunities. At least I'm still designing and I'm finding other ways to keep myself entertained. I still take my work seriously, but the difference is that I am not that attached to it. I'm more concerned with everything outside of work, and since I've basically been on the other end of that spectrum, I can see this is clearly how it should be.

For the first time in a long time, I can honestly say that I am content with just about everything. I'm still living within my means and I have a steady stream of money on the side coming in between freelance and hopefully this dance teacher job. I'm paying my aunt a very small amount each month (would be nothing if it was her decision) to live in her house, and I have the place to myself. (I hate to see my grandpa the way he is, but it has been a long time coming and I am coming to terms with it.) I am in a solid relationship that seems to have a good balance of everything. I see or talk to my friends on a regular basis and am gaining more friends through work and taiko. Japan in August should be a trip of a lifetime. Yep, I can live with this. It's not exactly what I had in mind, but it works just the same, maybe even better than I planned.

How odd. So how did I get here? Well, I think last year was a necessary, though painful, cleansing process. It feels as though losing my fancy job, my sense of security, my prized possession, and my own place (oh, and the ability to use my left hand to play in the biggest taiko show of the year...) really shed my "cocoon," if you will. No, "shed" is putting it too lightly. I was in the process of slowly shedding it before last year. Last year just busted it open. Many of those things that kept me safe and comforted suddenly disappeared and I was forced into the elements. I walked around in a daze for a while--bewildered, stumbling, just trying to keep my footing--and then, well, I guess you could say I discovered the ability to fly. And I will never be the same.

Fleeting thoughts

• I'm watching "Ghost Hunters" right now. Haven't seen it in a while, but it just reminded me that one of these days, I am going on a "Haunted Tour of Alton." It's one of the most haunted little cities in the world, you know.

• My car is so smart! I've had it for a year and a half, and I just realized that the windshield wipers slow down when my car is stopped. They know they don't have to work as hard when I'm at a stoplight. Maybe all cars are designed that way, but I never noticed it before.

• The pope recently announced that condoms could make the fight against AIDS in Africa worse. Okay sure, I know he's the pope and he has to uphold religious dogma, but making a statement like that is just dangerous, not to mention wrong. It places religious dogma over the lives of Africans. In another address to bishops from African countries, he said: "The traditional teaching of the church has proven to be the only failsafe way to prevent the spread of HIV/Aids." I don't even know what that means, exactly. The only way to be AIDS-free is by...not having sex outside of marriage? By not using contraception? Can you tell I'm really losing patience with Catholicism (that may be an understatement)?

• Sarah (roommate of 3 years in college) is getting married next May, and I'm her maid of honor! Yay! I'm excited about everything except giving the toast, and the dress looks like it will be gorgeous already! I just hope I don't cry at the wedding (or reception, for that matter). Well okay, I'm sure I'll at least tear up at the wedding, but no full on crying. I hope. ;)

• I might become a dance teacher very soon! The cousin of someone I work with started a dance studio a year ago and could use some help, so I'm checking out the studio this weekend. I might just start taking some adult classes at first to get a feel for it again, but the owner is already willing to pay me to help. Pay me to teach dance to kids? That's amazing.

• I worked through lunch the other day, and I am oddly happy with that. At least it means that I'm not bored. I don't like to do that all the time, but when it happens every once in a while, it makes me feel more productive.
  

• Okay back to the show, maybe also the last disk of The Office, season 4. I'll catch up eventually...
  

Fun with biological anthropology!

I've kind of exhausted the whole Myers-Briggs personality thing (well, as far as this blog is concerned), but luckily, biological anthropologist Helen Fisher has come up with four new types of temperaments for my (over) analysis! While she agrees that your childhood, background, values, and degree of good looks play a role in your personality and your selection of a mate, she is also starting to narrow in on how the chemical systems in the brain play a role. Her four temperaments are Explorers, Builders, Directors and Negotiators--I'll explain what that means in a minute.

Of course, we all display a bit of all the types occasionally, but one tends to stand out more than the others. If you can't figure it out from the descriptions, you can also take the test. Your two highest scores indicate your dominant personality type. Explorers gravitate towards Explorers, Builders towards Builders and Directors and Negotiators are drawn to each other. Director/Negotiator and Director/Builder relationships are the most popular combinations and tend to last the longest, though. I'm a NEGOTIATOR/Explorer. I already knew the negotiator part, but I'm a little surprised that my Explorer score is not more even with my Builder score. I like adventures and stuff, but I'm also big on manners (big like LeAnn Rimes, because I'm all about value...name that lyric). Here are my numerical results:

Negotiator=32
Explorer=30
Director=26
Builder=22

Here's a quick overview of some of the traits of the four types, but I prefer the more thorough descriptions you can find here:

Negotiators seek the ideal partner: someone with whom they can make an intensely intimate, deeply meaningful, inspiring and spiritual connection. They are popular with all types because they are flexible, appreciative, affectionate, good at reading other's thoughts and feelings, empathetic and superb at expressing their own ideas and emotions. Prefer to go out with one person at a time, and to avoid social events when getting to know someone. Can be deeply hurt by rejection. They are the most romantic of the four types. They are more complex than they often seem. Their ring fingers are usually shorter than their index fingers! Sex is an essential part of a partnership but must be mixed with romance, communication and emotional intimacy: sex and love are intertwined. They have a rich fantasy life, which can be tarnished if become disillusioned with their partner's imperfections. Negotiators trust their intuition.

Explorers tend to regard courting as entertainment. They are highly sensitive to the world around them and like the pleasures of the senses. They want someone to go adventuring with them--a playmate. It is easy for them to laugh at themselves. They entertain, even perform. They like music that is intense and complicated. Most have a good deal of experience at dating. They are good at listening and talking. They find self-disclosure difficult. Their attitude toward sex is relaxed. Explorers trust their impulses.

Directors consider dating an expenditure of time and energy. They seek a "mind mate". Are forthright and tend to make decisions quickly. They seek mates who are emotionally expressive, flexible, and have difficulty dealing with "controlling" people. Many have had little dating experience in their youth. They have a take-charge style. Generally have only a few serious relationships before they marry, don't defect easily once they have decided to build a partnership. Their ring fingers are usually at least as long, or longer than their index fingers! They have a high sex drive. Directors trust their logic.

Builders take courtship seriously and believe in good manners, courtesy, etc. Dating is a social activity. They tend to think concretely; like and trust facts. They are cautious and don't choose a partner impulsively. Often uncomfortable with "drama" and can appear unromantic but are dependable and have clear-cut values. They enjoy doing things as a couple within a larger group of friends...they want to belong. Are likely to be the least sexual of the four types. Builders trust their values.

Oh, wasn't that fun?!

Today

Today I had an interview at Moosylvania...again. I interviewed there last June just to get myself in front of them, but they weren't hiring at the time. They are thinking of hiring someone now, though, so the HR lady called me. It went pretty well, I think, except that they would really like someone with flash experience. That person is not me. The HR lady told me that if she came across a flash person in the next couple days, they would probably go with him or her, but she would contact me next week, anyway. We might end up working out a freelance type of thing/trial period on my days off, occasionally. Not too bad. It would get me in the door, at least, and the past has proven that's all I need. I was thrilled just to be in that agency setting again, so I hope something works out.

Today is also the first day of spring! Finally. Winter was too long and too cold this year, and I can't wait to do things outside again. I'm celebrating by going to a burlesque showcase called "Spring Fling." I figure it will be interesting, at least, and it does involve dancing and acrobatics, after all. It's not what I'm used to, but I suspect I might actually enjoy it. Maybe I'll decide to join "Lola Van Ella's Burlesque Army." Ha, I'll be the one in the burka. ;)

This is completely off topic, but have you ever heard me mention that I think Paul Rudd is completely adorable? He was on Ellen today, and in fact, she also described him as "adorable"--twice! I don't have an Ellen clip, but I do have other proof of this statement. Haha, aww. He would have to be my celebrity crush. He's the sidekick in...oh, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Anchorman, Knocked Up, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, even Clueless! He's been around for a while but has mostly kept under the radar. He's also in I Love You, Man, which comes out today, and I am definitely going to see it sometime soon!

N'Awlins

I am behind on my writing, so I'll start where I left off last week--the weekend trip to New Orleans with taiko. We drove all night on Thursday and performed two sets on Friday afternoon and evening. The sets would have been exhausting for me with a full night's sleep, but it was especially hard after "sleeping" in a car. Let's see...we played 10 songs, and I played 6 of those on the oodaiko (big drum, punching motion, very tiring) and 3 of those on the chus (medium size, big motions, occasional jumping). Ha, wow. I'm kind of glad I added that up now and not beforehand. All things considered, everyone played pretty well.

It was a pretty good trip overall, too, even though there was a lot of taiko togetherness between myself and the other 8 girls (you know, the obligatory naked pillow fights, girl-on-girl action, [insert other male fantasy here]). It was a good chance to get to know some of the other taiko members better, and even if all of their...uh, I'll call it "geek speak" (anime-type things)...goes over my head, they're a good group. It's a whole other world that I know nothing about, and all I can do is laugh and share a glance with the few other members as clueless as I am. The members are all mostly sweethearts and I appreciate their authenticity, though.

The city itself? Eh, the voodoo history and flamboyant debauchery are entertaining, but too gaudy and phony for me to stomach on a regular basis. We randomly came across 3 parades on our rainy Saturday excursion, though--2 for St. Joseph's Day, an Italian thing. I got a garter, a kiss on the cheek, and a fake rose from a cute Italian guy! It's a tradition. Mmm Italians...okay so the place has it's perks, but I digress. Part of me wonders if they just made this holiday up to have another celebration, but it doesn't actually matter. Oh, and I bought a voodoo doll, so don't say I didn't warn you. ;) The verdict: excellent location for a crazy weekend a couple times in your life, but I wouldn't want to live there...Besides, they eat entirely too much seafood.

Sticking it to "the man:" Part II (a different one)

I normally hate watching the local news, but I was flipping channels and came across something that caught my attention. See, there is a Catholic Church in St. Louis, St. Stanislaus, that has been fighting with the archdiocese for years over ownership. The church has been around for 130 years and wants to continue to maintain it's independence from the archdiocese; the archdiocese wants them to join so they can get their money and own their property. The archbishop excommunicated the parish in 2005 and both sides have been fighting since then, but the parish is still up and running. Today, the pope dismissed the priest from the clergy, but the priest says he will continue to serve at that church.

So let me get this straight--molest little boys and the archdiocese might transfer you to a different church or suspend you, but do your priestly duties against greedy archdiocesan wishes and the pope will kick you out? Okay, someone's not thinking this through. Again. I think that's further proof that the Catholic Church is hurtling off track and becoming exceedingly self-absorbed. The fact that the priest is staying there anyway is awesome, though, and it kind of makes me want to go there, if only to make a statement. Take that, archdiocese!

p.s. Perhaps "sticking it to the man" should be an ongoing series within my blog.
p.s. Haha, I really like this!

Who cares for the caregiver?

I saw my grandpa today for the first time since he went to the hospital. He's home now and able to walk around, but I'm finding that every time I see him, I have to fight back tears a little. He still knows who we are, but he can't always navigate in his own home and he just doesn't know what to do with himself. Tonight he marched around the room a few times to strengthen his legs, he said, and he kept saying that he's trying to get better so he can be like he used to be...When he could take care of himself and keep up with conversations, he means. I just don't think that's going to happen this time, and the fact that he recognizes that he is slipping away makes it a little worse.

It's hard on everyone, but it must be especially hard my aunt, since she now lives with him. I'm still living in her house, but she's not. She loves taking care of people and she's perfect for that job, but I just wonder who is taking care of her. My dad and other aunts relieve her occasionally, but they don't have that much time. Who cares for the caregivers? (Geek alert: Or, "Who watches the watchmen?," if you will. :-/ )

I guess I'm thinking about my aunt a little more because I relate to that on some level. For example, my good friend put together a girls' night this weekend to take someone away from her problems for a night. Now, this person absolutely 100% deserved it and I am glad that we did it, but I have to admit, I'm a little jealous. No one bothered to do anything like that for me during last year's hell. I mean, I had to call up some friends to go out the night I found out for sure that my hand was broken...which also happened to be the night before my birthday. We celebrated my birthday with taiko, which I am grateful for, but I honestly think that was the extent of any special "big night out" all year that I did not personally plan. I really don't like being at the center of those kinds of things, normally, but last year would have been an exception. It just didn't seem to occur to anyone, and it didn't occur to me, either, until now. Maybe they thought I didn't need it because except to a select few, I didn't talk about it. Whining has to be my biggest pet peeve and I am very careful not to subject most other people to it (only the lucky ones ;)). (For the record, the person we went out for was not whining, so I'm not implying that.)

Sometimes I feel like I'm always so ready to help everyone else and put my own problems aside that people assume that I don't need help--like I have to be the strong one because some other people have it worse than I do and I don't want to burden them. Certainly, I have some amazing friends that are always there for me, too, but I don't always make it easy for them to be there, either.

I want to take care of myself while offering unconditional comfort and support to everyone else, and it just can't work that way. I intrinsically absorb their pain, almost as if it were my own sometimes. It's like I tend to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, not because I choose to, but because I can't avoid it. I even care about the people that I realistically should not care about, but I am at least learning to cut ties with those that just don't appreciate or seem to notice my efforts.

That is the problem with an overly sensitive intuition--my empathy occasionally overcompensates where others lack, which has been known to lead to a disproportionate amount of give and take. Knowing that I might have helped someone makes it worthwhile, though. It's a double-edged sword.

Superhero surprise

I just came back from seeing The Watchmen. Or is it just Watchmen? Well, whatever. Obviously, I knew nothing about it going in, except that it had something to do with superheroes and a pending nuclear war--typically, not my kind of movie, so I had pretty low expectations. Okay, it was pretty weird. Yes, I missed probably a quarter of it because I couldn't bring myself to actually watch all the gratuitous violence (luckily I saw it coming and looked away)...and yes, it was a little odd that the blue guy was naked basically the whole time, not to mention the fact that he was, in fact, blue (I'll let that one slide, sort of, now that I think about it. The guy's made of electricity, static cling would be a nightmare!)...and oh, it's 2 1/2 hours long.

Despite all of that, I was rather impressed. If you're paying attention, the entire movie is drenched in moral dilemma and intelligent social and political commentary! Now that is my kind of movie. It actually gave me new things to think about, which is always a good thing in my book. Bonus points for the bloody smiley face graphic and unexpected soundtrack, too (well, "unexpected" does not always mean good, though).

I've been going to an open philosophy discussion at Schlafly for a couple months (third Wed.), and I could picture an entire discussion based on this movie. Actually, the first talk I attended focused on morals and ethics, and it started with the moral and ethical implications in Dark Knight. It shares some similar themes with Watchmen, too. For example, sometimes a "good" guy has to become an "enemy" in order to unite everyone against a common cause.

I imagine some people viewed this movie almost entirely superficially--they appreciated it for the superheroes, the dramatic deaths, the cool special effects, and the full-frontal nudity (male and female)--and that's okay, but I was much more interested in the underlying themes. (Heh, go figure...) Will I watch it again? Probably once more, on DVD. Hell, maybe I'll even read the book (uh...once I catch up on the other books I've been trying to juggle). But that, in itself, is quite a feat for a mere superhero movie.

Free spirit

My mom has been calling creative types like me "free spirits" for years, and I have to admit, this description fits amazingly well (well, I can only speak for myself here):

You're a free spirit

Key Traits: romantic, dreamer, fickle, communicative, eager, fun, sprightly. You're a free and creative spirit. Some people might call you a non-conformist, but you'd like to think of yourself as one who sees beauty where others might miss it. You are inspired and feel passionate about the little things -- the way the sun beams through a window, a memorable guitar riff, a sparkle in someone's eye. Face it. You're a romantic, and even a bit on the wild side when it comes to sex. Your friends and family enjoy your company and value the way you view the world through your own kaleidoscope. People love how imaginative and expressive you are. On the flip side, it takes a lot to keep your attention. But when you encounter someone who can pique your interest and complement your creative disposition, it will be rewarding and powerful!

:)

Split personalities

Okay, I was only planning on one post today, but then that little quote to the right sparked my memory. It says "Death may be the greatest of all human blessings." I point that out because it goes along with a play I saw yesterday. In the play, an old woman is in a coma on her death bed, looking back at herself through the years. The 26, 52, and 92-year-old versions of herself are duking it out, justifying their motives and explaining where they are in life. She has changed so much that each version of herself is at odds with the other two, trying to come to grips with how life panned out. In the end, the woman decides that her happiest moment is when it's all over and she can finally stop.

It makes me wonder. I suppose there is some truth to that statement, but how much? And how depressing. Of course, I identified with that 26-year-old in the play, still full of optimism and denying that things were mostly going to get worse instead of better. However, I also recognized pieces of my mom and my aunts in the middle-aged woman. Do we change that much over the years? Will life inevitably snuff out that spark?

I hope not. I already see the treachery in the world, but I try to focus on the good things. It takes constant effort, and part of me wonders if I will be able to keep those shadows at bay forever. I feel like I have already changed rather significantly over the years, also, and even now, there are parts of my earlier self that I would rather forget. I am in a constant state of change and growth, though, and I guess only time will tell what that really means.

p.s. Oh no! The Daily Show reminds me that I missed the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) convention. All my friends were there: Bush, Cheney, Limbaugh, Romney, Coulter...Now that's a party.

Public Service Announcement

Okay guys, listen up. Although I have denied it for years, it seems that the "nice guys finish last" thing is at least partially true. Well, it is in the early stages of a relationship, anyway. If the best thing you can offer seems to be flowers, dinner and compliments after a few dates, don't expect to win us over. Sometimes we stick around because we think we should, but sooner or later we realize that it just feels wrong. This has been the consensus among my single girlfriends lately. Hear me out, though.

See, it's not that we want you to be mean to us. We don't. We still expect to be treated well...It's just that we don't want to be treated too well at first. I'm talking, like, agreeing with everything we say, showering us with gifts, being too available, always opening the car door for us (okay, maybe that last one is just me...). Why go through all that trouble when you barely know us? Even if your intentions are good, it comes across as desperate, potentially clingy and suspicious. We wonder, are you buttering us up early so that we will be more forgiving of your bad behavior down the road? And who are you, really?

Now, I'm not saying that you should be a jerk and you should stop trying to be nice, either. Some girls do go for that, I'm not gonna lie, but it never ends well. Most of us just want you to be your own person, not the person you think we want you to be. If you're the right guy, the person we want you to be is who you are already, anyway (uh, stay with me here). What I'm saying is, don't let us think that we can walk all over you - not that we would, necessarily, but we shouldn't even have the option. Challenge us and continue to live your own life (while still making time for us, of course), and we will respect you. At least, that's how I see it. I think that all healthy, smart, secure women demand an equal, not a doormat. We expect healthy, smart, secure men to demand the same thing.