Happy Halloween!

Last year, I missed most of October and some of November because I was basically chained to my desk. It recently occured to me that this is the beginning of what I would call "toolkit season" for Kraft. Toolkits stole my soul for a month or two at a time, mostly from about mid-October to February. They are monster projects with hundreds of moving parts and seemingly impossible deadlines, and I was the project manager on all of them for our team. When we accepted the first toolkit project, no one really knew what they were, but by the end, the interactive department and I had streamlined the process. We put together a thorough process packet for the next toolkit team, because I didn't want future teams to go through the hell that I did (I guess sometimes I'm too nice). Maybe by now the leader of the group in Chicago has figured out that sr. art directors and creative directors typically manage those projects on other teams, not junior art directors. Good riddance. Mwahahaaa. (Actually, that experience could get me a job as a junior interactive project manager....)

Anyway, this year I have been trying to take advantage of my freedom to celebrate Halloween, since I kind of missed out on the ghost stories, scary movies, costumes, caramel apples, and candy last year. Chicago inspired my old school gangster/mobster costume for this year. The movie (which I love) was on tv a few times in early October, and it reminded me that I still had a costume from a dance that I did to "All That Jazz." I just added a skirt, fishnets, fedora, machine gun, and cigar! I've worn it a few times already, and it's pretty fun. [EDIT: I can legitimately call myself "Sharky" with this costume!! It can be like my alter ego. Thanks for the reminder, Eddie. ;)]

Halloween has been more of a month than a day this year. I'm going to hand out candy (the kids are so cute in their costumes!) and go to a house party on Halloween, and then I guess it will be over. I'm just hoping for a Hitchcock marathon sometime soon. Oh, and of course, it's not Halloween without (Indian) Thriller: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbvP7dT3Dx0?! LOL. Happy Halloween!

McCain accepts the dance-off challenge!

Presidential Dance Off - The best home videos are here

It's raining men

I thought of another addition to my mix cd: "It's Raining Men" by The Weather Girls.

The forecast has been partly cloudy with a chance of...men for a while now, and lately I have been leaving my umbrella at home. :-P I'm not really sure how I feel about it, actually. I am meeting more prospects (not just some guy somewhere, but actual possibilities) than I did when I had a job, though, which is kind of weird. I mean, I'm not exactly at the top of my game right now. Maybe just the fact that I'm open to talking to these guys more than once has made the difference, but I am still treading lightly. I'm truly taking everything day by day, doing whatever I want, and my goal is just to have fun...while I still look for a job. I rarely even spend an evening at home these days. "You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future" is my new motto. It seems to be working out pretty well. Stay tuned...

Presidential dance-off?!?!

Election day is less than 2 weeks away and things are heating up. Let's all take a breather and smile for a minute: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHXSRZQfOWc. Oh no he didn't. That sounds like a challenge, McCain, and everyone knows that a dance-off is the only universally accepted way to settle conflicts...How did this not even occur to me before?! Either way, Obama wins (I hope), but a dance-off would be way more entertaining.

I am still eating this political stuff up, though--it's like brain food. Some of it is practically incomprehensible and drives me absolutely crazy, but that's part of what makes it so interesting. I am just beyond excited that we are getting rid of Bush, and I can only hope that the tide turns. Maryville had a presidential panel discussion with political experts tonight, and I am so glad I went! Don't worry, I'll spare you the details...in fact, after this, I will try not to write about politics at all until we have a winner. All 4 of them predicted that Obama would win, though.

Politics and religion are actually some of my favorite topics of discussion, though. I know that's dangerous, which is why I pretty much only talk about them with a few close friends...basically the people reading this blog. I do it because I am honestly trying to broaden my understanding of it. Usually I can see both sides of everything pretty easily, but not really in politics. In 2004 I desparately wanted to know why someone would vote for Bush, but I just ended up with more frustration and more questions. I exhausted that to the point where I have almost given up trying to understand the Bush/republican point of view, which is why I have been very conscious of staying out of those kinds of discussions this time. It's not worth it to enter into a discussion with someone who doesn't even attempt logic, anyway (like, "he's a muslim" doesn't count as a reason to not vote for Obama). Neither one of us will change the other person's mind, anyway, so we might as well keep the peace. I would absolutely welcome an intelligent, open-minded, even-tempered debate with someone on the other side, though...that opportunity just doesn't come up very often.

Anyway, before I cut myself off from my political rantings, I will leave you with this new little nugget from my good friend Sarah Palin (as McCain says, "the most popular governor in the US"...uh, yeah, now that she's running for VP): "They're [referring to VP] in charge of the United States Senate, so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes." Um, wrong. Oh, this woman is already competing with Bush for the most idiotic soundbites! I mean, on August 29 she didn't know what a VP did (because she asked), but by now she should probably have that down. Keep in mind that this could be the future: http://palinaspresident.us/. Sweet dreams, friends.

Mix CD October 2008

When I had itunes...when I had a computer, I would make a mix cd every few months. It was just a collection of songs off the top of my head that I really liked or that I could relate to at the time. When I would listen to it later, I realized that it pretty accurately captured my life in that moment. Anyway, if I could make one right now, in 5 minutes, I would include these songs:
"Miss Independent" by Ne-yo
"Be Okay" by Ingrid Michaelson
"Womanizer" by Britney Spears
"What Girls Like" by Ludacris and Chris Brown
"If I Were A Boy" by Beyonce
"Hot N Cold" by Katy Perry
"Love Lockdown" by Kanye West
"The Little Things" by Colbie Caillat
"Streetcorner Symphony" by Rob Thomas
"U Want Me 2" by Sarah McLaughlin
"Let It Rock" by Kevin Rudolf f/ Lil Wayne
"Viva La Vida" by Coldplay

Some of them are just fun, but the lyrics in others really hit home with me. Interpret away.

100,000

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vm8yhVLdLJk
The Obama rally yesterday in St. Louis drew 100,000 people, a record for Obama in the U.S. This photo is actually the picture of progress, if you think about it--a black presidential candidate draws a huge crowd in front of the courthouse that jump-started the fight against slavery nearly 160 years ago. I went to the rally, and it was pretty amazing to see the entire field next to the Arch completely covered with people.

My dad asked how Obama arrived at the stage with all those people around, and I told him that he either descended from the heavens or walked across the water, I couldn't remember which. :) Okay, it wasn't quite like that. As much as I like Obama, I realize that he is only human and does not have all the answers. It will obviously take much more than charisma and eloquence to fix the damage of the past 8 years (in some cases the damage of much longer than that, admittedly), but we have to start somewhere. In this perfect storm of unfortunate circumstances, it takes more guts to be optimistic than it does to be cynical. If we plan on accomplishing anything together, though, we desparately need a visionary to lead the charge. Of course, we also need a healthy dose of practicality and action, but I think he will surround himself with those kinds of people. Joe Biden is already a great example of that; Sarah Palin is a joke. If that alone hasn't made you question McCain's judgement, nothing will. Colin Powell, whom I considered to be the voice of reason in the Bush administration (and a friend of McCain), is even backing Obama. I pride myself on my correct assessment of the Bush administration and Iraq a good 2-3 years before many other people, and I have to say that I actually believe that Obama means what he says. Believe what you want, but that's my two cents.

Things on the McCain side seem to be getting pretty nasty, but I'm not really surprised. I mentioned Obama's rally number in passing to a super republican/christian/pro-life friend of mine (left out that I was there since I didn't want to get into it), and his response was, "Someone should have dropped a bomb"...Yeah, just like Jesus would do. That is a perfect example of the disconnect that I see with the "christian conservative" ideology that has taken hold of the republican way. How can you be a pro-life warmonger? When did Jesus tell us that we should only look out for ourselves and people exactly like us? As far as I'm concerned, pro-life should promote human dignity and protection for all life, not just unborn American babies--it should extend to soldiers, innocent Iraqi babies, or anyone who may be "different" from you because of race, religion, sexual orientation, etc. On the contrary, with the exception of soldiers, those kinds of people are often considered inferior and rejected by some of the most fervent "pro-life" supporters. It doesn't add up to me. Republicans can keep their hypocritical "christian values;" I prefer good old humanitarianism.

Workaholics Anonymous

Hi, my name is Julie and I am a recovering workaholic. I haven't worked in 4 months.

Okay, I admitted it. Now what? No one ever talks about what happens in those AA meetings, for example, after they get through the introductions. It's hard to describe my relationship to work to someone that just works to pay the the bills, and even harder to resolve the problems that result once that is taken away. The reward for good, hard work was more work and more responsibility, and I loved the challenge. I tried to maintain a balance between work life and social life, but I let myself get lost in the cycle; it was just easier to focus on one at a time, and work always seemed to win. Sometimes I worked so much that I made myself sick, and even though I could see it coming, I did nothing to stop it. I stopped making plans with my friends during the week, because if something came up at work, I would have to cancel. I still placed great importance on hanging out with friends on weekends, but I usually felt too drained by the rest of the week to enjoy that time as much as I should have. It didn't seem like I had any other option, though. I was probably not too far away from a complete burnout; I willfully ignored the warning signs for too long.

Losing my job kind of snapped me back into reality and forced me to reassess my priorities. By all accounts, I should have been up for a promotion; however, despite my best efforts and sacrifices, they let me go instead. I haven't really come to terms with it yet, and it has affected me more than I have admitted to myself up until this point. Maybe I clung to work because I felt like I at least had some control over it, even though that turned out to be an illusion. It doesn't really matter now. What does matter is that, from now on, I recognize that work should not be the central part of my life. I can't hide under piles of work anymore, so I have to come face to face with everything else.

Redefining my independence

“Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over.”--Gloria Naylor

I think sometimes, you do have to let go and give someone space to figure things out. It's risky, though, because after they throw themselves into the fire, so to speak, they will either emerge when the smoke clears or they will be lost forever in the haze. I'm struggling with that right now because I don't want to lose them, but it takes more energy than I can muster to be there for someone who is not returning the favor. I still care about their well-being, but there's not much I can do. (Something that I can't seem to dismiss is what I would call the "pain in their eyes," though; later, I stumbled on this quote: "A true friend is one who sees the pain in your eyes while everyone else believes the smile on your face.") Maybe we both just need to work on taking care of ourselves first. Normally, I only ask for basic respect and honesty from my friends, but these days, I am asking for more than that. I will gladly listen to their problems, but I am trying to deal with my own problems, too. Basically, I need to surround myself with people that support me the way I try to support them.

That means that I need people to just listen and not judge, maybe even offer advice or gently probe me for more. Then allow me space to kick it around in my head and come to my own conclusions, in my own time. I'm grappling with all sorts of things, and sometimes I can use reassurance that I'm not alone. Other times, I just need to have some fun and take my mind off of everything. As much as I hate to admit it, I can't do it all by myself. Of course, I still pride myself on my independence (some might say stubborness) and emotional stability, but I am trying to balance that with occasional vulnerability, too. Above all, I need to know that I can depend on my friends if/when I feel the need to do that. I don't think that's asking for much.

Inside my brain for 60 seconds

Relatively trivial stuff that's been on my mind. I can't even begin to talk about the bigger stuff:

• Movin 101.1 has been playing Christmas music all day today! Yes, on October 10. I have no idea why, but it makes me laugh. Plus, they just played "Mele Kalikimaka," which reminds me of Christmas Vacation, possibly my favorite Christmas movie. I'm not ready for Christmas, though. It's suppposed to be a happy time, but it also seems to magnify some misfortunes. Hopefully things will get better by then, though.
  

• Why is everyone so down on hope, by the way? I know it's hard to think that way when things are bad, but I also think that's exactly what everyone needs these days. There will not be a "magic bullet" solution to our problems, but we have to start somewhere. Progress is impossible without vision.
  
• You can't be "too intellectual" to be President, and I can't believe people are criticizing Obama for that; you can, however, be too "regular Joe six-pack," as we've seen. I will gladly take the former. I have been very disappointed in John McCain throughout this process, because I know he's above the cheap attacks his campaign has been making on Obama. He's finally standing up to ignorant voters, though, so I can cut him a little slack (even if his people put these ideas in their heads to begin with): http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081010/ap_on_el_pr/mccain_angry_crowds. Palin, however, will forever be on my bad side. Obama's leading by 11 points right now, too! Ooh I can almost smell victory...
  
• I can't turn on the tv, go on the internet or look at a magazine without seeing or hearing about someone from "The Hills." WHY are they such a big deal?! I tried to watch it once, and I could only get through 10 minutes of it, tops. I want my brain cells and 10 minutes back. As far as I can tell, the whole thing is centered around some spoiled, attractive 20-somethings and their trivial drama. They live in their little bubble and the world revolves around them and their "problems." Please, spare me.
  
• I just bought my skirt for flamenco class, so I'm kind of excited that I get to use it tomorrow. Skirt movements are part of the choreography. Flamenco is hard, though! They count in 12 (not 8, like everything else) and there is a ton of fancy footwork. I'm at least 2 years behind the rest of the class, but I prefer it that way. I'm not exactly used to a dance class that goes "too fast" for me, so I love the challenge.
  
• I'm impressed by some of the subjects that movies are tackling these days. I'm really looking forward to seeing Religulous tonight, a documentary by Bill Maher about religion, and I also can't wait for W. to come out. I hope directors keep up this trend!
  

Well, I have another busy weekend ahead of me, so I have to get going. I'm glad we had this talk. :-P

A method to my madness

A few years ago I was on a bit of a psychology kick and I started researching the typology theories of Carl Jung and the resulting Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test. The test measures psychological preferences in how people think and act, broken down into four scales of opposing preferences: Introversion/Extroversion (I/E), Sensing/Intuition (S/N), Thinking/Feeling (T/F), and Judging/Perceiving (J/P). The result is a combination of 4 letters, which means that there are 16 possible personality types. Find your personality type here: http://www.kisa.ca/personality/

Recently it has sparked my interest again. The type explanations seem to be pretty accurate, and while they are the result of clinical observations as opposed to controlled scientific studies, I think they are just a good place to seek self-awareness and a better understanding of other people. I am fascinated by the motivations and perceptions of others, and gaining those insights helps me more readily appreciate and relate to other people on a deeper level. For example, I thoroughly enjoy listening to anyone's life story and I actually love trying to guess the personality types of people that I know (or you could just tell me, if you took the test). I'm a closet sociologist, I suppose, constantly gathering and analyzing human "data."

Most people are said to have at least three consistently strong preferences (of the 4), but I only have two: Introvert (I) and Intuition (N). Apparently the IN group of personalities (INFP, INTP, INFJ, INTP) is rare among the general population (surprise!)--each type represents only about 1% (minus INFP, which is more like 3%). As you might imagine, I almost never find anyone in this grouping. When I do recognize someone that can inherently understand me, though, it's pretty exciting...and oddly frustrating, because even I still find that other person to be complex.

The Thinking/Feeling and Judging/Perceiving parts of my personality are basically split 50/50 (maybe 55/45 T/F). That would help explain my paradoxal nature--my head and heart are in an epic battle to the death, and there is never a clear winner. I guess you could say I really do have "multiple personalities" (4 actually, haha); however, I usually end up with one of these two results:

INFJ (Counselor)
INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. (Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.) Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their J preference for closure and completion, they are generally "doers" as well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn. Those who are activists -- INFJs gravitate toward such a role -- are there for the cause, not for personal glory or political power.

INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates." While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers." As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type.

Due in part to the unique perspective produced by this alternation between detachment and involvement in the lives of the people around them, INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil. The most important contributing factor to this uncanny gift, however, are the empathic abilities often found in Fs, which seem to be especially heightened in the INFJ type.

Explicit inner conflicts are not uncommon in INFJs; it is possible to speculate that the causes for some of these may lie in the specific combinations of preferences which define this complex type. For instance, the I and J combination, while perhaps enhancing self-awareness, may make it difficult for INFJs to articulate their deepest and most convoluted feelings.

Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. INFJs are highly intuitive and can recognize another's emotions or intentions - good or evil - even before that person is aware of them. They themselves can seldom tell how they came to read others' feelings so keenly. This extreme sensitivity to others could very well be the basis of the INFJ's remarkable ability to experience a whole array of psychic phenomena.

INTP (Architect)

Most primary interests of an INTP are things which he cannot fully understand, usually because they are highly complex or have some exotic, mystical element that does not yield to analysis. This is the real reason why INTPs are drawn to complexity: anything simple is too quickly understood and cannot hold the fascination for long. The interests of an INTP would be enough to occupy him for several lifetimes if that were possible. Photography and music are classic interests of the INTP. The INTP takes his interests and beliefs very seriously.

He detests facades and particulary dislikes people who exhibit them. Equally, those kind of people also dislike INTPs and avoid them at all cost, for they know that the INTP will see right through them. One-to-one conversation is preferred in almost every situation. In a group situation, INTPs are sensitive to whether they believe they will be listened to or not. An INTP's ideal is to provide all the ideas for a project and have a charismatic leader, who agrees with him, carry them out.

INTPs put great weight on being individuals and essentially different from other people, who they often view as being too alike and too interdependent. General role models for INTPs are individualistic, creative and perhaps enigmatic people. Innovative free-thinkers who follow their own new paths are usually greatly respected. Above all, individualism is the key factor, while vision is the most highly prized asset.

The dominant Ti core tends to assume the role of a controller and organiser of his life, while the Ne behaves like a free spirit, almost childlike in its enthusiasm. The INTP tends to experience these two forces as an almost continuous tug-of-war, with neither ever quite gaining the upper hand. He is not disturbed by this duality and can view it with wistful humour. Generally, INTPs have a very strong requirement to keep their external, social world as simple and as uncluttered as they can so that they can focus as much energy as possible on their internal world of system analysis and theoretizing. Hence, they tend to be amongst the least demanding and least complicated of all types when interacting with others. They prefer to let the world flow by: to observe the waves being made by others, but to make none themselves. The INTP always tries to get a feel for the big picture, using his Ne, and habitually ignores all detail.

He is compelled to subject his emotions to continual analysis. He believes emotions to be of a lesser substance than logic and his natural goal would be to conquer his emotions with pure rationality. The root of the fear of emotions is the fear that they cannot be controlled. INTPs detest irrational emotion above all things. INTPs must take a very wide berth around people who appear to be irrationally, outwardly emotional. INTPs are very sensitive to such a trait and fear the potential excesses of the emotional attacks which do not yield to a defence based on logic.

You can't run for Dictator

Like I said, I did not see the debate, but I am disturbed by this:

"Palin was asked about Vice President Dick Cheney’s contention that the vice president was a “free agent” unfettered by laws governing either the legislative or executive branches. Palin did not reply directly, saying instead that the Constitution was “flexible,” allowing a McCain-Palin administration to “do whatever we have to do to administer very appropriately the plans for this nation.”

Biden responded heatedly that “the Constitution is very clear.” Under Article I, the vice president is part of the executive branch, he said."

The Constitution still is the law (despite what we've seen the last 8 years), and we absolutely can't afford another administration that claims to be above it! I can't stress that enough. Oh please, America, wake up.

Rock the vote

I am going to miss the vice presidential debate tonight because of taiko practice. Although I'm sure it would be relatively amusing, I figure it's better to be hitting drums than to be hitting my head against the wall. There's a part of me that wants to see if Palin is truly as clueless and incompetent as I think she is. (Why do candidates go to such lengths to be the "average American," by the way? Personally, I want someone much smarter than that.) Her appeal is purely superficial, though, as far as I can tell. ("The president needs someone that is good at marketing," after all...someone actually told me that the other day, among other idiotic things. I just kept my mouth shut the whole time because I can't begin to debate someone with "points" like that.) Surely there must be something there that I am missing, right? Now, I have no doubt that she will put on a good performance and be prepared to attack (core values of the McCain campaign), but will she actually bring anything to the table? As much as people like to think VP does not make a difference, I think it's important to realize that this woman is a heartbeat away from the presidency--literally, because McCain is not exactly the picture of health. If you still don't know much about her, I urge you to do some research. It's frightening.

Voter registration ends October 8 in Missouri. It takes hardly any time, and unless you are in a coma or legally brain dead, you have no excuse to not even register. If you decide later not to vote, for whatever reason, fine. I won't really understand it, but I can at least respect it. Not even registering just blows my mind, though. I honestly think that it spits in the faces of our ancestors that fought for that right and people all over the world who would give anything for that opportunity. Our ancestors did not fight for our right to not give a shit, frankly, and indifference just accentuates how much we take for granted as Americans. The system might have some problems (electoral votes are outdated, for one), but opting out won't correct anything, anyway. You might not agree with every decision a candidate has ever made or might ever make, but if you don't pick a representative, someone else will just do it for you. You have one chance every 4 years, and that's all you can do. We are potentially on the brink of another depression, global warming is looming, oil companies are holding us hostage, we are still fighting a war...I can think of plenty of reasons why it's especially important to vote right now. The stakes are far too high to choose apathy.

http://think.mtv.com/044FDFFFF00A143B3001700993A6A/