Redefining my independence

“Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over.”--Gloria Naylor

I think sometimes, you do have to let go and give someone space to figure things out. It's risky, though, because after they throw themselves into the fire, so to speak, they will either emerge when the smoke clears or they will be lost forever in the haze. I'm struggling with that right now because I don't want to lose them, but it takes more energy than I can muster to be there for someone who is not returning the favor. I still care about their well-being, but there's not much I can do. (Something that I can't seem to dismiss is what I would call the "pain in their eyes," though; later, I stumbled on this quote: "A true friend is one who sees the pain in your eyes while everyone else believes the smile on your face.") Maybe we both just need to work on taking care of ourselves first. Normally, I only ask for basic respect and honesty from my friends, but these days, I am asking for more than that. I will gladly listen to their problems, but I am trying to deal with my own problems, too. Basically, I need to surround myself with people that support me the way I try to support them.

That means that I need people to just listen and not judge, maybe even offer advice or gently probe me for more. Then allow me space to kick it around in my head and come to my own conclusions, in my own time. I'm grappling with all sorts of things, and sometimes I can use reassurance that I'm not alone. Other times, I just need to have some fun and take my mind off of everything. As much as I hate to admit it, I can't do it all by myself. Of course, I still pride myself on my independence (some might say stubborness) and emotional stability, but I am trying to balance that with occasional vulnerability, too. Above all, I need to know that I can depend on my friends if/when I feel the need to do that. I don't think that's asking for much.