Affairs of the heart

I didn't write the part after this intro, but I thought it was touching. It was written by an old coworker about another old coworker that I run into fairly regularly (he lives close and sometimes works next door). He's a good guy, and one of two people I know that has had a serious heart attack in just the past week. Even if some of the following doesn't fully apply to me, my stupid heart was also just figuratively weakened and broken, and it is quickly on the mend. (It could very well leave a figurative scar, though.) I think I've been mostly keeping it in perspective, but sometimes we can all use this kind of reminder:

'Tis the season for affairs of the heart.

Mine was broken into a million tiny pieces, the Friday before Valentine's Day.

The dreams I had, the future I envisioned...one day it was there, and the next, it was gone.

But my heart is merely broken.

Yesterday, my friend had a heart attack. I don't know all the details.

"Massive heart attack."

"Extensive damage."

"ICU."

My broken heart warrants none of these descriptors. It hurts. It aches like crazy. I don't understand why this happened, not really.

But I'm sure if my friend were able, he'd wonder the same things.

Why me?

What could I have done differently?

What about my kids? How will it affect them, seeing me this way?

He's fighting for his life. He can't suck it up.

But I can.

Dear friend, I'm sorry for making such a big deal about my broken heart.

Screw my stupid heart. It's a sucker. It loves people that don't love it back.

I'm praying for the swift and 100% recovery of yours.

I miss my bike

This weather is making me want to come out of hibernation and oh, I don't know, ride my bike. I'll get around to getting that bike...later, but it seems a little more pressing now. I've made several tentative plans with myself to retrieve it, and then something more appealing comes up and I decide that it can wait for some other time, like when I don't have other plans. The "problem" is, my supply of other plans is seemingly endless. I guess I will have to designate a day and actually plan on sticking to it, even though I could find other, better things to do.

Speaking of sticking to plans, did you know that even when some people have to cancel (tentative) plans at the last minute because of work, they are considerate enough to give you fair warning beforehand, reschedule, and genuinely apologize because they potentially kept you from other plans (on a Sunday night)? I mean, it's not even like I turned down a free ticket to the symphony (on a Friday) for plans that he set and then "didn't feel like" keeping...in this case. And this guy even thought of all of that previously mentioned stuff on his own, instead of arguing with me because I wanted some sort of apology in the first place (as was the case with the symphony thing)! (Oh, and don't even get me started on what the other person did instead!!) Actually feeling like this guy thinks about my feelings is wonderful and surprisingly different. I knew that was the main issue of the past, but it didn't really hit me until I really got away from it. I guess I got used to (fighting over) that, and any glimpse of improvement gave me hope. It never improved as much as it should have, though.

Holy sh*t! At this point, I can't help but compare the new treatment to the old treatment, and there is no contest. Reflecting only makes me angry, though, and that doesn't help anything. It's over, I learned from it, and I will never accept anything close to that again. I can't even really explain where I'm coming from, but let's just say that even after years of training, the bar is low. I must be extremely low maintenance to people with an inherent sense of courtesy toward other human beings, and it's shocking that I put up with anything less. I'm sure I didn't give any less. Basic Respect & Consideration 101 will be a prerequisite for my next boyfriend, though, since I am no longer teaching that class. :)

So about that bike...well, it looks like I'll have to reschedule, too, and I am only sorry that I didn't get it back before I had time to think it through. The bike seems to be the only thing standing in the way of freedom from that part of my past. I was hoping I could wait until more of my sympathy returned, but I think that the first day of Spring might come first. March 20 is my new personal deadline.

Monogamory

It's such a beautiful day! Too bad I'm stuck inside all day, and even all night, until Friday. Tonight I'll be inside on my own accord, since it's Theology at the Bottleworks night. This month's topic is monogamy, so that should be interesting. I'm pretty sure monogamy is still ultimately the best choice, but polyamory seems more reasonable than I used to think. Personally, I am just allowing myself to be somewhat romantically interested in more than one person at a time (in a practice known as "casual dating," I believe). Polyamory is just like a...more thorough investigation of that, right? I don't know how it would ever work long-term, but it seems like it could be fun for a few months--not that I've decided to go there, I'm just sayin.' Decisions and commitment are hard sometimes, especially once I allow myself to have options. ;)

Oddly enough, a site that I regularly visit had an article about it today. It was talking about what it means for a relationship to "work," and how that applies to different forms of relationships. Does "working" have to mean that you must be together forever? Chances of that are rather slim these days. Instead, they (quoting Dan Savage) offered this alternate definition: “Did you get something out it? Was it good for you, was it good for them? Did you grow in this relationship? Do you look back on it with some fondness? In that sense, polyamorous relationships can work, monogamous relationships can work, they can all work ... If everybody had a great time and you emerged friends and you felt intimacy and connection and you learned and you grew in that relationship, it f**king worked even if you outlived it.” You know, I feel pretty good about most parts of that. C'est la vie.

Unsolicited Opinions

Well, so much for that disappointing "blizzard." I was ready to be snowed in, and it wasn't even enough to keep me at home on Tuesday. It was barely doing anything in the morning, and even the ride home at 2:30 wasn't that bad. The hardest part was getting in the driveway. Because of the hype, I was one of only 5 people in the office and I drove the farthest. I got there before the two people that walked there! It was a productive day, too. I spent half the day brainstorming for the Alamo rental cars pitch, which was fun. Hopefully, I'll get more opportunities to brainstorm from now on.

It was an eventful week, in general. I hope the groundhog is right. I like snow and all, but I'm ready for Spring! Speaking of made-up predictions, I was just reading about this Year of the Rabbit, and I think this is solid advice (for any year): "This year you've been gifted with solid intuition, so use it. Date lots. Play the field. Wait for the right person to walk into your life. There will be tons of takers, but the perfect one might not come along at first. You'll probably have to sit back a while, but don't give up. Remember that saying: Good things come to those who wait. That should be your motto for the next 12 months." Points already acknowledged—embraced, even. The fun has begun, and I don't even mean that sarcastically (yet?)! It also said that last year was "quite a torrid affair—full of tumultuous mood swings, lots of hard work and over-the-top passionate adventures." Ha, don't remind me. Maybe there's something to it, after all. ;)

In case you were wondering about my thoughts on the Super Bowl ads (and even if you weren't), I have to say that while I wasn't that impressed, at least I wasn't insulted like I was last year. Remember last year? The common theme seemed to be that women were emasculating men, and men had to take back control from all of these overbearing women! Why isolate half of your audience like that? Part of the reason I love the Old Spice Guy ad so much is because it's a "manly man" ad that actually caters to women, statistically the primary purchasers, anyway.

Oh yeah, this year....my favorite was the VW ad with the Star Wars kid, and I'm not even a Star Wars fan. My second favorite would probably be the PepsiMax date ad, followed by the Carmax ad (with the "kid in the candy store" trail). As a side note, I'm not in the music business or anything, but aside from the Tron and Usher dances, I thought the halftime show sucked. I've never been a fan of the Black Eyed Peas, though. Will.I.Am is my favorite, if only because I think he has a clever name. Fergie has always struck me as...gross, though. I don't know how to put it any nicer than that. If the Super Bowl is going to skew to a younger audience again, they should go with Beyonce, or Rihanna, or even Taylor Swift, as much as I hate to say it. Did you hear she sold out both shows at Scottrade?! Wtf? While I'm rambling, I might as well add that I feel bad for Christina Aguilera. I think she really did get lost in the moment and that she does know the words. And that she's never been as gross or as "dirrty" as Fergie, even in the "X-tina" days. The National Anthem kind of reminded me of this, though, and I think that makes it better.

p.s. Lol, I just looked at my review from last year. At least I'm consistent (and learned that "overbearing" does not have a hyphen)!