Maybe I should have worn more sunscreen

I ran across that old "Everybody's Free (to Wear Sunscreen)" song/speech in the car a few minutes ago. You know, the graduation speech that someone put to music back in 1998. As I sat listening to it, it occurred to me that the last time I heard it must have been sometime around my 8th grade graduation! And a peculiar thing happened--I started to cry; just a little, but enough to make me wonder where that was coming from.

I realized that I had quickly made the connection between where I was in my life the last time I had heard that song and where I am now--and how much has happened since then! Parts of that speech certainly resonate with me much more than they used to. Am I where I thought I would be? I don't know. I only remember that I always wanted to do "something with art," so in that sense, maybe. Does it matter, anyway? Probably not. Life usually doesn't like to follow plans, though. And I'm okay with that. In fact, "it" often knows where I should be better than I do. It's funny that way. Oh, so funny...after you get through the shitty parts.

Anyway, here's a flashback to the speech:

"Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75^th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen."

Liberal vs. Conservative

The end of my previous post reminded me about this article I was reading (one of several) about the inherent differences between conservatives and liberals. How safe you feel in your world influences where you fit on the spectrum. Conservatives feel less safe, on the whole, which helps explain why I am overrun by them at work. They also have different moral standards, which should not be a surprise. What I did not know, however, is that there are five basic "moral triggers:" harm, fairness, loyalty, authority, and purity. Liberals only "care" about harm and fairness, whereas conservatives "care" about all five.

First of all, I think "care" is the wrong word--I think both sides "emphasize" different things. Secondly, does paying more attention to all five automatically make conservatives more moral? Personally, I don't think so, because I think those last three moral triggers tend to be rather shady. In fact, they are sometimes known as "dark morals" (click the "fundamental differences..." link in the article). There are too many variables involved in loyalty, authority, and purity to make staunch rules out of them. For example, the Nazis were loyal to Hitler's authority, but most people would agree that they weren't "right." Catholic priests are loyal to the pope, but...well, I should have made my point already.

This explains a lot, for me. For starters, now I can pinpoint why I am so baffled by Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck. They seem to glorify those "dark morals" as they relate to white America, specifically. Being white and straight does not automatically make me better than those who aren't, though, just as being American doesn't automatically make me better than people in other countries. I like to think I'm more of a citizen of the world, even if that makes me some kind of traitor.

It also helps me understand why Bill Clinton could be impeached while Bush could be reelected. Lying about an affair is worse than...lying about the case for a war, to some people? I guess this means that purity can trump fairness (and arguably, harm). Okay, I don't quite get it, but I do get that your take on it depends on what you value most. I prefer a President that screws up his personal life more than his country. Now, if Bill Clinton was my own father, I would probably side with conservatives. See the difference? Call me a relativist, or just plain liberal, but black & white produce many shades of gray.

I know conservatives and liberals have different world views and I guess we can't just "get along," per se; however, that doesn't mean we can't compromise, either. I am extremely frustrated with the political process. If conservatives would stop pouting and refusing to cooperate, they might actually be useful to both parties. (God forbid they help the other side with anything, though.) Healthy conflict and compromise tend to produce the most good for the most people, right?! I mean, Congress should involve give and take just as relationships do--if you're not giving, you can't complain about not getting anything back! On some level, I suppose it's always been this way, but I think both parties have been especially childish lately (some more than others). Tonight's "theology at the bottleworks" happens to be on the conservative/liberal divide in this country, so I am especially excited!

I'm back (for now)

I have been neglecting my blog for too long, but not because I don't have things to write about. The problem is, where do I begin? Well, let's just say that May has been eventful, mostly in a good way. Every weekend this month involves something pertaining to my friend's or my cousins' weddings. Three weddings is a bit of wedding overload, especially since I (unofficially) care about some weddings more than others. Next month I am treating myself to Italy, though!

I am giving a toast at Sarah's wedding this weekend. I practiced it at the Toastmaster's meeting on Monday and got good reviews. It's only 3 minutes long, but it says what I want it to say. I am a decent writer, you know. ;) (Really!) Brevity, sincerity, and some light humor are the keys to a good Maid of Honor speech, I think. No crying, either...until possibly the end, but that's why I put that part at the end. I didn't even use my notes; however, I also barely used my hands and they called me out on it! I told them I usually go overboard with the hand gestures and my friends laugh at me, so I was trying to tone it down. They said not to listen to that. So there. I plan on holding the microphone or glass in my left hand, anyway, because it tends to have a mind of it's own. Wish me luck!

Let's see, what else? Oh, someone that I interviewed with 2 years ago finally has an opening and wants to interview me again. I kind of liked the place and the interview went well the first time, so I'm open to it. The problem is, I don't know where I can find the time. I'm taking a training course tomorrow and a half day Friday (rehearsal dinner), plus I'm off for two weeks in June. I can't exactly take more time off before that, and the ad agency is inconveniently located downtown. He wants to interview soon, so we'll see if/how we can coordinate it. He offered to meet somewhere by my office. Someone else that I interviewed with 2 years ago also contacted me recently to keep in touch. I really loved that place and the interview, but then they had a hiring freeze and...the rest is history. Maybe some day I'll make my way back there.

In the meantime, I'm trudging along at a safe, low-stress company that pays well. It could definitely be worse. I really thrive on putting out "fires," though, and that never comes up at my current job. They're less like fires and more like...I don't know, almost burning the popcorn in the microwave. Nothing to get too worked up about. Come to think of it, someone literally burned some popcorn today, and there was more excitement around that than there probably should have been. It is a work comp company, after all. Danger potentially lurks around every corner. You can't really blame them, since they spend all day analyzing other peoples' accidents.

That reminds me about something I read recently. Actually, it deserves it's own post. To be continued...

Kids' Views on Marriage

Yay my team won the photo scavenger hunt today! Of course, we were only competing against one other team, but we still almost doubled their points. The best part was the $250 cash prize! We split it among the four of us, so we got $60ish just for completing stuff on the list. We also took some fun pictures. It was such a random event, put on by a group called All About STL, but I'm glad I found it.

Anyway, this post is meant to be about kids' thoughts on marriage. I thought it was cute and not even entirely inaccurate:

1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10 ("Keep the chips and dip coming?" Not cool, Alan.)

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.-- Kristen, age 10

2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids.
- Lori, age 8

5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8

-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10

6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
-When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- - Howard, age 8

7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9

8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8


9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10

That's why I love talking to kids. (Numbers 6 and 7 are my favorite!) Okay, nap time.