Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Right now, my state can only be described as temporary. I am between jobs, between apartments...my hand is between a brace. As it turns out, security is a state of mind, not a state of being. I have never felt so unstable and conflicted before, but I have also never been so acutely aware of my life. I do not have the will or the energy to suppress my feelings anymore, it seems, so I feel everything more intensly and all at once. I now fully acknowledge my feelings, evaluate them, and decide how to deal with them, instead of trying to ignore them or hold them back.
Somehow, I am losing control and gaining it at the same time. I am going with the flow but taking responsibility for what comes next. I am narrowing in on the things that are causing more harm than good and trying to let them go. In the midst of this mess, I am finding clarity. Life hangs in the balance of these contradictions.
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