I should be doing something productive. I like to think that in it's own way, writing is productive. It helps clear my head and organize my thoughts, at least. Of course, I should really be organizing my house, but this is more fun. Oh wait! I can do work on my sister's present right here at the computer. I'm recreating a $40 Usher concert t-shirt, because I can't bring myself to spend $40 on a t-shirt that I could make myself. Ooh, designing t-shirts could be a fun little side job...as long as it's not for taiko. Since I get paid to design for 40+ hours a week, I'm not that motivated to work at home for free. I'd rather be a creative director (a.k.a. supervisor) for the science and computer people in taiko that think that's fun. (Designing is fun when it doesn't consume your life.) Besides, if I am designing for free, I'd rather do it for someone that appreciates it, like my sister. I will be very surprised if designing for taiko is on the leader's new list of taiko "chores" that will substitute for paying a monthly due. It deserves to be on there as much as anything else, though, so I will make sure that it's added. At least I'll be more more motivated to do the big 25th anniversary stuff, I think.
That reminds me, I had a frustrating face-to-face meeting with a client last week. I designed a web cam page for The Confluence, but I was restricted to doing something that matched the rest of the site and pushed them toward a new, totally revamped site design at the same time. It's hard to do both, but considering the restrictions, I thought I did a good job...originally. Then they suggested changes, so after shaking my head and explaining why those were bad ideas (to the account person/middle man), I did them. Well, those changes were the problems that she wanted to meet with me about! Even the person that designed the rest of the site (who was not there) criticized the parts that ended up being her own design after the requested changes. At the end of the meeting, the client asked how I envisioned it without their suggestions, and as I was describing it, the account person pulled out my original design. I talked her through it and that solved all the problems that they created. We are reverting back to that design! There are well thought-out reasons behind every design decision that I make. I understand that sometimes you need to see it to understand that, but it's easier and cheaper if you just trust me. I think she will now. She was a new client, anyway.
I digress. This wasn't supposed to be a ranting post, but I probably needed to get that out. The thoughts that I really need to organize and decipher are not things that I should broadcast here, though. Let's just say that I am confused and conflicted. Every day uncovers new information to be studied.
Tonight is the Wiese family Christmas party, and I'm not particularly looking forward to it. We don't all fit that well at my grandpa's house, especially since my cousins' kids just keep multiplying, growing up and occupying more space! I remember when we could all sit in chairs around the living room. I kind of like big families, but I feel so disconnected to that side these days. Two families live in Kansas City, my cousins in St. Louis are married with kids, and one of my aunts has decided that she doesn't like my mom and we keep our distance. That aunt reminds me of the ringleader in Mean Girls and she was probably the same person in high school. I swear my mom has never done or said anything mean to this aunt, but oh, she would love to give her a piece of her mind. My aunt knows that she could, too, and I think that's the real reason behind all of it. No one else would dare to stand up to this aunt. You know, even though many people assume "the quiet ones" are pushovers, I most definitely am not. I get my strong will and sass from my mommy...and I appreciate her for that now.
The situation with my aunt and mom is sad, though, because when Grandma Wiese was in the hospital, they both spent so much time at the (understaffed) hospital for months taking care of her--more time than anyone else. They split responsibilities and seemed to bond over that. Several years later, when my grandpa was in the hospital for a few days, my aunt showed up really late to relieve my mom and dad's long "shift." I think my mom complained a little to my dad and my aunt just went off on how that surely means my mom doesn't like my grandpa, etc. It's like she lost perspective and never found it again, but I think she was just looking for a reason to blame my mom for parts of her unhappiness. My aunt's mood affects the tone of these parties, so I hope she's bringing a good mood tonight. It's almost time to go! Wish us luck.
p.s. It's been 10 years since my grandma died, but I still miss her at Christmas every year.
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