Most of last year was a lesson in letting go and growing up--sometimes by choice, often by necessity. I found that truly letting go does not mean that I must forget the past, it means that I must have the courage to accept change and the strength to move on. I have grown so much through those experiences, and I like to think that they have made me a better person. “All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on” (Havelock Ellis), and there was plenty of that last year.
It started to fall apart late last January, when Kraft laid off hundreds of people and restructured the company. Momentum responded by restructuring as well, and the rest is history. They went from record profits in 2007 to record deficits in 2008, and my life followed suit.
In March, I almost left everything behind to pursue an unstable job in Chicago with people I already didn't like and projects I wasn't exactly thrilled about. The appeal of living in Chicago nearly sucked me in, but I guess I snapped out of it in time to acknowledge that work was not the only thing in my life. From then on (really January on), my job was officially in limbo.
The break-in in April caught me completely off-guard and already off-balance. In one fell swoop, those bastards took my prized macbook pro, along with years of photographs and design work. That computer basically represented graduating and getting a good job, and it was my one luxury (and practical) item. They even took my class ring, portfolio, and the sheet off my bed.
Needless to say, I could not wait for my big vacation in June. I didn't even know if I would have a job when I returned, but it didn't seem to matter on the other side of the world. In hindsight, our first stop, New Zealand, signified a new beginning and the birth of a new perspective. (In fact, the Maori tribe who founded NZ have a special symbol to represent new beginnings.)
The bungee jump is a good analogy for just about everything that followed it. Once you step (or, in some cases, are forced) off that ledge and out of your comfort zone, resistance is futile. When you're plunging head first into...well, what appears to be rock bottom, you might as well enjoy your newfound freedom as much as possible, right? You just have to trust that you won't quite hit the bottom. In real life, it seemed like I came close, especially when I broke my hand in August, but I knew that things had to get better...and that they could always be worse. In fact, since November (4th?! hehe), it seems to be getting better every day.
2008 was a year of extremes--some of the highest highs and the lowest lows, and not much in between. It has changed me forever, and the change is apparently visible (old coworkers comment on it every time I see them). I have learned to embrace, even celebrate, the ebb and flow of life as it unfolds, and I continue to be amazed, even when things turn out badly. After all, I couldn't appreciate the good things as much if I didn't have my fill of the bad things. I just hope that 2009 evens out the score.
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