Exactly.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Wedding break
I'm killing time between my cousin's wedding and reception. This is the cousin that I haven't seen in over a year because their family stopped coming to family functions years ago. There was never a major falling out, they just gradually stopped coming. I always suspected it had something to do with one of my outspoken aunts, and I just found out that was/is the case. It's an indirect "fight," anyway, because my aunt took some (valid) complaints to city hall and my in-laws that work there didn't like it. They all live in the same city as my grandpa, so we could see them on a regular basis if they weren't so petty. I don't plan on sticking around the reception for too long, even though I bet it will be one hell of a party. My cousin is basically a 22 year old party girl with a ton of friends and expensive taste.
When did we all get so grown up? I went to a girls' night at a friend's house, and she is married and has a 9 month old daughter. Another girl my age (didn't know her) brought her 8 month old--one of 4?! It's weird hanging out with women my age and their babies, but I only know two so far, thankfully. One of my acquaintances is married and one of my best friends will be married in May, but everyone else is still single and only a few even have a boyfriend/girlfriend. Now that I think of it, that might be a little unusual at this age, but society seems to be trending that way. We're all fabulous and career-minded, of course, but not ready to commit ourselves to long-range domestic duties yet. A house, maybe, just not another person. I think that's perfectly okay. We still get to see each other this way. I've noticed that marriage and babies have a way of isolating people from their friends, or at least the ones without those things. It's like a secret society. Don't get me wrong, though, weddings and babies can be beautiful, but they are definitely too much responsibility and maintenance at this point in my life. I'm glad I have enough friends with similar opinions.
When did we all get so grown up? I went to a girls' night at a friend's house, and she is married and has a 9 month old daughter. Another girl my age (didn't know her) brought her 8 month old--one of 4?! It's weird hanging out with women my age and their babies, but I only know two so far, thankfully. One of my acquaintances is married and one of my best friends will be married in May, but everyone else is still single and only a few even have a boyfriend/girlfriend. Now that I think of it, that might be a little unusual at this age, but society seems to be trending that way. We're all fabulous and career-minded, of course, but not ready to commit ourselves to long-range domestic duties yet. A house, maybe, just not another person. I think that's perfectly okay. We still get to see each other this way. I've noticed that marriage and babies have a way of isolating people from their friends, or at least the ones without those things. It's like a secret society. Don't get me wrong, though, weddings and babies can be beautiful, but they are definitely too much responsibility and maintenance at this point in my life. I'm glad I have enough friends with similar opinions.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Look! A distraction!
Oh what a day, or rather, couple of days. I'll leave it at that. I did, however, get my hair cut, my car washed, my paycheck, and a much needed happy hour with a good friend today (it still classifies as "happy hour" at 3:45 if you're a rebel), all things that had not happened in entirely too long. It almost seems like I couldn't have time for a bad day with all of that, huh? Dead wrong, which also happens to be a song by The Fray, a band who has been in heavy rotation on my ipod recently. Their newest cd is the soundtrack to my life sometimes (minus one or two songs). How did they know? My favorites are "Say When," "Happiness," and the one below, but they all have something meaningful to say.
Lyrics | The Fray lyrics - Never Say Never lyrics
Eh, I'll add some good parts from the other songs I mentioned, too. Music is my poetry:
Say When
Come across you lost and broken
You're coming to but you're slow in waking
You start to shake
You still haven't spoken, what happened
They're coming back and you just dont know when
You want to cry but there's nothing comin'
They're gonna push until you give in, say when
Maybe god can be on both sides
Of the gun never understood why
Some of us never get it so good, so good
Some of this was here before us
All of this will go after us
Never stops until we give in, give in
Happiness
Happiness damn near destroys you
Breaks your faith to pieces on the floor
So you tell yourself, that’s enough for now
Happiness has a violent roar
Happiness is like the old man told me
Look for it, but you’ll never find it all
Let it go, live your life and leave it
Then one day, wake up and she’ll be home
Look! Another distraction! I can attest to this, because that "I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit" crossed my mind today, followed by "Speeding without the threat of getting a ticket is the biggest perk to being a cop."
Lyrics | The Fray lyrics - Never Say Never lyrics
Eh, I'll add some good parts from the other songs I mentioned, too. Music is my poetry:
Say When
Come across you lost and broken
You're coming to but you're slow in waking
You start to shake
You still haven't spoken, what happened
They're coming back and you just dont know when
You want to cry but there's nothing comin'
They're gonna push until you give in, say when
Maybe god can be on both sides
Of the gun never understood why
Some of us never get it so good, so good
Some of this was here before us
All of this will go after us
Never stops until we give in, give in
Happiness
Happiness damn near destroys you
Breaks your faith to pieces on the floor
So you tell yourself, that’s enough for now
Happiness has a violent roar
Happiness is like the old man told me
Look for it, but you’ll never find it all
Let it go, live your life and leave it
Then one day, wake up and she’ll be home
Look! Another distraction! I can attest to this, because that "I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit" crossed my mind today, followed by "Speeding without the threat of getting a ticket is the biggest perk to being a cop."
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Case study
Sometimes I have so much to say that I am rendered speechless. When it comes to talking about my feelings, especially, I wish I could just organize my thoughts in writing and hand it over. I am mostly in touch with my emotions on an abstract and unorganized level, and that does not bode well for verbal expression. I am more comfortable expressing my thoughts than my feelings, too, because thoughts are more easily digestible. I tend to view the world with equal parts logic and emotion, though, and only prefer one over the other when it is absolutely necessary.
My feelings toward people and relationships are often ambivalent, but people themselves are ambivalent, so that seems to be the key element of viewing them objectively. How else would I study them? :) At the same time, I have a driving force to be emotionally connected to them and to take care of their feelings, as well. In a weird way, I am often more comfortable with the feelings of others than I am with my own. I am actually invigorated when I can bring out someone else's most convoluted feelings and offer direction, whereas some people would tense up or would much rather run away from those situations. Many people are so concerned with talking that they forget to listen.
I am very comfortable and careful with the vulnerabilities of other people, but I am not used to sharing my own. I prefer to keep them under wraps, either out of fear that they will fall into the wrong hands and will be used against me, or concern that they could cause (what I deem) an unnecessary burden on someone else. I fall into a counselor role easily and anything else seems unnatural or forced. That would be like if you went to a therapy session and the psychologist started telling you her problems! I think I have a natural tendency to see into someone and bring out whatever needs healing, if that person is open to it. Unfortunately, most people cannot intuit my feelings in the same way, and that can be a point of frustration. The best way I can describe it is that it feels like almost everyone else is an open book and I am hard to read.
I recently found out that my sister is sort of like that, too, which is why she is considering a degree in psychology. As kids, we were always pretty close, I think, but for the past few years, we had not been getting along too well. Something has changed already since she has moved out of the house for college, though, and I would say that we are friends again. We are more alike than we used to admit and I am glad we can relate.
I think acknowledging and defining these things in writing are good starting points for myself. Maybe it offers you some insights, as well. Now I have to figure out where to go from here...
My feelings toward people and relationships are often ambivalent, but people themselves are ambivalent, so that seems to be the key element of viewing them objectively. How else would I study them? :) At the same time, I have a driving force to be emotionally connected to them and to take care of their feelings, as well. In a weird way, I am often more comfortable with the feelings of others than I am with my own. I am actually invigorated when I can bring out someone else's most convoluted feelings and offer direction, whereas some people would tense up or would much rather run away from those situations. Many people are so concerned with talking that they forget to listen.
I am very comfortable and careful with the vulnerabilities of other people, but I am not used to sharing my own. I prefer to keep them under wraps, either out of fear that they will fall into the wrong hands and will be used against me, or concern that they could cause (what I deem) an unnecessary burden on someone else. I fall into a counselor role easily and anything else seems unnatural or forced. That would be like if you went to a therapy session and the psychologist started telling you her problems! I think I have a natural tendency to see into someone and bring out whatever needs healing, if that person is open to it. Unfortunately, most people cannot intuit my feelings in the same way, and that can be a point of frustration. The best way I can describe it is that it feels like almost everyone else is an open book and I am hard to read.
I recently found out that my sister is sort of like that, too, which is why she is considering a degree in psychology. As kids, we were always pretty close, I think, but for the past few years, we had not been getting along too well. Something has changed already since she has moved out of the house for college, though, and I would say that we are friends again. We are more alike than we used to admit and I am glad we can relate.
I think acknowledging and defining these things in writing are good starting points for myself. Maybe it offers you some insights, as well. Now I have to figure out where to go from here...
Monday, September 21, 2009
Presidents and pinheads
Obama is on David Letterman. Cool. I mean...help! I'm being "indoctrinated"...or something, just like our kids. My good friend Sarah Palin told me that Obama wants to have "death panels" as part of his new health care system, too! All this talk of health care reminds me of that Michael Moore movie that I should have seen. By the way, can you believe I have never seen a Michael Moore movie?
Bill Clinton was on The Daily Show earlier. Even on tv, he has an almost inescapable charm. It just caught my attention when he said, "We're putting a real emphasis on women and girls." Ha yes, I bet you are. I like this renewed emphasis on women's rights, though, and I was just reading a little bit about Michelle Obama. You know how they say behind every great man is a great woman? I think that's true (mothers count, too). I'm just sayin.'
I watched too much tv tonight, but sometimes that's okay. "How I Met Your Mother" and "The Big Bang Theory" are among my favorite shows and I don't get to watch them that often. One of my favorite exchanges of the night came from Sheldon of "The Big Bang Theory," when he ran away to Texas (home) after his friends embarrassed him. It went something like this:
Sheldon: I guess I'll just hang around Texas and teach evolution to the creationists.
His mom: Hey, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
Sheldon: Evolution isn't an opinion, it's a fact...(to his friends) I forgive you. Let's go back.
I've read a few things about public opinion on evolution lately and the percentage of people that still don't "believe" it is rather shocking. It's not actually a debate, and I'm pretty sure we are the only developed country that still acts like it is. It's like we've been going backwards, but I hope we are starting to reverse that trend. I just started a book called The Age of American Unreason about the dumbing down of America, so it's been on my mind.
Oh! Friday night was kind of exciting. First, I went to the balloon glow, which is not the exciting part. That's only exciting for like 15 minutes. After that, I met up with some friends at a bar in the Central West End. Along the way, there were some street performers doing fire dancing! That was cool, but also not the exciting part. No, the exciting part happened when I pulled into my driveway at 11:45pm. I opened my car door and fiddled with my ipod for a couple minutes. Then, as I got out of the car and locked the door, a (blond, 20 or 30-something) man came running full speed from the opposite side of the house! He ran a semi-circle around me--cut across the yard, ran down the sidewalk behind my car, and disappeared to the backyard (down the driveway) of the neighbors on the other side of me. In the meantime, I got back in my car, because he was running like someone was chasing him. I'm not sure what he was doing there, but my house was dark and empty--only the living room light was on and no cars were in the driveway or parked in front. People sometimes still use my (aunt's) big backyard as a shortcut, but I don't think that's what this guy was doing. I even sort of remember a truck sitting at the stop sign (facing me) a little longer than normal, but I don't know if that was related in any way. Needless to say, it freaked me out and I didn't sleep well that night. My parents have lived here (directly behind me) 24 years of my life and it has always been a safe neighborhood. The only thing a burglar would want is this computer, anyway, and I like to assume that lightning can't strike twice.
Okay happy thoughts...I'm sort of counting on winning tickets from the Riverfront Times to see Mike Birbiglia, one of my favorite comedians, on Thursday. I just wish that RFT would tell me when I'm going to win, so I don't buy tickets before that happens. I think it's been close to a year since I've won anything, which means I am overdue by something like 6 months. Don't you hate when that happens? ;)
Bill Clinton was on The Daily Show earlier. Even on tv, he has an almost inescapable charm. It just caught my attention when he said, "We're putting a real emphasis on women and girls." Ha yes, I bet you are. I like this renewed emphasis on women's rights, though, and I was just reading a little bit about Michelle Obama. You know how they say behind every great man is a great woman? I think that's true (mothers count, too). I'm just sayin.'
I watched too much tv tonight, but sometimes that's okay. "How I Met Your Mother" and "The Big Bang Theory" are among my favorite shows and I don't get to watch them that often. One of my favorite exchanges of the night came from Sheldon of "The Big Bang Theory," when he ran away to Texas (home) after his friends embarrassed him. It went something like this:
Sheldon: I guess I'll just hang around Texas and teach evolution to the creationists.
His mom: Hey, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
Sheldon: Evolution isn't an opinion, it's a fact...(to his friends) I forgive you. Let's go back.
I've read a few things about public opinion on evolution lately and the percentage of people that still don't "believe" it is rather shocking. It's not actually a debate, and I'm pretty sure we are the only developed country that still acts like it is. It's like we've been going backwards, but I hope we are starting to reverse that trend. I just started a book called The Age of American Unreason about the dumbing down of America, so it's been on my mind.
Oh! Friday night was kind of exciting. First, I went to the balloon glow, which is not the exciting part. That's only exciting for like 15 minutes. After that, I met up with some friends at a bar in the Central West End. Along the way, there were some street performers doing fire dancing! That was cool, but also not the exciting part. No, the exciting part happened when I pulled into my driveway at 11:45pm. I opened my car door and fiddled with my ipod for a couple minutes. Then, as I got out of the car and locked the door, a (blond, 20 or 30-something) man came running full speed from the opposite side of the house! He ran a semi-circle around me--cut across the yard, ran down the sidewalk behind my car, and disappeared to the backyard (down the driveway) of the neighbors on the other side of me. In the meantime, I got back in my car, because he was running like someone was chasing him. I'm not sure what he was doing there, but my house was dark and empty--only the living room light was on and no cars were in the driveway or parked in front. People sometimes still use my (aunt's) big backyard as a shortcut, but I don't think that's what this guy was doing. I even sort of remember a truck sitting at the stop sign (facing me) a little longer than normal, but I don't know if that was related in any way. Needless to say, it freaked me out and I didn't sleep well that night. My parents have lived here (directly behind me) 24 years of my life and it has always been a safe neighborhood. The only thing a burglar would want is this computer, anyway, and I like to assume that lightning can't strike twice.
Okay happy thoughts...I'm sort of counting on winning tickets from the Riverfront Times to see Mike Birbiglia, one of my favorite comedians, on Thursday. I just wish that RFT would tell me when I'm going to win, so I don't buy tickets before that happens. I think it's been close to a year since I've won anything, which means I am overdue by something like 6 months. Don't you hate when that happens? ;)
Thursday, September 17, 2009
The sun and the wind
Oh I'm back! Just for a minute, though, so don't get your hopes up. I just remembered something from yesterday that I wanted to impart to this blog. It's a parable of the sun and the wind, in summary: "The sun and the wind were arguing about who was more powerful. They decided to test their strength on an unsuspecting traveler in a coat, to see which of them could strip him of his coat first. The wind blew furiously in an effort to tear it off of him, but he found that the man only wrapped his coat closer around him. Then the sun beamed down on him gently and the man took off his coat."
I think I've heard that before, but I'm not sure. Someone offered the story after the Theology at the Bottleworks discussion to relate it to a person in the discussion, and I thought it was a nice analogy. There's a regular at the discussions that likes to pontificate on everything, and it was especially bad last night. He talks at everyone without actually listening to them. Last night I agreed with him, mostly, but the fact that he was yelling and forcing his points made me more inclined to shut him out. It was over the top. I might skip next month's discussion on health care simply because of this man.
That man along with two of the other core regulars actually sat down with Joel and I afterward. He's very outspoken and takes some getting used to, but he was nice to us. The other two were cool. They had seen us there before and just wanted to know more about us. One of the guys said Joel and I had "great chemistry." Cute. It turns out that we still aren't sure how to answer the "How long have you been together?" question, though. It's not that important, anyway, but maybe we'll get to the bottom of it this weekend. Oh yeah, back to that whole "being productive" thing.
I think I've heard that before, but I'm not sure. Someone offered the story after the Theology at the Bottleworks discussion to relate it to a person in the discussion, and I thought it was a nice analogy. There's a regular at the discussions that likes to pontificate on everything, and it was especially bad last night. He talks at everyone without actually listening to them. Last night I agreed with him, mostly, but the fact that he was yelling and forcing his points made me more inclined to shut him out. It was over the top. I might skip next month's discussion on health care simply because of this man.
That man along with two of the other core regulars actually sat down with Joel and I afterward. He's very outspoken and takes some getting used to, but he was nice to us. The other two were cool. They had seen us there before and just wanted to know more about us. One of the guys said Joel and I had "great chemistry." Cute. It turns out that we still aren't sure how to answer the "How long have you been together?" question, though. It's not that important, anyway, but maybe we'll get to the bottom of it this weekend. Oh yeah, back to that whole "being productive" thing.
Playing hooky
So taiko practice is going on, and I am at home writing this instead. Yeah, about that....well, you can't blame me. I decided to go with my original plan and take an actual break. Maybe that means I will actually go to the beginner's class, but no promises. Besides, I forgot that tonight was the season premiere of "The Office" and also a surprise half hour special of SNL's Weekend Update (political and current events jokes!). I'm not sure who actually showed up to practice, but I'm pretty sure most of us needed/need a vacation. Hooray for those that are taking one!
Speaking of surprises, I am having lunch outside in The Loop tomorrow because today I discovered that some studio is putting on a free dance performance! How cool is that? Then I don't have any plans until 6, when I meet people practically next door at Forest Park for the balloon glow. Hmm...Ooh! I know! I'll finally make it over to the History Museum for the Katherine Dunham exhibit. Maybe I'll stop by the art museum, too, since I haven't been there in forever. If there's time, I'll buy myself a trench coat at Target or something. I'm not planning on buying too many fall clothes, but I think a tan trench coat is my must-have item for the fall. Wait, who even needs clothes when you have a trench coat, right? I'm obviously buying it to make flashing more convenient.
When did I start getting into fashion, anyway? I'm not really "into" it as much as I am "aware" of it, I guess. I just like to know what's going on. I'll add flashes of trends here and there if I like them, but I keep it subtle. Rock inspired purse? Check. Tights? Check. Trench Coat? I'm working on it. I'm also starting to wear more dresses and skirts because I realized that I miss them. I used to live in those things when I was little, and then I don't know what happened. On second thought, I wore a (loud, plaid) skirt for school everyday from 5-12th grade (jumper k-4), so I wonder if that is part of it. I stayed away from them for the past few years mostly because of work, too. For one thing, jeans were practically the uniform, and for another, I don't like when a dirty old man--or really, any man that I am not attracted to--checks me out. I'm not bragging, if it could somehow be construed that way. It honestly creeps me out. At my new job, though, skirts are safe and actually encouraged (business casual), so I think that's why I want to bring that outside of work, too.
Wow, three hours is such a long time for a practice. I wasted two hours and I still have time to do something productive. I'm not making any promises, though...
Speaking of surprises, I am having lunch outside in The Loop tomorrow because today I discovered that some studio is putting on a free dance performance! How cool is that? Then I don't have any plans until 6, when I meet people practically next door at Forest Park for the balloon glow. Hmm...Ooh! I know! I'll finally make it over to the History Museum for the Katherine Dunham exhibit. Maybe I'll stop by the art museum, too, since I haven't been there in forever. If there's time, I'll buy myself a trench coat at Target or something. I'm not planning on buying too many fall clothes, but I think a tan trench coat is my must-have item for the fall. Wait, who even needs clothes when you have a trench coat, right? I'm obviously buying it to make flashing more convenient.
When did I start getting into fashion, anyway? I'm not really "into" it as much as I am "aware" of it, I guess. I just like to know what's going on. I'll add flashes of trends here and there if I like them, but I keep it subtle. Rock inspired purse? Check. Tights? Check. Trench Coat? I'm working on it. I'm also starting to wear more dresses and skirts because I realized that I miss them. I used to live in those things when I was little, and then I don't know what happened. On second thought, I wore a (loud, plaid) skirt for school everyday from 5-12th grade (jumper k-4), so I wonder if that is part of it. I stayed away from them for the past few years mostly because of work, too. For one thing, jeans were practically the uniform, and for another, I don't like when a dirty old man--or really, any man that I am not attracted to--checks me out. I'm not bragging, if it could somehow be construed that way. It honestly creeps me out. At my new job, though, skirts are safe and actually encouraged (business casual), so I think that's why I want to bring that outside of work, too.
Wow, three hours is such a long time for a practice. I wasted two hours and I still have time to do something productive. I'm not making any promises, though...
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