Myspace blog-June 2007

The Secret
June 7, 2007

I guess you could say I've been doing plenty of soul searching since graduation (last year), and I have come across several new ideas about life. These are my top 10 revelations, in summary:

1. The universe reflects your thoughts and attitudes. If you open yourself up to the world, the world will open itself up to you.

2. You have the power to attract great things into your life if you truly believe it can happen; negative thoughts and insecurities are your biggest obstacles.

3. You tell people how to treat you, and you can't expect the world to love you if you don't love yourself. Also know that you can't control anyone else, but you can control your reaction to them.

4. Really get to know yourself and live the gifts and talents within you. Constantly unfold your soul and try new things. If you are living your talents, you will be successful.

5. Live in the present and focus on the future. There is no point in working yourself up over things that won't make any difference a week from now.

6. Let go of the past and free yourself for what is to come. In order to hold on to something new, you have to let go of something old. The only constant in life is change.

7. Always be grateful for what you have. True forgiveness is being able to say "thank you for that experience," because those experiences make you who you are. There is a lesson in everything, sometimes it is just hard to find.

8. Do not seek to be a leader or a follower, but to be an individual. You were created with a unique set of skills and brain because you are supposed to use them. Don't be afraid to break off from "the herd."

9. Do as much as you can for others without neglecting yourself...that last part is key, and there actually is such a thing as being too nice.

10. Character may be manifested in the great moments, but it is made in the small ones.

I feel sort of like a motivational speaker right now, but really I'm just trying to share my insights because I think my life has really changed since I made these discoveries. Apparently many of these points align with something called "the secret," a dvd/book about how to live your best life. Accepting and living all of these things doesn't happen overnight and I am still not totally there, but I am realizing how much power I have over my own life and what I can do with that.

Myspace blog-April 2007

You can't win if you don't play
April 4, 2007

I was watching the first episode of The Bachelor last night because the tv was already turned to that channel, and it caught my attention. The guy was a total catch--he's a soldier, a doctor, valedictorian, won an award for his outstanding charity work in the army, he's rich, he's handsome, and doesn't seem to be a jerk--and I wondered what would make a guy like that decide he needs the help of a tv show to find his future wife.

First of all, why is this even a tv show? I mean, the main argument against gay marriage, for example, is that it "destroys the sanctity of marriage"...because obviously the rest of society's upstanding citizens have turned it into a game on tv in order to protect it's virtue? Right.

I digress. The heart of the matter is that, theoretically, this guy should be able to get any girl he wants. Why hasn't he? Maybe he's too picky, too busy, the list goes on...but I think it actually stems from a fear of rejection/lack of confidence. At least he knows the women on the show want his love and affection (even if they are also after the money and fame); it's a sure bet. All too often, regular people (myself included) pass up opportunities because we aren't completely certain of the outcome and fear something negative, although ambiguous.

What is everyone honestly so afraid of, anyway? I can't even answer that question for myself. Sure, the safe approach cuts out potentially unpleasant experiences, but at the same time it can rob us of some of the best experiences of our lives. If we don't try we will never know, and as far as I can tell, all it takes is the confidence to stand tall, the optimism to hold our breath and hope for the best, and the courage to dive in (easier said than done, I know). That technique forces us out of the shallow end and into something deeper; what happens after that depends mostly on effort and state of mind.

Ghosts of the past: Myspace blog-March 2007

A good philosophical discussion today prompted me to revisit some old blog posts. You know, some of them are still fairly insightful and a nice reminder of where I've been. Actually, I kind of wish I could highlight them in something like a "personal favorites" list, but I don't think that's an option on here. Instead, I decided to go back to my original blog from back in the day of myspace and see if I could find anything good on there. I think that's the main thing keeping me from deleting my profile, so maybe I'll just recycle some of that stuff here. Let's start with this:

"March 1, 2007

I'm not sure what the point of myspace is, really, if you never do anything to your profile and you just look at the same exact pages everyday...unless you are a stalker, in which case you hit the jackpot! I figure I could at least try to keep you people entertained. I started writing down quotes that I liked in a notebook a few months ago (NOT for the purpose of myspace...), and I thought I might as well put some here.

Answer With Quotes
Answer Each Question With A Quote
(Good Sites Are: quotationspage.com , thinkexist.com , brainyquote.com )
A Quote That's...
From Your Idol/Hero:	An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.--MLK, Jr.
Funny:	Work is the curse of the drinking class.
Sad:	False friends are worse than bitter enemies.
Romantic:	Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.
Your Favorite:	Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody is watching.
From A Song You Like:	So let go, jump in. Oh well, watcha waiting for. It's alright 'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
How You Feel About...
Your Life:	Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
Love:	Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.
Hate:	It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not.
War:	What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of democracy?
Peace:	There was never a good war or a bad peace.
Friendship:	In prosperity our friends know us; in adversity we know our friends.
Family:	Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts.
Pain:	No matter how much it hurts, no matter what the pain is inside, work hard to make somebody happy everyday, even if it is yourself.
Loss:	There's a bit of magic in everything, and some loss to even things out.
Sanity:	I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
Normalcy:	That so few now dare to be eccentric marks the chief danger of our time.
Describe...
Yourself:	The well-bred contradict other people; the wise contradict themselves.
Your Mother:	Most mothers are instinctive philosophers.
Your Father:	A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again.
Your Best Friend:	A blessed thing it is for anyone to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.
Your Best Quality:	I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow. (well, I try)
Your Worst Quality:	Fight for your opinions, but do not believe that they contain the whole truth, or the only truth.
Your Worst Fear:	An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.
Something/Someone you Hate:	When all think alike, then no one is thinking.
Something/Someone Important To You:	If you don't feel the need to be politically active in our times, you will be swept away."

Define "normal"...

Today was relatively interesting. For starters, the psychologist reviewed my assessment with me this afternoon. Other than the fact that the tests reveal that I am a "normal" person and am actually not an "odd duck," there were no real surprises. Basically, my greatest strengths can also translate into weaknesses, which is generally how it works. I set high standards for myself and others, but I don't always clearly communicate those standards to them. I am very tuned in to people, but I can be empathic and accomodating to a fault. I am sometimes overly receptive and tolerant of different opinions and ideas and I have trouble asserting my own ideas. I work well under pressure and with a variety of work and I'm very flexible (especially for an insurance company), but the psychologist was concerned that I might get bored in my current role. *Ding, ding, ding!* Tell me about it. Maybe we'll come up with a plan to alleviate some of that.

Also, I tend to underestimate my abilities. The psychologist asked if I thought I was humble, which struck me as a weird question. I hesitated and said, "Uh, I guess so," but then I wondered if a humble person would ever really admit to being humble, anyway. I would definitely rather show someone what I can do than talk about it, though. My last two jobs started as a two or three month deal and ended up being a heap of full-time responsibility. Apparently, I should still talk myself up a bit. So...I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me! There.

He gave me the results of the critical thinking test, too. I wanted to know how I did because it seemed pretty hard, but I got almost perfect scores on interpreting data, deductive reasoning, and evaluating arguments. I'm not so good at recognizing assumptions, though, which means that I can be a little too trusting (ties into that too tolerant thing). That brought my score down a fairly significant amount, he said, but I still ended up in the 88th percentile. I think that test was mostly a bonus, though--I mean, I'm not evaluating claims for a living, like my coworkers.

At the end of the work day, I met with a financial adviser (not associated with my company) to help me sort out my future investments, now that I can make them again. Oh, that sounds so grown up. The adviser is my age, I'm not personally paying her, and she seems to really know her stuff. I don't find many people that are truly peers, but I consider her one of them. That's not meant to be nearly as snobby as it sounds, but honestly, many people don't have the same level of competence and experience in their field at 25 years old. Hell, many people still don't even have a "field," exactly, because they can't find a career-oriented job or they're in school (which is not necessarily a bad thing). I just hit the ground sprinting 4 years ago and I've already been through the ringer in professional business. I think this is the smartest thing I can do with my (future) money, too...which reminds me, pay day is Friday and I still have to decide how I want to celebrate! I'll be getting paid for the last 3 weeks of part-time and the first 2 weeks of full-time. Woo hoo!

All this talk about "the future" is exciting and unnerving at the same time. What about a potential future spouse? Kids? House? Retirement? Sheesh, how do I know? I have an eye on the future, but I'm still taking it one day at a time. "In The Year 2000" has been randomly popping into my head for the past week. If only I had a futuristic hat and haunting vocal accompaniment to guide me, like Conan does...(Conan should totally be kicking Leno's ass off the air, by the way):

FML

Today, I got an email from the creative director at an ad agency that I applied to in July of 2008. They finally have an opening and want to interview me. A week ago, I started a full-time job at an insurance company because I gave up on finding a job at an ad agency in this economy. FML

Yes, I can't believe it. I'm not even sure I heard anything back from this company originally, or if I did they said they weren't hiring. At the time, a head hunter referred me to this creative director just because he thought she would like my work, not because they were hiring. Now I have to write the lady back, at least, but I'm not sure what to say. I don't know much about this company (phoenix creative), but I've always said I wanted to go back to an ad agency eventually. I don't want to betray the place where I am right now, though, either. I worked hard (relatively...well, by most people's standards, except mine) and they fought hard to get me hired. I am molding this position, broadening my experience, and mostly staying away from stress, which is nice. I feel like I should at least stay there a year. My job is finally stable and I don't want to leave it for something that is not.

At the same time...ooh, shiny ad agency. It would be nice if they would rescue me. Should I at least go in for an interview? Find out more about it? Ask them to keep me in mind for something else down the road? Ah, I don't know what to do. Their timing sucks.

TGI(almost)F

I have successfully made it through 4 days of work--in a row! Ugh. I know, right? Plus, I still have one more to go! Okay, so this is what "regular" people do on a regular basis, but I'm still easing my way back into it. I mean, I haven't worked a full week since June of 2008 (more like May, since that one week in June was spent tying up loose ends and saying goodbye). I definitely took advantage of my shortened work week in 2009, so I have no regrets there. A full week isn't that bad (I guess), anyway. I was just spoiled by the short week. At least I am working a normal "9-5" job this time, instead of a "9-whenever the project is finished" job. Also, the extra money will come in handy. I caught the tail end of Office Space yesterday, and this quote caught my attention: "Most people don't like their jobs. But you go out there and find something that makes you happy." Word. It's not even that I don't like my job, necessarily, but I can't really say I like it all that much, either. I'm not really complaining, honestly. It's work.

You know what is making me happy at this very moment (or like, 5 minutes ago)? My new ipod touch! I exchanged the regular ipod that Joel got me for the ipod touch, a case and a warranty (with a tinge of guilt still). It ended up being an equal exchange. Now I have an ipod with wi-fi and games! I have an application for restaurants, movie times, radio, fmylife, air hockey, simon, guitar hero...the list goes on. I LOVE it. I really just need it to play music, but the fact that it can do those other things are very attractive bonuses. It's basically the iphone without the phone and monthly payments. I always thought the iphone was more than I needed, anyway, because I really just want to use my phone to call and text people. Apparently, though, I want an ipod that can do just about everything else. Oh well, Apple has seduced me once again. The upgrade actually makes up for the whole car break-in thing, I think. Yay Joel! I just bought a new cable to plug the ipod into my car, too, so I'm all set.

I have been especially sentimental and appreciative lately. I'm on the verge of crying happy tears like every other night, for various tiny reasons. It's just that my life finally feels like it's on the right track again and it's safe to form a slightly more solid idea of the future. I have more confidence and energy at work and at play. Something is definitely different. I can't really put my finger on it. It's just...really nice. I kept saying that all these things would work out and it was going to be okay, and I guess this is the point where it actually becomes okay. Of course, it's certainly not over--life will always have good and bad times. I'll worry about the bad when I get to them, but for now, I'm allowing myself to bask in the good.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! I hope everyone celebrated in style, or at least in good company. I went to my friends' house (they're twins, hence the placement of the apostrophe ;) ) with one of my best friends, who is visiting from Baltimore, and Joel. Of course, I wanted to spend it with both of them, but before I went to the party, I was not really wanting to spend it with a bunch of other people. It ended up being pretty fun, though. Plus, we played a new wii game called "Just Dance!" It's a game where you dance along with the computerized person on the screen and you get points for accuracy. I think it's the best video game ever invented, and it almost makes me want to buy a wii. I've never owned a home game console, though (besides Atari, when I was maybe 5), and I can't imagine staying at home and playing it often enough to make it worth my while. I've always been a game boy kind of girl. :)

Yesterday was completely unproductive but really nice. Joel and I both had the entire day off for once, which had not happened since the Fourth of July, I'm pretty sure. We basically ordered pizza (it's too cold to leave the house if you don't have to), looked at vacation pictures, and watched "The Twilight Zone" marathon until I left to go to Chicago at The Fox with Melissa! Then, Melissa and I met up with some other friends at the bowling alley. It was pretty much exactly what I needed.

I would be remiss if I didn't reflect a bit on the last year. It was a weird year full of trial and error, but also a pretty good one, overall. Japan was a major highlight. If I had to separate my life into chapters, 2006-2007 would be about my career, 2008 would be about loss and vulnerability, and 2009 would be about relationships. Last year probably balanced out my workaholism of 2007, since I spent more time doing the things that I wanted to do for fun rather than the things it seemed I had to do for work. And look, I kept my job anyway! I start full time on Monday, and on top of that, I will be making more than I did at Momentum (the highest number they allotted for my salary range, too!). Since it's a new position, I basically get to decide what I want to do with it. That's kind of my thing, though--reevaluating what's been done and setting the foundation for where it should probably go. I have to set goals that I want to achieve by the end of the year, which is hard. It wouldn't be such a bad idea to do that with my personal life, too.

For starters, this trip to Italy would be absolutely amazing this year. I have wanted to go there for a long time, and it would be great if I could continue the trend of traveling to a new country every year (Australia/New Zealand '08, Japan '09, Italy '10?). It's especially hard for me to turn down any opportunity to travel. Now seems like the time to do it, too, while I (am about to) have some disposable income and I'm not tied down by things like my own family or a house payment. I'm not sure I would want to go by myself since I would have to share a hotel room with someone, but we'll see. They said I could bring a (non-Maryville) friend!

I don't even know what to aim for in most other aspects of my life, really. The living situation is working out well for now. I have good friends and a solid relationship. I like my hobbies and vary my activities on a regular basis. Maybe I'll take up cooking this year. Yeah, I'll start with that. Everything else has been sort of working itself out, with my guidance, and I have no reason to expect it to stop. Let's hope it just keeps getting better!